My first daughter was easy. She did what she was told, got good grades, was not that interested in boys when she was young and was pretty easy. My second daughter is a nightmare. She is only 10 but already is far more worldly then my first and is already asking questions I don’t want to answer.
We have a rule in our house that is very simple. You don’t wear makeup until mom and dad say it is ok. It was easy with our first because she wasn’t interested in wearing makeup. She was into sports and the outdoors and not into getting dressed up and stuff like that. She wore makeup to prom and things like that but it wasn’t much and to this day she rarely wears makeup.
I get the whole makeup thing and I can see why women like it. My wife doesn’t wear much makeup but when she does she does look beautiful, she looks beautiful without makeup but I can see how makeup can highlight certain features and what not so I get it. That being said I am 100% adamantly against 10 year old girls wearing makeup, as in no mother fucking way in hell.
The reason I bring this up is because my 10 year old wants to wear makeup because all of her friends are wearing makeup. And she’s right, the rest of the girls in her class look like little hookers. I fucking hate this with a passion that I cannot describe. My wife agrees with me so there is no chance she will be allowed to wear makeup but it bothers me that she wants to and that other parent are allowing their girls to do this and I don’t get it. They are little girls and they are incredibly beautiful the way they are why are we making them feel like they need to wear makeup to look pretty? We can blame society all we want but the bottom line is it comes down to the parents.
What’s weird is we live in a conservative area where most of the moms are stay at home moms but they don’t fit the typical stereotype of a woman at home who defers to her husband. It’s the complete opposite these women run the household and their husbands defer to them. Yet they don’t have a problem with this and I don’t understand why. I consider this a “man the fuck up” moment where fathers need to lay down the law and say they will not allow their girls to be sexualized at a young age.
Amen, RomanceMan. You and Lexie stick to your guns – you’re doing the right thing. Girls need to learn that strength and beauty comes from within – the rest is just icing on the cake. I look at the clothes and crap they sell for little girls these days and I just want to weep.
Me too
For once RM…I totally agree with you. 10 is very young for makeup . A little lip gloss, maybe some Vaseline on her eyelashes ( makes them look darker) . That should be it. You hate to mess up their beautiful skin before they even get to puberty.
For once?
Never heard of Vaseline on eye lashes Pat…
Perfectly said! I agree with Vanessa relied as well.
Thanks Jackie
Amen! My daughter is 12 and already far too mature in some ways. Thankfully she is more into sports as well. It is very scary raising girls in this time.
I agree
I’m sorry your dealing with this. I agree 10 is too young. I didn’t start wearing make up until I was 16 and even then I didn’t wear a lot. It took too much time. I’m still a lazy when it comes to make up. Which reminds me I need to go get some mascara. Good luck and hopefully your daughter will understand. Doubt it, but good luck.
Gee thanks Melody
Hey I will be dealing with this stuff in about 3years if my daughter decides she wants to wear make-up and I’m going to have to put the smack down. Hopefully, I will be lucky I won’t have this issue.
Agree with you completely about makeup for young girls! I lucked out in that my daughter is like your oldest, rarely wearing makeup. I’ve never worn makeup mainly because it takes time I’d rather spend doing something else. Anna had a friend in high school who never went out of the house without makeup because she didn’t think people would like her if she did. Good luck with your youngest.
Thanks
I agree with you RM they need to stay kids as long as they can time goes by so fast. There will be time to grow up later. Lexie and you are good parents you work together I think that’s great.
Thanks Kelly
You are totally right, so stick to your guns. It may be hard as the other parents don’t seem to get it. So good luck with your baby girl.
Thanks Patty.
I agree I don’t get it either. And what some parents will let their girls wear is just mind blowing. Our daughter is 12, we will let her wear a little lip gloss if she wants, and light colored nail polish. But that’s it. Put this in the category with the sexy bathing suits and pole dancing lessons. Ridiculous.
I completely agree.
Totally agree! Sorry you are having to deal with this! My daughter (23) is beautiful inside and out, but inherited my mothers freckles and could never see them as anything but blighting her appearance. She started wearing makeup to cover them up and it made me want to cry. Fortunately as with all things she got over it , but it took becoming an adult to accept them.
10 is way too young…. at that age(and younger) I let her play with makeup… i.e. like dress up, but not to leave the house.
NOOOOO! Freckles are awesome!
