THIRTY DAYS TO BETTER SEX

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Dr. Laura Berman is a person who apparently is an expert on relationships and romance and is giving us advice on how to have a better sex life in thirty days. Here is the link http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health-pictures/30-days-to-better-sex-week-one-get-off-the-couch.aspx#/slide-1 if you want to read the whole thing but I would like to touch on some of the of the things she talks about.

Re-think Dinner

Find more joy in your daily life by unleashing your inner kid. Instead of making the typical chicken and veggies for dinner, use your imagination and make dinner a little out-of-the-box. You can do so by preparing a new cuisine, or even better, just let your inner kid pick the meal. Make ice-cream sundaes for dinner, complete with sprinkles, whipped cream, and hot fudge — and feed each other to up the sex appeal and make the occasion sensual. And forget the boring dining room: Get comfortable in the living room and spread a blanket on the floor. Come up with crazy combinations and try each other’s creations. Sometimes little things like this are the best way to get out of a rut and reconnect with your partner in a fun, sensual way.

First, my inner kid wants to go ring doorbells and run not have sex. Second, in what way is this sexy or romantic? I have gone through the Dairy Queen drive through many times and not once have I gotten a boner – ok once but I was 16 and the chick at the window was hot and was eating a cherry. Come up with crazy combinations? Like what? Oh honey try this crazy combination of vanilla ice cream with a cheerio on top. Is it good? Do you want to suck my dick now? No? Why? Don’t you see we are on a blanket on the floor?

Spend Time With His Friends

Okay, so the thought of a bunch of guys in your living room might not be appealing, but it’s important to stay connected with the friends whom your partner holds near and dear to his heart. It’s a good way to make sure that you are on the same page and that you share common ground outside of your relationship. Plus, he will love to see you making an effort to include his friends in your life. So, invite his buddies over for a backyard barbecue and get to know more about your partner’s crazy college days, or go on a double date with his best bud and his wife or partner. He will repay the favor when it’s your turn to have the girls over, and it will give you a chance to see another side of him. You might find out that he is the group’s go-to guy for career advice or that he is a good listener when his buddies are in trouble. Who knows?

Ok this advice is beyond bad. Are you fucking kidding me? You expect my wife to spend time with my friends? First, when I am with my friends I want to talk about shit I don’t want my wife to hear. Second, I wouldn’t subject my wife to the endless stupidity of what we talk about. You think your spouse wants to know about your crazy college days and all of the women you fucked? Yeah that will really strengthen the relationship. While your at it go ahead and critique her body and all her flaws and tell her how she doesn’t measure up to the hot women you were with in college. Dumb. Ass. Idea.

“He will repay the favor when it’s your chance to have the girls over”. Are you out of your fucking mind? Let me tell you something Dr. Berman when the girls come over I get the fuck out of dodge. There is no way in hell I want to listen to the things they have to talk about. You want better advice? Give your spouse some alone time with her girlfriends and let your husband be with his friends. It will do you both some good. Goddam it must be easy to become a doctor these days.

Dump Your Withholds

Sometimes people think that it’s best to avoid fighting at all costs. As a result, they keep their thoughts tucked away deep inside so that their partner doesn’t get upset or so that an argument doesn’t break out. However, withholding your true emotions can actually backfire and lead to bigger (and more serious) fights in the long run. Your partner will be able to pick up on your negative energy and tension, and more importantly, you will be unable to be present and happy in your relationship. This is why dumping your withholds can actually be the best thing, even if it does come with the risk of a minor fracas. Be frank and open in the moment instead of letting things fester, and ask your partner to do the same. Wipe that slate clean rather than allowing resentments to pile up — all that baggage will get hard to carry after a while.

I actually agree with this. I think fighting is theraputic because unresolved conflict leads to bad feelings.

Get Physical

When was the last time you and your partner connected in a physical way? Outside of the bedroom, that is! Breaking a sweat might not sound sexy, but the truth is that physical activity can improve your circulation, up your endorphins, and, of course, burn calories. Challenge your partner to a race around the block, or have a rough-and-tumble game of tag in the backyard. If that’s not your style, don’t worry. There are plenty of other activities that couples can enjoy together. You could take a tandem bike ride or play Frisbee in the park. Or you could take a hike and bring a picnic to enjoy with Mother Nature. Just remember, physical health and sexual health go hand-in-hand, so if you want to improve your sex life, you should start by getting more exercise and staying fit.

“Challenge your partner to a race around the block”. This is awful advice. My wife doesn’t know CPR so our race is going to end up in the neighbors yard with everyone watching me die. Thanks Doc.

