We are finally settled into the new house. The other night I was lying in bed with Lexie and she asked me if the new house felt like home and I thought it would be a good opportunity to be romantic and said “you are my home”. She of course started laughing and called me an idiot.
Anyway we fell asleep and a few hours later were woken up by a loud beeping noise and a female automated voice screaming “FIRE, FIRE”. I didn’t know this but apparently they found that children will sleep through an alarm but a female voice screaming at them that they are about to die will wake them up.
My wife and I jumped out of bed half asleep and I looked out of the bedroom and saw a large orange glow coming from the dining room and thought “Goddamnit my fuckin’ house is on fire”. My wife and I had two distinct and very different reactions to the fire: I immediately ran to get the fire extinguisher to put the fire out thinking if I put the fire out everything will be ok. Lexie’s response was to get the kids and get the fuck out of the house and watch her dumbass husband burn to death while trying to act like hero.
So she gets the kids and goes out the back door to the back yard and I get the fire extinguisher from the garage and start heading toward the dining room prepared to battle the fire and save my family even though they were already safe. I got to the dining room and stood there naked with the fire hose surrounded by the orange glow of fucking Halloween decorations. That’s right my wife had put up Halloween decorations that look an awful lot like flames when you are half asleep and have a robotic woman yelling at you. Anyway it was a defective alarm and the builder replaced it the next day. The moral of the story: sleep with clothes on or you may scar your daughters for life.
So I am the only one who blows up rubber gloves into balloons while waiting in the Dr.’s office?
LOL! (Not laughing at what happened to your family, but the image you painted of you naked with both hoses hanging out)
Get. Out. Of. The. House. Next time. You didn’t even have your cape on, how the hell could you be a proper hero without your cape.
Lexie had the right idea, you were wrong on this one. Leave the fire fighting to the dudes that are trained.
No, I don’t want to blow anything in a doctor’s office. I hate those offices, I hate hospitals, faster you get me out of there, safer it is for all concerned before I go into panic mode. LOL
Yeah next time I’m leaving
I just realized, I’m the first to respond. Do I get a prize? By the way, when I saw it come on my FB feed it was the first thing that popped out, and it said “shot” instead of “shit” which made me even more curious. LOL
LOL @ Selena, I was typing as fast as I could to get that #1.
Do you believe in Nessie?
Yes I do. Don’t you?
Yes I do
Yes you get a prize
Decorations? Buwhahahah! True story. Four small kids at home. Oct 16th-5 year comes flying down the hallway screaming, Fire-Fire-Fire!
Hubs runs towards. Runs back grabs pot of water. I’m on the phone arguing with N. Florida’s fantastic 911 operator that HER ass needs to call the fire department. I’m getting the hell outta dodge.
I catch hubs only making it 1/2 way down the hallway and tossing the whole damn pot. I’m grabbing the kids and telling the older ones to hold the younger ones while I grab my ‘hero’ now battling a full on blaze with a hose that has a million holes in it.
Fire department arrives, I’m leaping on the porch flames shoot out both windows on each side of me. Shits dripping (mobile homes freaking melt-just saying) a fireman snatches my dumb-ass back as I scream my husbands name.
Terror.
Through the blanket of black comes hubs.
Fucking TV AND remote control in his hand.
No shit.
hahahahahahahahahahahhah! That is classic!
LOL! First off, I would start laughing at my husband if he told me something cheesy like, “you are my home” so I can understand why your wife laughed. Second, thank you for the tip about clothing.
I personally wouldn’t blow rubber gloves into a balloon. Here’s why: I would have to go through a drawer or cabinet to find one. That would not look good since we see the doc on base who knows what kind of trouble I can get into.
However, I understand you have to keep yourself entertained and if blowing gloves up is the way to go more power to ya.
Yeah she totally laughed at me but I knew she would. I set myself up for fit.
Seriously, you should know better. At least she just laughed ya instead of calling ya dickhead.
I’m with Selena, if it’s a real fire…ALL your hoses will not be sufficient! I can understand the scarring for life…just seeing my Dad in his underwear was a scarring event!!
.
Selena, the Dr’s office isn’t so bad if you have a good nurse!!!
Blowing up gloves was a great distraction . Although in a pub in Ireland I did see a guy passed out with various condoms blown up and hung on him for decoration!
Yay for Lexie, saving the kids……..
LOl thanks Pat
The nurse’s area nice, and the doctors too, I just don’t like hospitals or the doc’s office, freaks me out every time. And I have to go this afternoon. They should serve alcohol to calm people like me down. LOL
OMB! I didn’t know this blog was still active. Nice Monday morning surprise.