Wonderful post! I agree with you 100%. Yep, raising a daughter is scary. My wee girl is only 7 and is already fascinated with the idea of make-up.
And well said, Vanessa, the clothes they design now for our little girls make me cringe.
Amen
I so agree with everyone on this. Parents need to be parents and stop trying to be their friends. That will come later when you’ve raised them to be well adjusted adults. Girls need to develop a positive self image without all of that. I agree with Stephanie. A little gloss but only in light colors, pink or peach and light nail polish is plenty.
That first line should be on a plaque or Tshirt
Couldn’t agree more.
I am 100% with you on that!
10! Good lord, I thank god everyday that he gave me all boys. I would be out of mind too. Geez what happened to playing with baby dolls at 10???? I wasn’t allowed to even think about makeup until I was 16 and even then it was strictly monitored, and believe it or not I grew up to be somewhat normal, (normal being a relative statement). Good luck RM I feel for you!
Thanks Theri.
Amen! I remember playing with my mom and my aunts’s old make up at 10, but there was no way my parents would let me out of the house with it. I was in jr high before I wore it out the house and then I had to pass inspection (Dad was a Marine).Now we have a 14yr old son and a 7 yr old daughter and I feel the fight coming!
Good luck Donna.
Shame, shame RM you should haven known that if your first daughter was easy that your second was going to be a nightmare. Did you think you were going to get off easy?
This post touches on the much larger issue of the sexualization (sp?) of girls at such a young age. WHO IS BUYING ALL THESE HOOK MAKE-UP AND CLOTHES FOR CHILDREN!?!?! Inquiring minds want to know. Just tell your little girl that she doesn’t need make-up to be beautiful and that she should be a leader, not a follower. Make all the other girls in her class NOT want to wear makeup because she looks so beautiful when she doesn’t have any on.
LOL, great post and I had to think about the spelling too!
Thanks Daine! Spelling has never been my strong point…as you could probably guess I meant to type HOOKER not HOOK which just sounds funny
Shit I spelled your name wrong too…SORRY! I’m blaming the early morning for that one….crap 10 is not early in the morning…
Actuallyits with an ‘s’
. Of course that’s the English version for Europeans. More people in Malta are using the American spellingand it drives me crazy. Nothingagainst american of course but English is our second
Language.
Yeah I knew from an early age she was going to be a tough one.
Ladies as long as we tolerate our fellow women defining their worth by whether or not they “bag” a man, we shouldn’t be surprised that the women in RM’s neighborhood and elsewhere are sexualizing their daughters. Let’s be honest. Women are at least 50% to blame for the fact that we are still valued first for how we look and not what we do. Is it easier to sit back and let a man take care of you? I guess. But it is a betrayal of every young woman who comes after us. Ladies! Our time to man up! Call out your sisters!
Here!!!
I agree Diane. This is coming from the moms. There isn’t a man alive that wants their daughters to look made-up to look older than they are.
Well the other 50% of women need to get in gear, because the 50% that post here seem to have their heads in the right place
Growing up my dad worked at a boy’s detention center. There was no make-up wearing in our house. Hubby and I had 3 boys and then a girl. The poor girl never had a chance! But you know what? She turned out pretty darn awesome, and only wears make-up when she is going out somewhere special. Kids are being forced to grow up way to early now, and it is sad to see it at such a young age.
I agree.
This is hard, but you’re right about her being too young. My sister-in-law allowed her daughter to wear make-up at 10 along with getting fake fingernails and highlights in her hair. Can you say have-more-money-than-sense?
While my two girls knew they had to wait until twelve to wear powder on their face and lip gloss. Then on their thirteen birthday, I took them to a Merle Norman salon and they were taught basics of skin care and allowed to have a soft color foundation and blush. But that was it until they were fifteen. Then they were allowed the full blown assortment. Oddly, they both wore makeup that one year and then lost of interest except for special occasions until college.
They both tried to get me to let them wear the current “fab” type clothes. (Parachute pants anyone?) Both now are so grateful I never did and tease their friends often about their choices when looking at pictures from high school. I never understood dressing little girls to look like adults. Let kids be kids.
Hang in there. It’s hell now but it will pay off later. Know that you’re right and don’t feel guilty as if you’re making them look like nerds. Remember, nerds are cool and get scholarships. And yes, teachers and other parents who hire those students will remember.