“Have a rough and tumble game of tag in the back yard”. First of all people in their forties playing tag look really stupid. Second by saying rough and tumble you suggest I be rough with my wife. What does this mean? When I am “it” I fucking closeline her and drop her to the ground? Should I punch her too? Or should I just say “Honey you’re it” and tackle her”?

Play Together

In long-term relationships, it is easy for fun to go out the window. Suddenly, everything becomes about the kids, the bills, and all the responsibility and work it takes to keep a family together. However, it’s still important to make time for play in your daily lives. Challenge your partner to a water-gun fight in the backyard or play a game of hide ’n’ seek around the house. You can also make your games R-rated — maybe some strip Monopoly or a match of Twister while you wear nothing but your lingerie. The idea is just to find more fun in your daily life, whatever that might mean for you and your partner.

I cannot tell you what an idiot I would feel like playing hide and seek with my wife. This is so stupid I cannot even comment, plus my wife always hides in the shower.

Ok twister is an extremely painful game for older people with no flexibility so this is a bad idea. Plus I always end up with my nose in someone’s ass.

Go on a Surrender Date

Many women have a hard time letting go of control in the bedroom because they are so used to going a million miles an hour. Multitasking makes you a great mother, wife, and corporate maven, but it can also make it hard for you to let go and let loose in the bedroom.

Learn how to let go of control and enjoy yourself by trying out a surrender date. On a surrender date, your partner is in charge of everything. He picks your outfit, your accessories, the restaurant, the route to the restaurant, and even your lingerie. It might feel a little strange (and even upsetting at first) to let go of the control, but by doing so you might find that it is much easier to simply sit back and enjoy yourself…especially when it comes to enjoying yourself in the bedroom!

Did you just tell me to pick out my wife’s outfit and accessories? I can’t even dress myself let alone my wife. You know how stupid she would look if I dressed her? Everyone at Golden Corral would laugh at her.

Make a Fantasy Box

One way to ensure that your sex life stays spicy is to share your fantasies with each other. You can do so with a fantasy box. Write your fantasies on slips of paper, fold them up, and put them into a box. Whenever your sex life becomes a little too routine or predictable, pluck a slip of paper from the box — just like drawing a raffle ticket.

Whatever fantasy you pull out, you have to act it out to the best of your ability. Not only is this ideal for sharing your fantasies without embarrassment — because it’s often easier to write down your secret wishes than to say them out loud — but it’s also a good way to keep your sex life passionate and unpredictable.

Ok what happens when I pull the paper out of the fantasy box and it says “I want to fuck your friend Bill while blowing your other friend Mike”. Yeah this is a really bad idea. Plus last time I tried to live out a fantasy I ended up with Sponge Bob band-aids on my balls and I was almost smothered by a vagussy..

Most of this has nothing to do with your sex life. Playing hide and seek with my wife has nothing to do with sex. Here is my advice and I will call it “sixty minutes to a better sex life”. Go get your wife, lead her to the bedtroom, undress her and don’t come out untill she has had three orgasms. You do that and I promise you your sex life will immediately get better.

So what do you think is the most romantic movie scene ever? For me it was when the terminator melted himself and said “It has da be dis way Sara Conna”.

 

 

254 thoughts on “THIRTY DAYS TO BETTER SEX”

  1. Thanks for the morning laugh. It’s a good thing I’m home alone or people might start to question me. I especially love your take on spending time with his friends. His friends come over when we have a barbeque or party and they bring their families. But I agree that when the guys get together, I don’t want to have any part of that. This had me laughing out loud –”While your at it go ahead and critique her body and all her flaws and tell her how she doesn’t measure up to the hot women you were with in college. Dumb. Ass. Idea.” So true ;)

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  2. OMFG. If I had to run around the block with my husband, we would BOTH end up in the ER. I better not try that until I make sure our wills are up to date. As for hubby’s fantasies…they usually involve blowing away the douchebag who lives next door and plays horribly loud music and uses power tools at 7 am on Saturday morning. That fantasy is not exactly conducive to me having the big O.

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  3. OMG! I was dying on some of those response to Dr. Bermann suggestion to a better sex life. For instance, the get physical one. I was thinking you can’t run in your black socks and sandals. The next one was the surrender date. I was thinking if you picked out your wife’s clothes she would end up saying, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
    Those were the ones that stood out the most.

    The romantic scene in a movie has to be…I have to get back to you on that. Because nothing is coming to me.

    I love your post they tend to brighten my day.