MB refuses to sleep naked and this will be just one more excuse why he won’t do it. Thanks a lot!
No, I don’t blow up balloons with the gloves. The doctor does it for me. And FYI– those nitrile gloves make shitty balloons. Classic latex gloves make the best ones.
I like them, they look like udders
That’s seriously all you got from my comment. I wasted fucking cocaine banana eating monkeys on you this morning and now this. I’m not speaking to you today.
wait what monkeys?
FUMF! On Twitter– I wasted my good story on you.
I just saw it. That’s fucked up.
And they are udders (or squeezers as Girl Babybug calls them).
Isn’t that what i said?
You don’t even get a point for that one. Too easy.
you’re such a nerd
Why won’t he sleep naked?
He fears rolling over on his “junk” (I prefer to call it “the reason I keep his ass around”)
I know why I don’t, first of all my wife finds the look of my junk funny for some reason and secondly is I tend to kick the covers off, and we have an ultra wicked black cat with very sharp back claws that delights in skidding across us in the middle of the night, prob trying to get us to get up and feed her a snack in the middle of the night……so wearing something protects both what little ego I have and keeps me from having railroad track like scratches on my junk
I’m happy to hear there wasn’t an actual fire and no one was actually hurt. Thanks for the laugh and the great visual! By the way, I love your blog! I found it about a month ago and have enjoyed it ever since. I read the entries to my hubby (when I can stop laughing long enough to talk) and we both love it
Thanks Nya and welcome!
Oh and sleeping naked in our house is a definite no-no. I have an 8 year old that likes to crawl into bed with us and for some reason, she thinks her feet need to be stuffed into ANY available CRACK she can find. Even with clothing covering everything, sometimes she gets a little too close for comfort! LOL
LOL!
Hubs was a fireman for years when we first married. Way too many nights where he came home from a fire, covered in soot and stinking of burnt rubber (mattresses have their own stench when burned) and for some reason, fires really seem to get a fireman’s juices going…fwiw.
I burned down a kitchen one time–husband showed up and gazed at the mess (I had the fire out by the time the trucks arrived, but it was still smoldering) and said, “I’ve put out a hundred of these but I always got to go home afterward. What’s for dinner?” And yes, we are still married….
RM, I think it was a romantic thing to say, but like Lexie, I probably would have blown it, too…just sayin’.
And no, I’ve never once gotten to blow up rubber gloves in the waiting room. I think doctor’s nurses save those for the little boys with ADD.
The smell is something you never forget. That hose with all the holes made our kitchen furniture and appliances salvageable, but the smell? OMG!
Course the poor hubs had ONE more surprise coming.
A week after, I announced I was pregnant. Again. Bringing out brood to 5.
On a serious note, we were told and I’d seen my daughter doing it, babies tend to hide. She was crawling into a cubby when I hung up with 911. They said they lose a lot of children that way.
That’s scary.
Kids and animals do the same thing, they tend to crawl into things and hide, or crawl under a bed or something. A good friend of mine lost a good friend of his who was a firefighter, he was searching for a small child in an apartment house fire, and they found the firefighter and the girl together, he had found her but apparently couldn’t get her out because he had no egress…….the room where the girl was had no egress to a fire escape and the only door to the room was a wall of fire I would guess. The apartment had been illegally set up (it was in a poor section of NYC, where this goes on all the time) and because of the landlords greed the fireman and the little girl died..I hope they put the landlord in the general population of Attica for what he did, but I suspect the slimeball got away with a slap of the wrist.
When I was in grade school my sister lost a classmate who hid in a closet during a fire – I can still remember the teacher trying to explain why she wasn’t coming back – that started my fear of fire.
A fireman and a cowboy? Damn he’s a stud.
LOL…and a truck driver and THEN worked for a winery for many years–oh, and raced bicycles. I told him he’s my “all in one romance hero reference material,” though sometimes he needs reminders on ACTING romantic. Right now he’s out doing his daily 30+ miles on the bicycle. I, of course, am still in my jammies.
He is my hero. What a stud muffin
Good one Kate!!!
LOL…thanks, Pat. Funny story–he got called out to a fire in the middle of the night, ran out of the bedroom and jumped into his turnouts, (boots & fire gear) that were always waiting just outside the bedroom door. I hear this major cussing, and than “bang, rattle, clank, thud,” and then he’s headed out the door.