No. Neither of my kids are running for public office, but I tell them that the world is a small place and people have looong memories.
We let them play dress up and sometimes they wear flavored lip gloss but that’s it. The kip gloss protects from the hot sun down here
I noticed RM you didn’t address parachute pants
Our problem is nail polish. My girls constantly want to use nail polish. If it’s a funny color for some event or holiday, I’ll allow it, but otherwise, I tell them: Grow into your skin a bit before you decide to change it.
Kids need to be kids. They can become fashion divas later. For now? Let them have their innocence. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Don’t take it from them.
Yeah we have that problem too.
are you sure the other parents are ‘allowing’ their daughters to wear makeup? most i know are b.s.ing when they say that. a lot of action occurs between the house and the bus stop on the way to school. absolutely put your fun down on this. cause it’s so much more fun to sneak behind dad’s back to do this. lol hey, i support you totally. hopefully you can protect her for a couple more years.
sorry – put your foot down
You’re exactly right. Honestly, I have to confess that even I did that when I was in the 8th grade (but I wasn’t 10 years old! I was already 14!) and the big thing was eye makeup. Yes, on occasion I did put on some eyeliner once I got to school in the morning and then wiped it off before I went home :/ In the grand scheme of “worst things I could do”, that ranks pretty low, but I quit doing it because I realized that less is more in actuality. I was allowed to wear mascara, and I finally realized that that looked better.
As for what Carla said about the overly made-up 10 year old, I think it’s obscene. In a play I was in, there were parts for young children, and one of them was a brat in the extreme, and exactly like Carla said – highlighted hair, fake nails, AND A FREAKING iPHONE. And she claimed to have a boyfriend like every other week. [So, you're in the 4th grade, and you're already shaping up to be a slut? Really?] I just don’t understand…
i think the cellphones will destroy more kids’ lives than makeup. omg i hate how people sit next to each other and text each other or others. and how do these kids afford these things????
I am sure I have seen these girls with their parents
You know, in my neighborhood one of the moms used to take her daughter with her to get her nails done. The kid was…7 years old. Yes, I said 7. By the time she was 10, she was getting fake nails and was starting to wear makeup. I’m sorry to say that it was no surprise to any of us when the kid became pregnant at 16. Encouraging children to grow up too soon before they are psychologically mature is a recipe for disaster IMHO.
I see that all the time
All your comments are wonderful… I think Kate Douglas would agree with on this one…..very glad our daughters are GROWN!!!
I do, Pat. I see it in our granddaughter, who will be nine in April, but at this point it’s all about “playing dress up” along with the dolls and her buddies, but the pressure is all around.
Where I put my foot down years ago was when our daughter was about nine and was picked as a cheerleader at a new school when we’d moved. The girls were required to shave their legs and wear makeup for their routines (at elementary school sports events!) and when I went to one and saw these cute little prepubescent girls doing blatantly sexual moves (I mean, really–pelvic thrusts by adorable little girls had to be a pedophile’s wet dream) I asked Sarah if she really wanted to be a cheerleader. She said no, she really wanted to be on the track team, and that’s what she did.
Hey RM,
I’m with you. Ten is waaay too young for make-up. When my youngest was about fourteen, she’d leave for school wearing just a little black eye liner, but would add more every hour on the hour. By the time she got home, she looked like one of the racoons that raided our garbage cans at night. There is hope. By the time she was sixteen, she’d outgrown the stage.
I am SO glad we had boys!!!!
You know RM, part of this is your fault. If you hadn’t taken that second job at The Palace in South Beach, the whole make up thing might not have come up.
First I needed the money and second no one rocked the Madonna look like me.
RM and Lexie what fantastic parents. The others are not parents. And yes those men need to be involved – its not that they are not maning up – they are being pathetic and not taking an active part – they are being lazy. It is easier to say I work hard – my wife is incharge of the kids.
Well I am lucky my daughter (11) wants nothing to do with makeup or suggestive clothes. Nailpolish is every once in a while – when she and my Mom are having special time. No makeup until 13 the earliest, it will be a priviledge she must earn but it better enhance her beauty and not make her look like a racoon!
With both my kids I have a dress code over and above the school dress code. Clothes can not be too tight (and I am the one to determine the definition of tight), you can not see torso skin if you raise your hand, and tasteful shirts, no rips or holes in clothing. Daughter is not allowed to have dangle earrings. Son’s hair must be clean cut.
