ODE TO LEXIE

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Oh Lexie how I love thee

Your touch is like relief when you really have to pee

With hair that is blonde and sometimes blue

Your love is like that of an old leather shoe

Sometimes it stinks and sometimes I can’t find it

But when I do it is worth it so I don’t mind it

With soft squishy thighs and a beautiful hiney

And the cream that you use that makes your legs shiny

With a beautiful face that reminds me of all that is holy

And eyes that are green like fresh guacamole

Beautiful daughters that are all doing fine

I don’t even care that they may not be mine

For three months you made me my own special dinner

While you and the girls ate something different so you could stay thinner

And during that time I got really sick

You took me to the hospital quicker than quick

You stayed by my side all through the night

And kept telling me that it would be alright

And when the doctors said I may not survive

You jumped into action like bees in a hive

You were on top of things to make sure they got done

You wasted no time and there was no time for fun

With life insurance papers in hand and my casket picked out

You followed my wishes that we had talked about

You insisted the doctors pull the plug and when they said no

You kept telling them that it was my time to go

I will never forget the look in your eye

When they told you that I’m not gonna die

We will never know what made me so ill

And why they called the cops I don’t know to this day still

That is all over now and our love is much stronger

As we age and the hair on our backs grows longer and longer

It’s you and me baby till the end of our life

And that’s ok with me because I like knife

100 thoughts on “ODE TO LEXIE”

  5. I can’t WAIT to hear what Lexie has to say! Oh RM, absolutely hilarious!! I was laughing so hard I was crying!! ” Your touch is like relief when you really have to pee” :lol: Totally made my day!
    Thanks RM. :roll:

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  7. whoa–
    Holy guacamole, Batman–er, Romanceman–
    Great poetry–colors, textures (shoe leather–mmmm)
    and a soap-opera story, to boot(!)–
    First time to comment–been reading for a while–can’t tell you how many times I’ve snorted something liquid thru my nose reading this blog!
    loving it all-
    Penny

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  9. You’re a better poet than I, sir! Nicely done. You know, except for the end when you threw in “knife” just to make it rhyme. But other than that, Bravo!

    (And no need to toss in the sarcastic remarks about me being alive. I’m playing catch-up.)

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  10. There are some people who would read this and wonder why she puts up with you but not me – I laughed and spit water on my keyboard. I think it’s awesome. Everyday should start with a laugh so I know why she keeps you around. :)

    You and LB owe me a new keyboard. all the spitting is causing my L key to stick

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  12. You to make me laugh. I’ve responded to some of your tweets but, this is the first time I’ve posted on here. *smiles and waves at everyone* Hi.

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  14. Lol! What a touching poem. I was especially fond of the line “Your love is like that of an old leather shoe.” Talk about tugging at the heartstrings! I may never recover (from laughing, that is). Good one RM!

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  15. NO more, please! (I am like the convict that was holding his hands over his ears when my brother was singing a solo at Parchman Penitentary soooo many years ago)

    Yes, Lexie, you have to be a Saint to put up with this man…I guess you are a man, RM?????

    Have a great day! Friday Night Lights tonight!! (Homecoming)

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  17. Soft squishy thighs and a beautiful heiny? A description any woman would love lol! This was awesome RM. You are truly a goofball (that’s a compliment, my husband is one too :-) )

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  18. Mr. RM. Poetry, really! You lost a bet or something?
    Lexie must adore you, except when you write poems.
    I’ll give you some points for your efforts, but not many because I think Lexie deserves better poems and more.
    You should try Spanish poetry. And I better go and stop laughing before someone ask me to stop.

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      • There is a lovely regency romance where the cousins of the heroine pulled a prank to the hero and told him that the lady wanted a poem for her birthday. He wrote one, and had an embarassing moment while reading it to her whole family. But the poem was so sweet and well written that the lady accepted to marry him. That wouldn’t be your case.

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  22. That was hilarious! We’re all sick here and I feel like something the cat hacked up, so thanks for the laugh! Who knew you were such a skilled poet? I look forward to your next effort :)

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  24. Sheesh. You could have rhymed “life” with “wife”, you know.

    Whoever said it reads like a soap opera, yeah, it sure was. But funny as usual. You should take out insurance on behalf of everyone who’s drinking something while reading your blog so we can all get new keyboards.

    Imagine, our Romance Man, a poet. *sigh* How do I read thee? Let me count the laughs.

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  25. I was checking home e-mail on campus saw this msg and since I was having a crappy day I left and came home so I could read it (I don’t to explain to anyone looking at the firewall log why I am on RomanceMan – that and the @#$ I share an office with is well a @#$)
    OH MY – I was smiling the whole way thru your corny way of saying you love your wife and then I got to the part about the pulling the plug! Glad I wasn’t eating I would have choked. I am not sure if I will live thru more poetry.

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  26. RM.
    What did you do to piss Lexie off and cut out the blow jobs?
    This is the bestest love poem ever! BWAHAHA!
    Did it get you back in Lexies good graces?

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  28. Lmao great poem RM it reminds me a little of the song Woody made up for his girl friend Kelly on cheers it was made up with love? Lol

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  32. OMG, I’m dying here. No, really, I aspirated some diet coke down my windpipe and now can’t breathe!!!
    RM, I thought it was horrible, but it was ROFL FUNNY!
    At least my keyboard didn’t get damaged, just my lungs :!:

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  33. great job. you are well on the way to your happily ever after. it’s rare that we actually witness enlightenment as it is happening. i think lex needs to write you a poem.

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  34. Poetry is an art form few have the cojones to attempt. Thanks, RM, for manning up and sharing your “art”. It’s kind of a John Donne/Ogden Nash/Conway Twitty sort of poem, so it reaches us on many levels. Once again, you have enriched us all.

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  35. That was the most randomly strange love poem I have ever read. It is kinda creepy. With such a way of writing romantic prose I know why your wife adores you Matador…….you’ve bared yourself now and the jig is up. We all now know what a marshmallow you are. I’m sure next time your wife will get the recipe right when fixing you that special meal. Thanks RM. You are da BOMB!

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  36. You’ve done it again RM! Thanks for the smile!
    Lexie truly is a saint…Has she really had blue hair? Can’t wait for your next poem! :D

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  41. Pingback: The Romance Man Uncensored « Selena Robins Musings

  42. I know I am way behind on this but was just catching up on your blogs and came across it. I must say I am awestruck that you would do this for Lexie. Now that is true affection whether it is all true or not. And in all seriousness the lines “sometimes it stinks and sometimes I can’t find it but when I do it is worth it so I don’t mind it” are the most heartfelt words I have ever read. Once again I must say, you sir are awesome!!

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