Our daughter, then not quite two, had filled his big rubber boots to the top with all her little toys, dollies and stuffed animals. And a few books.
I’m glad it wasn’t a real fire, but thanks for the laugh this morning! We keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen for small incidences. For larger ones – we grab the cats and get out. Of course, we have to have a key to get out the doors…
My hubby says things like “you are my home” all the time. He’s the romantic one in our relationship.
And no, I do not blow up rubber gloves into balloons in the doctor’s office. Maybe I should try that – it may get me in faster.
You should it’s fun
Thank you for the Monday morning laugh. I need to clean up the coffee spew.
Thanks Lynne
RM Glad you and your family is ok and your house is still standing. It amazes me that men can hear the fire alarm, but the sound of a child puking in the middle of the night escapes them and can only be heard by mothers. Anyway, sounds like you sprang into action like a good husband should and now your girls can add, if Dad is flying commando down the hall, cover your eyes, to Stop Drop and Roll. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughters take up a collection and buy you a pair of turtle pajamas for Christmas. And no, I don’t blow up the gloves, but I do look in the cupboards and play with my phone. Good post
LOL Thanks Heidi. For some reason children puke very quietly.
Thanks for the laugh! I’m so glad there wasn’t an actual fire.
My dad was a fireman and 35+ years later, I can still remember the smell after he spent the night fighting fire. He stopped when they lost a father and his two daughters on Christmas Day. It devastated him.
As for your remark to Lexie…very romantic! (For the record, I would have laughed, too.)
I don’t go to the doctor so it would be a “no” on the gloves:)
Thanks Gemma haven’t seen you in a while
Eek! I laughed at hubs answering the phone by sticking the TV remote to his ear the other night but this would have been funnier (as there was no fire). Glad there wasn’t a real emergency and that your wife is sensible enough to get the kids out first
When it’s minus 40 outside I wonder are we allowed to stop for boots and coats or not? Hell of a place to live in winter.
DH set the composter on fire last winter and then took the kids swimming. I look outside at this backyard fire right next to the new fence we just built. Sheesh. He comes home oblivious and I’m not sure he believed I actually had all those hunky firemen in our yard.
I wouldn’t put my lips near anything in a doctor’s office but I wore those gloves for work so they don’t do anything for me. Enjoy though
LOL Thanks Toni, what’s a composter?
Are you kidding me?
No
LOL–OK, well we have two. One looks like a dalek and we use for kitchen veggie/egg shell waste. The one he set on fire is this big wooden open box he build for grass cuttings. Give it a year and the waste turns into great soil/fertilizer. God, I sound like such a nerd. Seriously.
Like a dumpster?
It a pile of yard waste/veggie clippings that you keep and turn into great soil for planting. You pile everything up in a bin (mine are plastic) in a sunny spot – the stuff breaks down and makes great soil. It is not as big as a dumpster.
As far as the smell, I was in a fire when I was in Nursing School, the fireman had to lead my roommate and I out, down three flights of stairs. The smell of wood smoke to this day makes me nauseous! As far as what you take with you NOTHING!!! Lucky for me, I had my PJ ‘s on at the time!
RM this is so funny but I’m sure at the time it was pretty scary. I’m glad everyone is ok! Well, physically anyway. Good luck with your daughters’ psychological recovery. I’m sure in the future they will be hitting you up with the bill for their therapy
.
LOL @Kate Douglas about keeping the gloves for little boys with ADD. My 9 year old son gets into those drawers and has entertained himself with the gloves. I think RM and my 9 year old have a lot in common
He really likes football too I think you guys would get along great, lol.
Thanks for the post RM! Next time get the hell out of the house!
I will and I would like to have a play date with your son he sounds like fun.
My son is awesome! (of course) and there are lots of other little boys here you can play with. They wrestle, play football, baseball, and soccer. Maybe you can teach them rugby. (On second thought, scratch that, I have enough problems). They get into lots of trouble together. Last week one of them got stuck in our tree and my husband had to get him out lol. See, you would fit right in! Just let us know when you want to come play
They sound like my kind of guys. Do they like Chuck E Cheese?
Yeah, but you couldn’t prod me into that place with a hot poker. Besides the pizza sucks! You’ll have to get Lexie to take you
. Thank goodness my kids have gotten too old for their b-day parties. UGH!
I read this and all I could think of is if your kids will need counseling for seeing you naked?
No doubt about that.
I think I need an American term–someone help me out?
A composter is NOT a Dumpster.