I know I am a meanie, but I agree I can be their friend when they are grown – right now being their guiding force is my most important role.
McEc…….I think in this day and age parents who are raining healthy children have to be “meanies” !
Couldn’t agree more – but then I agree with you alot friend!
Stick to your guns, Remy. I couldn’t agree with you more: “no motherfucking way”.
I hear you, RM. As a mother of 2 girls (10 & 7) I hate what I see happening with other kids. I’m lucky in that my older one has no desire to be like the other girls. She likes long shorts and no makeup. She actually hates having to wear it for dance recitals and stuff. My younger one, however, loves makeup. I allow her to play with it all she wants at home, but can’t leave the house with it on (again, except for things like dance recitals). I’m dreading that one getting to be a teen.
Someone made this comment to me the other day “You have to meet your daughter where her peers are. Society is changing and you have to parent differently today.” BULLSHIT! Things may be different than when I was 10, but I refuse to lower my standards for my kids. I will parent them to my expectations. If you set the bar low, they’ll respond to that. I have already found myself uttering the phrase, “Because I’m not Joey’s mom. This is how we do things in our house”. And you know what? They respond to that. They are understanding, even at 9 and 5, that our rules and expectations may be different than those at their friends’ houses. I’m not naive enough to believe that these arguments are over, but at least they are getting used to the answers.
Good for you and Lexie!
Right with you LB. I will say that with few exceptions my son and daughter’s friends like the rules when they come to this house. Hubs and I are favorite chaperones at the school.
It is hard to put the boundry fence back up when you take it down
Oh and you forgot to ask, but I’ll answer anyway. My favorite kind of cheese is extra sharp cheddar (aged 18 months or more preferably). I know you meant for “What’s your favorite kind of cheese?” to be the question
.
I love Kerrygold “Dubliner” which is a cheddar but dry, almost like parmesean.
Oh man, I am crushing on this cheese I just found: Sartori Balsamic BellaVitano Reserve. From Wisconsin!
I thought you liked cottage cheese
I’m sorry you have me confused with the very cold, edited version of LB.
if you knew how many times my kids were glad when i said ‘no’ to some scheme with other kids. as the mother of boys, I also can’t tell you how many times I had to deal with girls who were coocoo over my sons, doing stupid stuff, writing sexual notes and of course my boys were cowering behind me. and i wondered if their parents had a clue about how their daughters carried on. and no, they didn’t.
Amen to that RM!!! My oldest daughter tried to “sneak” makeup to school, and YES I found out..(we always do!
in 8th grade i allowed her to wear lip gloss only..when i found out all the makeup- play or otherwise became mine..simple as that. When we decided to give it a go, it was gradual adding one thing at a time. But she could not walk out of the house without my approval, if it was too much, I sent her back to take it off. I am happy to say that now she is very minimal in her “look”
Stand strong RM – both you and your lovely wife. I have only one child (a daughter, now 27) and we didn’t let her wear makeup until she was 15 and boy, did she give us ‘….but my friends all do it’ routine’. I’ve heard that girls are tougher to raise, than boys. In my case I’d say it’s true. All the peer pressure put upon girls once they hit a certain age is crazy. I think the age in which they start wanting to be like their friends has gotten younger. With my daughter it was 12 and now seems to be hitting around 10. Sex has also become more of an issue but I’m sure you don’t even want to think about that one……yet. I’m convinced that I got two things from my daughter’s teenage years: gray hair, and an autoimmune disorder (stress and worry). Keep your cool RM. Take your vitamins. I have the feeling your a very good parent so you’ll do just fine. The other thing you have in your favor is a strong willed wife. Together you should be able to combat a pre-teen female. Adolescent females can be quite a challenge. The fact that you’re concerned shows how responsible you take your parenting. I used to tell my daughter that she was the kid and I was the parent and that is why I could set rules for her to follow. That didn’t mean she followed them all either. She grew up to be a terrific human being. I’m thinking the outcome was good so the tough years were worth it.