A trash can? A wooden box?
Ours is a wooden box (DH built), but they can be plastic too. I feel like I should send you photos
Not trash cans. Some people make them very open and they look ugly. Ours is about 4 1/2 ft high 6 foot by 6 ft wide. I think we’ll need to throw in one of the kids to get the soil out though but…
Oh my… http://www.composting101.com/compost-bins.html …Composting involves mixing yard and household organic waste in a pile or bin and providing conditions that encourage decomposition. The decomposition process is fueled by millions of microscopic organisms (bacteria, fungi) that take up residence inside your compost pile, continuously devouring and recycling it to produce a rich organic fertilizer and valuable soil amendment…
Oh, a dumpster
*Snort*
PS. Thanks Steph.
LOL Toni fat lotta good it did
Tell me about it
Dude, all you need to do is pick up a copy of the “old farmer’s almanac” and I guarantee you will know what a composter is…..*lol*
Basically it is a box of some sort, usually vented, that allows you to throw all this stuff that is stinky and smelly, and it rots into something that is stinky and smelly and worms love to eat, so you end up with good soil (kind of like a corpse but completely vegetarian). They have this thing you can buy that looks like the drum from a gas dryer with a door on the front, and supposedly you throw all this waste from your kitchen into it, and every one in a while you rotate the drum, and out comes stuff to make your garden grow……
Me, I tend to buy seasoned compost, just too lazy to do the real thing.
Okay honestly to god I pee’d myself laughing, unfortunately no joke! Imagery is everything RM! I am sure I will be laughing all day just imagining the chaos. I shared your site on my facebook page and this is what I wrote: This is seriously FUNNY! The romance man is a blogger, a male blogger to be exact who reads and review romance novels. Of course he also blogs about everyday stuff. His blogs have yet to fail me in the laughter department. I don’t mean laughter, I mean full out, tears in my eyes, belling aching laughter. Check out his blog and then subscribe, when ever you are having a bad day, check in, I guarantee you will end up laughing your butt off. Rated: Explicit on occasion, crude language sometimes, no subject too sensitive, but always funny as hell.
Thank you Theri
Good morning Romance Man. If my husband ever said that to me, I’d laugh too because it would be so unlike him, but I would think it were sweet =).
Glad it wasn’t a real fire and you all are ok. That is precisely why I don’t sleep naked. I can just see myself running out of the house naked and the neighbors all coming out to see what’s going on and getting a real eye full 8)
Your fire story reminds me of something else though. I drive my daughter to school every morning and thankfully don’t have to get out of the car. Every morning I think to myself that I’m just going to drive her to school in my pajamas. But I know, without a doubt, that the one time I take her to school in my pjs and braless is the day I will get into a car accident and have to get out of the car. So every morning I begrudgingly harness up the girls and put on some clothes before leaving the house.
Thanks Scarlet and I will ignore your new avatar
They looked pretty damn awesome yesterday
They did
Scarlet, I was wondering about that! My only daughter is about to start school and I almost had myself convinced that when she starts school maybe I could get by with driving her to school in my PJ’s. My luck would be like yours, though, and I would have an accident or something, I just know it! Being a stay at home Mom has spoiled me in the wardrobe department because sometimes I can keep my PJ’s on all day and Zoey stays up late with me so we can get up later in the mornings. When I was younger I always thought that school started way too early and still do.
My children are tramatized when I wear my LL Bean slipper clog thingys out of the house and to the grocery store – not sure what would happen if I drove them to school in my PJs
Hey Lulu! You really could drive her to school in your PJs. In 3 years, I’ve never had to get out of the car. And I agree with you, school starts too early down here. Back in NY the kids don’t start school until 8:30/9:00.
Scarlet! Your a BBL….set the girls free! Just wear a sweater….
Hey Pat! I know! I’m braless when I post here on the blog, I promise
. Out in public though, I am a BL. These puppies are too big to turn loose on the unsuspecting public 
Scarlet, I have the same problem. No going braless in public for me.
The worst is when I’m home for the evening, I’ve set the girls free and unexpected company shows up. Having to put a bra back on is cruel and unusual punishment!
You all make me so happy that I really don’t have to wear one!
This is too funny. We have the same damn alarms. Although they’re hardwired to the house, whenever the battery backup dies, they malfunction (and only at like 3 am) My kids are all smart enough to leave the house when there’s a problem. My husband is more like you, running around naked. The difference is, he’s paranoid enough to have extinguishers placed all over the house. He wouldn’t need to go to the garage
The fire extinguisher I had wasn’t big enough to put out a match
What…No video?
I can do a reenactment for you
Please do! I think we would all pay big $$$ to see that. Lol.
Lol RM! You get points in my book for trying to be romantic even if it was a little corny, but as far as trying to fight a fire with an extinguisher that couldn’t put out a match? Next time get your corny romantic line reciting, cammando sleepin’ self the hell out of the house!
LOL I will
When I was 12 my dad and uncles repaired an old fireplace in our house. Two days later around midnight I woke up coughing. I woke my dad up and told him the fireplace had caught the wall on fire. I went back in my room, opened the window and went back to sleep. True story. I woke up when my dad carried me and my blankets out of the house while asking me what the hell I thought I was doing. I wasn’t worried about it because my dad fixes everything. My mother swears I get my inability to be afraid from him. I don’t think it’s a compliment to either of us really.
I’m glad your house wasn’t on fire. I do blow up the gloves while waiting on my doctor and last time I gave myself an ultrasound too.
LOL an ultrasound? I don’t think I would go back to sleep if the house was on fire.
What’s the big deal? I gave myself EMS at the doctor’s office when I tore my muscle back in May. All the cool kids perform their own medical procedures. The key is to act like you know what you are doing.
Yeah all the cool kids do it.
My surgeon caught me. He laughed and said go for it I couldn’t break it.
Actually I went back to sleep twice. Once my mom woke me up yelling at me to go outside and I went back to sleep so my dad just threw me outside really. I confess it was not one of my finer moments
You must have been hell to wake up for school
I only do my own enemas
Congratulations? I’m sure your doctor appreciates you taking care of that yourself. Are these recreational or medicinal?
Both
I think this is the FUNNIEST thing you have ever written! I am sitting here dying out laughing, even have tears!
I have this image of Sean Penn…no, no, no…scratch that, I mean Joe Manganiello running around the house naked with the extinguisher, ready to squeeze the lever only to find out that you are about to douse a fire of light……OMG!
Good for Lexie on thinking of the children first..(I would have had to grab a couple of pics off the wall as I was running by)… and you need to keep some shorts on the side of the bed! LOL FOR SURE not what any daughter wants to see of her Dad!
Thanks Tracy I am pretty sure they will be scarred for life
You make me laugh. You are so much like my husband. He does stupid thing too.
Thanks Lori I think it’s a male thing
Funny! (only because there was no fire).
My hubby’s father is the fire marshall of our town. he is always sending us fire safety info. He told us that we should have a robe and slippers by the bed so we could escape from a fire if needed. My hubby said, “Dad I don’t think I will care if your guys see me naked if my house is on fire.” My hubby wanted to put ” I promise to sleep naked everynight ” in our wedding vows.
LOL has he kept his vow?
First NO WAY the Hubs would ever say that to me – I whisper a suggestive comment in his ear and he says “you’ve been reading your books again huh”. Yup that gets a slap. If he ever said something trying to be romantic I might need CPR.
We had same issue with fire detectors when we put on our addition…sheet rock dust really messes them up. The scariest time I had was we were in hotel with kiddos and they were about 3 years old – and the fire alarm went off – talk about scary.
Sleeping naked still not an option as children are early risers – all I asked for our 20th anniversary was to go away so I can sleep naked!
My Dr’s office has magazines – I read one or bring my Nook – I keep rubber gloves at home to wear when I am cleaning up sick kid mess – I can make balloons anytime.
I like sleeping naked
Benefit of living in Florida. I could only sleep naked a few months out of the year. The Hubs is not going to let me keep the heat up all night so I would be warm enough.
Hey I am just glad everythings okay and your safe. I am sure your daughters will get over it, I saw my dad once when I was younger and I survived it lol.
If I saw the rubber gloves I would think about blowing them up. Once I took my friend to emergency room she had cut a chunk out of her finger it was late we had been there a long time so we where both getting punchy and we kept watching them rolling people in and out of the rooms so I started quoting from Monty Pyphon bring out your dead in my best English accsent needless to say the doc showed up faster.
LOL I Love Monty Python “It’s merely a flesh wound”
I love them to in search of the Holy Grail is my favorite.