Amen! I have four girls (12, 10, 9, & 8) and two boys (12 & 11) and we don’t even let our 12 year old daughter wear makeup yet. She’s in 7th grade. It’s waaay too early for that kind of thing in my opinion. My 8 yo has friends that already shave their legs! What 8 year old thinks about that? Or should I say what 8 year old should be thinking about that?? My husband and I are very involved in our children’s lives and often get told that we are the “meanest parents ever!” when we will not give in to peer pressure and let our kids do what other “parents” are letting their kids do. Our jos is to parent not befriend and I agree with ladybug. Changing the way we parent b/s SOCIETY IS CHANGING?! That’s crap and a cop-out! My job as a parent is to love my children, keep them as safe as I can, and make sure they grow into responsible adults. I can’t do that if I agree to go along with the crowd. My kids are more important than that.
I am sooo glad I have boys. With boys at age 10, I was fighting the battle of did they use soap in the shower…. MANY Smell tests!
I agree with you and Lexie! 10 is WAY to YOUNG! I know when I was little, I did not wear makeup (and the one time I tried, my daddy sent me to the bathroom at the service station to wash it off… I was furious!!), hated wearing a bra and wasn’t even allowed to shave my legs until I was in Jr High. Little girls grow up so fast these days and if you don’t hold them back they end up knowing and acting too old for their age. I am with Pat, give her a tub of Vaseline and see what she can do with that for now.
The only answer to any question by a child is ” because I’m the ‘MOM’ thats why!”
Stick to your guns. She will be glad you did when she is older.
I would say more, but I’m still so fucking pissed off at the officals that I can’t think straight.
I can’t even go man candy hunting. now that just pisses me off.
Sorry ladies, maybe later…
I love her ‘man-candy’ on Pinterest…..I even pointed it out to my 27 year old daughter who then called me a ‘goober’. Whatever…..hot guys…..ya….
I was wondering if you would even show up today granny. Worst. Call. Ever.
Great post, Remy! Stand your ground, those other parents have this ridiculous notion that they want to be friends with their kids. Friendship comes when they are much older, and even then, the parent-habits never go away.
I must admit that at that age, I wanted to wear make-up to hide my freckles. LOL But my parents were strict and there was no way they’d allow it.
Hell, they wouldn’t even let me pierce my ears until I was a teenager and could make that decision for myself.
Between sticking a tiara on a toddlers head, having kids dance on poles, and letting them wear make-up at such a young age, I’m not a violent person but II want smack those parents real hard and give them a reality check.
I’m so glad my nieces were more interested in sports and academics than in beauty pageants or wanting to paint themselves like mini-exotic-dancers. I didn’t have to deal with this, because I have a son, although, I did stand my ground when he wanted to get a tattoo at one point. We said. No. It’s not a hard word to say, many parents seem to forget they have the power to say no, and also DON’T OPEN YOUR WALLET to pay for the damn make-up.
10 year olds don’t have the money to go and buy the stuff.
I think a lot of these mothers are trying to relive their youth through their daughters or they are so damn superficial they are losing all common sense.
I have so many opinions on this. But I’ll stop.
Hope those mothers see this blog post and the comments, maybe they will see that there are a lot of women who think they are slacking in their parental responsibilities.
And yes, where the hell are the dads in all this?
Well said Selena!
Great Post Selena
Actually i do not see it as manning up. I think a mum should not sexualise her daughters – full stop. And what you say is the sad sad really sad truth. Its us parents’ fault unfortunately. We do not treat kids as kids these days. By 8 they are already grown up but then they have these scary moments when they act like kids. What’s up with that?
A couple of weeks ago i mentally ordered myself to remember to treat them their age because from what i see around me womaning them up does not help them at all.
You are such a good and thoughtful father, RM…I hope your daughters will appreciate that you care so much for them. Considering al the dads who don’t give a shit you are a shining star.
Thanks Marilyn
If you are letting your kid wear make up at 7 or 10 and buying them a cell phone and little hooker clothes why are you surprised when they come home at 15 pregnant. UGGGG! Why do parents think they are doing children a favor by not having boundaries and rules? Children aren’t prepared to deal with the adult issues that looking like an adult brings.
RM you are doing the right thing, It’s hard for a child to understand why rules are different in your house as compared to a friends house but in the end you are doing your job and being the parent! You are protecting your child and allowing her to grow up before she is forced to deal with the issues of sex and sexuality.
Way to go, be strong, and way to be the parent!