Ohhh, I can sooo relate! (Well apart from the running around naked
)) Some of the BBL ladies already heard the story. But I was scared f’ing to death sunday evening. I left Scotland and now staying over at my folks place in Holland. They were out for the evening and I was sitting in the living room watching telly. When this god awful piercing alarm goes off. Turns out my parents connected their smoke detector to their burglar alarm which is that unbelievably loud, earpiercing sound that sort of paralyzes you and you think blood will start to spurt out from your ears and brain function comes to a stand still. I had NO idea where the hell the detector was until the neighbour showed up and she knew where it was (remember I hadn’t been at my folks place that often after i moved to the UK for 3,5 years). Thing was it was also defective like yours and it went off without reason and REFUSED to turn off when slapping the off switch….. And add to that the fact the security company calls when the alarm goes off to verify if they need to send out any emergency services…. I had a less than intelligent conversation with the nice lady due to the fact my brain turned to mush…. So much for a quiet Sunday evening trying to watch Deadliest Catch…
)
Glad to hear your alarm was as harmless as ours was
LOL that sucks. I love Deadliest Catch.
That’s one show that I actually watch with my husband. Didn’t think I’d like it, but it is fascinating. I think that’s one reality show that isn’t scripted.
“I didn’t know this but apparently they found that children will sleep through an alarm but a female voice screaming at them that they are about to die will wake them up.”
Oh that is so interesting. Where did you hear that? Did you research it yourself or did someone tell you that? Could YOU tell ME more about that?
Sure Diane, I learned that from a very smart woman who comes on this blog. Her name is Ladybug. And she is always on time and never cancels.
UH -OH.
Okay. I do not like you anymore. You are a stinky boy and you have boy cooties.
I would prefer not to be in the middle of this fight but if push comes to shove, I will have to pick my spiritual lesbian wife Diane– no contest.
RM– you are just trying to butter me up because of the cocaine banana monkeys. Too little, too late.
I’m packing my bandages and ready to go……let me know where and when the battle will be!!
No, no, there is no fight. I have been put in my place and now understand my value. I have no knowledge to impart. I am only the maker of bacon sandwiches. That is all.
And laundry, you’re good at that to.
Yes, and I need to be because you are a stinky boy who I do not like anymore.
Funny you don’t sound sick
i hope the security company doesn’t have the whole ‘thing’ on tape. You know what I can’t stand? the powdery taste on my lips from those gloves.
LOL I hate that powder too.
Attempt at distraction—- I’M COOKING BACON!
How is Steph and I going to recruit you into our Stop the Bacon Madness group if you’re cooking up that pork belly! Poor Miss Piggy.
Selena, I adore y’all, but I will never be in that club. Miss Piggy was crispy and delicious last night.
Are you also anti-sausage?
Don’t really make sausages and don’t like hot dogs either, not because of the piggies, but the taste doesn’t appeal to me.
I heart you, so I can overlook this bacon flaw.
Thanks, Selena. I, too, can overlook your dislike of bacon
. We had a huge (and not at all good for us) breakfast for dinner last night. MB made sausage gravy. You would have been miserable here. There were eggs, but the biscuits were not gluten-free.
Selena looks like we’re still a club of two. We will be the lucky ones when the shortage hits
Yeah, about that gravy. I went to Rhodes Island with a friend a few years ago, she’s originally from Tennessee.
She said we need to stop at Cracker Barrell for breakfast when we crossed the border and she would introduce me to biscuits and gravy.
I didn’t want to say anything, but I thought she was way off base. Cracker Barrell is cheese, how does one make gravy out of that? And who in the hell eats gravy for breakfast? That’s the stuff you put on meat.
I asked to see the gravy before I’d ordered it. It was thick and didn’t look like any gravy I ever saw.
I settled for poached eggs. LOL
I did buy some neat little gifts in the store that doesn’t have cheese but it named after a cheese.
And they say Canuks are strange.
Oh Mr. RM, Don’t use romantic novels’ quotes. Lexie knows better.
My husband would have done the same thing you did. I would have called 9-1-1 just to get a glimpse of the firemen.
I’m sorry I laughed so much, but I’ve never thought of hallowen decorations as misleading. It’s a funny image, for sure. You, trying to put out the orange glow (except for the naked part, I got my brain blocking that).
You should block that no one wants to see that
Well, RM…..I read the prior postings and I won’t reiterate since it’s been stated so perfectly already. I’m just glad you didn’t have a fire in your new home. That would’a sucked big time. I’m sure if your wife was sans clothing she remembered to grab a robe or something…..
Men just like to flash…..except in front of their daughters……..bet they rolled their eyes……
About doing stuff in the doctor’s office while waiting for interminable minutes to pass before the doctor gets ’round to you: personally, I always thought they had the place rigged so if a person touches ANYTHING, a siren goes off……..? Needless to say; I don’t touch a thing……not even the magazines.
Thanks for the post. As usual you are DA BOMB!
Thanks Skeletor
LOL. SNORT (multiple times). That made my day. Glad you are all safe. 2 Questions: 1- Did the kids scream, “My eyes! My eyes!” when they saw you? If I were them I would just for the torture factor alone. 2- Didn’t that episode do wonders for your ability to sleep at night?
I only blow up the latex gloves & I draw faces on them
I also draw faces on plain band-aids, cause they are BORING. Pat & I are the fun nurses. We also give the best shots, right Pat?
Right Doodlebug! I had kids ask me to give their shots!!!
Them seeing me naked has become the family thing no one ever talks about.
Kind of like Greece, huh?
Yeah
Just don’t look into each other’s eyes for a few days. LOL I was caught with green mask all over my face when I tripped our house alarm, had out of town guests visiting, and a cop at the door to check if someone had broken in. I couldn’t remember the password when the alarm people called. It was 6:00 a.m., I woke up the neighbors, household and it was extremely embarrassing. At least the cop was a female, she sort of understood.
LMAO only you Selena!
I second that comment LOL
What can I say that hasn’t already been said?!? LOL!
So I’m just going to say that I’m glad it was a false alarm & everyone’s ok. The world would be a much sadder place without you in it Remy!
Thanks Sassi
That’s some crazy, funny story, LOL! Weird shit happens to me too, but it’s mostly embarrassing and kinda stupid, not dangerous. Once I smelled smoke in my house but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. My smoke alarm went off, and it’s connected to the local fire station, so when all these fully geared firemen came trooping through my house, all I could say was “I don’t know if there’s a fire, there’s only smoke.” Which of course, led the lead fire fighter to quip, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” But he was wrong. It was only a defective kitchen light bulb, smoking. Much ado about nothing =)
At least you got to look at the firemen.
This is true. A man dressed in firefighter gear certainly captures my attention. Except these days I look at men with my single daughter in mind. She has a cursed love life.
LOL Nancy, I didn’t hear that one, which is a minor mishap compared to getting locked in a parking garage.
If you had been over to visit, my whole kitchen would have gone up in flames. Whenever the two of us get together very weird shit happens =)
LOL I think we should blog about our adventures, don’t know if anyone would believe it.
Title: How to run scared out of a Jazz club in NY and look like dorks. LOL
We have the same alarm. That bitch woke me up one night telling me the battery was low. Scared the shit out of me! I thought someone had broken into the house, so I did what any other self respecting wussie would do. I elbowed my husband til he woke, then pulled the blankets over my head until he came back with the all clear.
If my hubs had hit me with that line, I would’ve totally fell for it. He’s rarely serious, always cracking wise, so I take every bit of romance I can get.
I’ve yet to meet a man or child who can resist blowing up latex gloves. My kids always draw faces on them.
Glad your family and house are safe!
LOL thanks Stef
Oh my god that was funny! I would be like you, RM (other then the fact that I prob weight 1.5 of you these days, 12 hour days do that to you), I would be there trying to fight the fire and my wife would be like “get the fuck outside you moron, what the hell do you think you are, Robert DeNiro in that Ron Howard Fireman movie?” (like me, she forgets the names of movies and describes them…)…….on the other hand, RM, I would be if you hadn’t attempted to be brave and put out the fire, Lexi would have shown you disdain for cowardly running outside and not protecting the home. While yelling at you for being stupid, there is also the very real underlying emotion of ‘I married a brave guy willing to risk it all to save my aspidestra plant, not some chicken hearted loser” *lol*…ya can’t win.
When waiting in doctors offices I prefer blowing up condoms I have grabbed from the lobbies of colleges, high schools, day care centers and the like and stored in my pockets for just such an occassion, the kids really love them and they just make much more of an impression somehow then a rubber glove…..
you’ve obviously never needed to fill up a rubber glove with ice chips. great for h-roids
Trudy – ever make an ice hand? Great for that Halloween party – fill glove with water and freeze – of course you can freeze in any number of positions…
You make me laugh as much as RM!
LOL thanks NJ!
One lunch hour my lunch mates at work and I had a conversation about nudity. I found out that nudity comes at the oddest times and places. One lady lives across the street from a church. She says she sees people changing their clothes in the parking lot in front of the church at least once every couple of weekends in the summer. Odd.