I guess I would be one of those slacker parents so just to be the devil’s advocate I would ask – what is more important the inside or the outside. I have two girls and I have allowed both to use make up well before anyone here would think it was appropriate. I pick my battles and make up was not one I wanted to fight. I am still the parent – there is no disputing that in our house. I hear about how mean I am all the time but when my kids have an issue I know they will come to me, not their best friends parents, for help when they need it. I have a 16 year old that is still a virgin, who doesn’t smoke or drink and gets good grades and *GASP* I let her wear make up before she was 10. I think that a line in the sand about make up is not really the true issue it is the setting of boundaries, whatever they may be in your house, that is important to raising good kids. Rant complete please feel free to tear to me apart now I can take it.
Rory, I think there are always going to be children who are exposed to things but don’t make bad decisions. I remember sneaking my older sister’s Cosmo magazines when I was 12. This was in the 70′s when Cosmo was ground breaking about sex. Well, after I read an article about STDs, I decided to wait to have sex. So exposure to adult ideas isn’t always bad. But I think the larger issue is society pushing sex at young girls on so many levels. Because, unfortunately, a lot of young girls aren’t like your daughters. They are trying to become adults and develop their identity and every message they get is about their sexual attractiveness and value. And not their brains, or talent, or ambition to succeed. I still feel that we as women should be demanding that all girls get a childhood free of having to consider their sexual worth over their internal worth. Maybe make up seems like a trivial issue to take a stand on but all these tiny issues just beat at girls every day. BTW, it was cool that you came on here and gave us another take on things. Thanks for doing it.
I am going to follow up because I fail to see how make up translates into making young girls more sexual. I loved to play dress up as a young girl and acting grown up and putting on high heels etc, and let me tell you that was a long time ago. I think that is part of maturing and while the venue might have changed the behavior is the same. Society as whole has become more sexual so that is going to have an impact on the younger generation. The days of the Cleaver’s and wholesome TV are gone, replaced with shows that are all sexual in nature at their core. I would rather keep my kids from watching Family Guy or the Simpson’s than keep them out of make up bag. Our job as parents is to teach them how to live in the world and make good decisions “on their own” because most of the really big ones they make as teens will be made without us so we best prepare them with the ability to make wise ones.
Hey Rory thanks for coming on and giving your opinion. My girls like to play dress up too and I have not problem with that at all. They can wear make up and high heels around the house when they are playing but they are not allowed to wear make up in public. You said you don’t understand how wearing make up sexualizes girls but to me everything I see on TV and in magazines does just that and make up is a part of it. What is the purpose of young girls to wear make up in public? Is it to be attractive to another person? Because little girls should not be attractive to anyone. Is it to make them feel better about themselves? That may work but I want my girls to feel good about themselves without make up. Is it just for fun because their friends are doing it? I simply think it sends the wrong message to girls so maybe we just disagree. That’s ok we don’t have to agree on everything and it doesn’t make either one of us wrong or make either of us a bad parent. I am curious though what is your line in the sand? Are you ok with the whole toddlers and tiaras thing? If you daughter wants to wear a thong bikini is that ok? What is your line?
Well said RM.
I totally agree with you on this one and you know how I feel about Toddlers and Tiaras.
Little girls playing dress-up at home is one thing. Little girls trying to look like adults in public is dangerous. Like it or not, we live in a world where sick-ass predators do not see the difference between a little girl playing dress-up and a little girl that is all made up to look like a sexy adult, by wearing make-up and adult type clothes.
Thongs for kids under 18 is so wrong on so many levels. However, having said that, I personally am not judging Rory for her decisions.
10 year olds are kids, and yes they are maturing, but not in a way that they should look like adults. They have a lot of time to get there.
When I hear parents say, “but she wants it.” or, “all her friends are doing it.” or, “she watches NAME THAT SHOW, and gets these ideas.”
Who is in charge? Don’t allow those shows, don’t shell out the money for inappropriate clothes and make-up, and say NO.
I didn’t care one bit that my son’s friends used to call me “The Warden” when he was a teenager. I didn’t want to be their friend, I have my own friends. Yes, I was strict as hell, but funny, my house was the one where they all gravitated towards and I had a house filled with kids, staying for dinner etc. But they knew my rules.
I’m very close to my son, and he confides in me to this day, he knows where I’m coming from and he always knew the boundaries.
He said to me once, “Mom, you were either a real bad teenager or a saint. You seem to be a step ahead of things at all times.” I was an angel of course.
Rory, I’m not judging on how you raise your daughters, sounds like you have a great relationship and they are on the right track. Unfortunately, there are many parents out there, that use superficial means to get close to their children and have no boundaries, and it puts those little ones in danger.
The age of the Internet has made it worse, because some parents put their children on display through You Tube, etc, dressed up to look like Pretty Baby, and it scares me. What’s even worse, is putting them on display on child abusive shows like Toddlers & Tiara’s and Dance Moms.
I don’t even want to get into a reality show about pregnant teenagers, because I’ll end up in a long rant.
Excellent – parents need to ask themselves….
“What Is Your Line In The Sand” another good Tshirt
Nice!
I find it interesting that allowing make up makes people jump to the Toddlers in Tiara’s thing. Honestly, that show horrifies me. The make up thing – I just don’t think it is a big deal. I always remind them they are beautiful just the way they are and that they don’t need it. I personally don’t wear it and I am about as likely to do wear a dress as jump off a building. Do I let them wear short shorts and tops inappropriate for adults – heck no. I guess I just focus on different things and I encourage all the same things as everyone else. That they be good people, don’t litter, show respect for your elders and most of all show respect for yourself. I guess the question I am getting at is what is the message you are hoping to send by banning make up? What else is part of that conversation? I am just as much a victim of the “because I said so” when it is appropriate but I just think some things, like perhaps the make up issue, are opportunities to discuss bigger problems going on in their lives. Not everything is as simple as I want to do x because it makes me think/feel y. Even at 10 they have very complicated lives and we sometimes forget that while we are busy trying to keep them innocent a little longer. I appreciate that this is an issue that is important to you and everyone has a right to raise their kids how they see fit and I think judging parents based on one issue, like make up, is a faulty argument but it is an opinion piece so I guess I should have let it slide. To end on a question – do your girls have cell phones? Mine aren’t allowed to have cell phones till they have jobs to pay for them. To each his own skirmish.
The great thing about this blog is that we can all give our opinions on topics RM has brought up. We are human, we are women( mostly) , and each have personal feelings about the topic.
Rory, I personally don’t agree with your opinion, but I’m glad you posted it.
No arguments, no name calling, no hard feelings.
Love this place!!
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I answered Pat earlier in the post, but wanted to say “good job,” RM! Both on the post and also your ideas on raising your daughters with valuable standards. You and Lexie get an A+ on parenting–not just from this post, but from all the others that celebrate little girls growing into women with such a supportive home life.
Thanks Kate and your writing career is really interfering with your blog time. You need to cut on your writing and focus more on commenting.
Sorry Kate, I didn’t see your earlier post, so glad you mentioned it. Cheerleaders in elementary school “”shave their legs” and wear makeup??? That is just gross! Your Sarah had a good head on her shoulders even then! Hope all is well with you!
RM I agree with your response about where is the line. Kids have always wanted to act and appear older than they are. That hasn’t changed. To me what has changed is the parents. I have a theory that so many adults would rather live in their childrens lives than take responsibilty for being the adult and live in their own. So the “line in the sand” gets blurry and it doesn’t do our children any good. (And thanks for not kicking this Seahawks fan of your blog. I thought it was a bad call too.)
Good point Heidi – I agree
RM, my grand girls, ages 5 and 8, are half Asian. Strangely enough, it’s the ultra conservative, uber religious, Korean grandmother who thinks it’s okay to give the 8 yr old fake nails and makeup. Thank goodness I raised their mother. Thank goodness their son thinks his wife and I are smarter. These girls are too precious to us all to start undermining their self-esteem by making them feel they need enhancement to be beautiful. They are too precious to feel their beauty is all on the outside, waiting to be judged by others. We want them to feel good because they studied hard for good grade, drew a lovely picture, reached the top of the climbing wall or kicked ass in the Tae Kwon Do tournament. They will discover sex soon enough, and love will come to them when they are ready.
Amen!
Preach it Brother!!
I have them coming in to daycare with it on at 4 and 5. Mom says it’s playing dress up but it’s usually not. It’s them imitating mom’s magazine or some music video. I hand them a wash cloth and send them to the bathroom.
And do we even want to discuss the clothes?!?