I do not play with ANYTHING in the dr office – I’m always the one who gets caught with my hand in the drawer. I just don’t have the luck to get away with shit like that.
RM, you are a riot. Just remember, you are the pretty one in your marriage.
No I am definately not the pretty one Kermie
I know. That’s why I didn’t call you the smart….never mind.
My, you sure are pretty.
I’ve unsuccessfully been trying for 5 minutes to stop laughing. Not at the fact that you could have been hurt being a hero, of course… but at the picture you painted of yourself playing the hero… Your posts are always hilarious, but this one made me laugh the most
And the comments? priceless!
Thanks Angie
I fell into our dishwasher once with the door open. (Long story, and typical of my klutzy self). I ran the dishwasher and water leaked downstairs, wetting the electrical panel. Had to call the fireman to see what I should do. They said, blowdry each switch and make sure they are all dry before we turn on the panel again.
The two firemen who showed up didn’t look anything like the firemen calender dudes. Where are those fireman anyway? LOL
They’re at photoshoots for the calendars and not accessible to us normal folk
Selena, ok now I am seriously laughing out loud. You fell into the dishwasher? LOL! You are indeed the Prez of our Stop the Bacon Madness Klutz Club! <3
RM,
Glad you and the family are alive and well. I have a fear
of fire so I would have grabbed the kids & been out of there in a flash. Dude, fighting fire naked… is not good… you could have burned Your hose. What were you thinking?
Never even looked for a glove in the Dr. office. I usually have a book and I’m reading. Take your kindle, they won’t know you are reading romance.
Very good point, I put little RM in danger
Ha ha. I don’t comment often, but I love your posts. I’ve said it 100,000 times so why not say it again – Lexi is a saint.
How’s her book?
Thanks Sallie it’s coming along. She hasn’t had much time to write but she is getting back into it.
Glad everyone is fine (including little RM) and there was no actual fire. We have 3 full size fire extinguishers and 2 small ones in the house. We heat with wood and I’m paranoid. My Mom lost her house to a fire. It started with a candle to close to curtains . But next time get the hell out of that house! Call 911. DH sleeps naked too. He does always have an “emergency” pair of shorts on his dresser right next to the bed. (Next to the 45)
.
I think your statement about home was very sweet. When my DH said that He got lucky~wink, wink~
I dont touch anything in the Doc’s office! Absolutely do not put anything in my mouth. Do you know how many sick people go there! The powder in the gloves is disgusting too. Bleck!
Hope the girls survive the trauma.
LOL Thanks R!
Oh lol. Sorry. This sounds exactly like something that would happen in my house. Nakedness and all. Actually it did happen, but with a burst pipe that flooded the ground floor rather than a fire. We were lucky that the light went out otherwise the police would have found an electrocuted naked guy with one foot in the water at the bottom of the stairs.
Now, there’s an image! LOL!
Hahaha! My parents have always told us to sleep with clothes on because we never know when there’s going to be an emergency. Guess they’re right!
Glad everything’s fine & it was just a false alarm!
I’ve never blown up rubber gloves at the doctor’s office. Normally I’m too busy asking the doc questions about medical things or reading. Or too sick to care.
I could tell you about our fire, but I’d rather say that my cat SqueakyToy is adorable when she snores.
Back from vacation. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. I always wondered how it would feel to have to run outdoors naked to get away from a housefire. RM, I hope your daughters get the counseling they need to get over that frightening sight
We only blow up the exam gloves at parties. Did you know you can fill them with water and use them for Halloween?
My husband blows rubber gloves into balloons when he’s in the doctor’s office! He also blew up a blood pressure cuff once while he was waiting…So good to know there is someone else out there as crazy as he is!
I gotta say when ever life throws me a pile of dung…..I come on here…and cheer up. I love you reviews but especially love these stories and the commentary that follows. Last night I thanked RM for making me laugh when I thought it was impossible….I would also like to thank all of you. I leave here feeling so happy. You guys totally rock…you are the best medicine EVER! PS::: My fire alarms don’t speak…but they do go off in the middle of the night…and my kids sleep through it unless I go into their rooms and tell them to move, they stay sleeping. So that female voice thing…might be true. I’ve noticed my poor hubby doesn’t get the same result.
Thanks Maria
Sorry for the belated response, but have been out of town and missed the last episodes of Romance Man. Being a woman, Lexie instintctively did the right thing by getting the children out of the house.
When my children were little and we lived in California, my husband never even got out of bed during a major earthquake. By the time the tremor ended, I had all four kids in the hallway with their shoes on.