No we don’t because that is depressing
This totally freaks me out. I had two daughters who are now grown women, and I can’t imagine allowing them to go to school with makeup on at 10!! WTF is wrong with these parents? I suppose it’s a spin off from the whole Toddlers and Tiaras thing. Unbelievable. P.S. My 2nd daughter had her ‘challenging’ moments — come to think of it, so did Daughter #1 — but we all survived, so hang in there. They say raising daughters is tougher than raising sons, and I believe it. Best of luck =)
Thanks Nancy!
Wow, I stumbled onto your blog from another site and thought I would give a read.BRAVO!!! As a mom of a 6 year old I can see how not-so far away 10 is and over my dead body is my 10 year old going to wear makeup. I shudder at the thought that some idiot will let their child wear makeup to school and she will want to do the same.
Welcome Tammy I hope you come back.
Thank you, and I will definately be back!
I have seen the same thing, when my son was in grade school he went to a private school, and when the kids hit 4th grade it was shocking what happened, how sexualized the kids were. We are talking kids from well off families, where unlike a lot of the families these days, the moms didn’t work (many of them were second marriage trophy wives with older dads), and they had pretty serious money, our vacation would be trips to the beach for the day, they would jet off for weekend skiing in Switzerland..you get the drift. These kids has cell phones w/ text, prob had their own computers in their rooms, TV sets, you name it…..so we aren’t talking ‘trash’ here…..
We were shocked when we started seeing what happened, girls wearing makeup (I am not talking a bit of blush or powder or gloss, I am talking the kind you would see on a 20 something out on saturday night), mini skirts, push up bras with low cut tops, padded bras, it was surreal (and before this becomes misognystic, the boys were as bad)…..things they talked about, I don’t think they understood quite what they were saying, but it was obvious they had been exposed to things kids that age shouldn’t be…..it takes a lot to shock me, but my wife and I were…..we aren’t cloistered types by any means, we don’t live like little house on the prairie, we are what many would call ‘damn liberals’ (and many of the parent id’ed as ‘conservatives’, go figure).
Rory, I don’t think the problem is with makeup per se, it is what it can represent. Makeup can be used subtly, to help make skin look nicer, and it also can be used as a sexual lure, it is about context. When a 9 or 10 year old girl is wearing heavy mascara, liner, and so forth, when it looks like a 20 something at a nightclub, it is different then a girl experimenting with light makeup, where they aren’t trying to look like Brittney Spears….
I think too it is about context, in your case it sounds like you put it all in perspective, and i suspect your daughter s didn’t go out looking like a hooker on 8th avenue back in the ‘glory days’ or a drag queen with a heavy beard or a cheap pickup bar….it sounds like you enforced rules around it….I think what others are talking about isn’t makeup per se, but rather makeup as part of a broader pattern of parents abrogating their responsibility as parents. Young girls see older girls and want to imitate them, and the trick there (which is totally my outsiders opinion, since i have only the 1 son) is to allow them latitude with boundaries, which it sounds like you had. I don’t think a young girl wearing pink nailpolish or light blush or whatever is particularly sexualized, it is little girls playing the fantasy route, but a girl of 10 wearing ceramic nails with red polish, dark lipstick, etc……that is sexualized, it isn’t eye of the beholder….
I have little respect for when parents sigh and say ‘society is sexualized’, that is a copout, it is an excuse for bad parenting. It is true society has changed, but guess what, as parents that is our job. Parents who let kids have a computer in their bedroom, who gives them smartphones or laptops or a tv in their room, where they can watch the Playboy channel or late night showtime/hbo/etc, are copping out and blaming ‘everyone else’ for what they are doing.
Being a parent I know how hard it is, but I also see a lot of parents who are doing the right thing, whose kids are not all that much different then I had been at that age or people around me. Beaver Cleaver was always fiction, I am not talking about that, nor do I say growing up when I did was a ‘golden time’, isn’t any such thing. Back then TV was the great demon, we were all going to grow up to be homicidal morons because of how stupid and violent tv was, but guess what, most of us turned out okay (and to quote Big Jules in Guys and Dolls ‘I turn out okay, as seen by my record, 31 arrests and no convictions’). It is no doubt harder with the freeer flow of information, but computers and tv’s and the rest all have a marvelous thing, known as parental discretion, as in “no, you won ‘t have the computer in your room’, “no, you don’t need a smartphome”, “No, a pair of 3″ heels isn’t appropriate for kindergarten”.