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  4. None of those things would ever happen at my house except the getting rid of “withholds” (which I would just call talking).
    1. If anyone tries to eat ice cream on my living room floor, there will be hell to pay. When my kids were smaller they had to eat ice cream in the bathtub. Yeah, yeah— my issues have issues.
    2. A tandem bike ride with MB is one of the worst forms of torture I could imagine. There would be screaming and a wreck. Then I would have to walk my injured self back home.
    3. Okay– we do play family hide-and-seek, but we have a 5-year-old and she’s always involved.
    4. I would never let MB pick out my clothes. He’s color blind and I would end up going out looking like a fucking hooker (yes, I realize that’s redundant).

    Your advice was much better. I’m so traumatized at the thought of ice cream in my living room that I can’t answer the movie question.

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  5. Truly horrid advice. Makes you wonder what her husband and their relationship is like. Or…not. (Eww.)

    For someone who enjoys reading romance, I very rarely like romantic movies. They’re too schmaltzy for me.

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  6. Well, I love to hang out with the guys. I am sooo not capable of talking the girlie talk. I like talking sports and love dirty jokes and double entendre and to do those in the company of girls you need to have the BBLs as friends. The times i let my dirty mind talk for me at work (like today) its a riot because i am perceived as being ‘the quiet one’ so nobody expects me to act like that. Of course we do not invite the guys over and he goes out with them to his wine club but the once i had the honour of being invited i loved it. Pity i do not drink wine.

    Needless to say none of the docs suggestions works well with me, except the dumping the witholds. We have that down to an art. Nobody witholding anything here. You know that quote on FB saying that if you see me running its only because someone is after me with a dagger? Yep that’s me.

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  8. You are funny!

    My husband would Never Go for Ice Cream at supper. He works hard and expects Meat and potatoes…and I give it! I am too old to play games…although we do get a good game of “Words with Friends” going at times. I understand the meaning of spontaneity, but when kids, homework, sports, work and many other activities are going on….. this just has to wait until Summer at my house!

    My most romantic movie probably “The Notebook” …. I loved the parts of the story between James Garner and Gena Rowlands….. when they died? I cried like crazy…nothing sweeter!

    Have a great day!

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  9. Mike Wallace had nothing on you, RM! Your Sixty Minutes beats his every time. I love the way you think. Now if only you had an uncle or two up my way….

    Romantic movie scene? I always fall back on Rhett Butler lifting Scarlett in his arms and carrying her up those mansion steps. Swoooooon.

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  10. Most of that advice would get me and my husband divorced. He brings his buddies over and I kick them out. We all have fun.

    Is this advice for parents? Twister in my underwear? I can just see the kids asking “What are you doing, mommy? Can I play?” And my hubby is as flexible as a plank of wood. Jeez.
    When I was in my twenties I’d have been too self conscious. In my forties? She’s out of her freaking mind.

    Do people listen to this sort of advice? Because most of it should just come from loving your spouse (that last idea you had totally works for me).

    Fav romantic movie scene…Probably the end of Return of the King (LOTR) when Arwen shows up and Aragorn kisses her.

    Thanks for the laughter. :)

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  11. I feel so let down. Here I was imagining you running hard and fast, spiffy in your glasses, sandals and socks up to your matador knees, your cape flying behind you. You whizzing on by. Then I read your article and realized the whizzing wasn’t what I thought it was. I guess you were trying to run back to your house but couldn’t wait.

    I’m not sure what I LMAO’d more your article or that visual! :lol:

    I am totally schmaltzy for chick flicks. Ladyhawke.

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  12. Even before I started reading your comments, I knew the woman was totally freaking crazy who obviously isn’t married or her husband isn’t a man. I agree with you about the arguing. People who sulk and hold onto a grudge for days need to get over themselves or talk.

    Your comments are hilarious and spot on. Thank GOD that my hubby doesn’t want to play rough…wait. Never mind.

    And the number 3 will be forever stamped on my brain. My hubby will hate you forever for that.

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  13. Great rip, Matador! Made me smile and anyone who can make another smile is a-ok.

    You had me at “My wife doesn’t know CPR so our race is going to end up in the neighbors yard with everyone watching me die”.

    I also agree with your thinking about the 3 orgasm rule…..you’ve actually whittled the whole issue down to what is MOST important – thus not wasting time on tasks left best to people in their 20s who haven’t got children around the house………

    Personally, I always thought that woman doctor was full of crap.

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  15. RM, I don’t know who is funnier, you or your commenters. There are very talented people on this blog. Laughed out loud several times, love it.

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  16. Romanceman is BACK!! That was an awesome post, but I was a little worried at first that you were recommending an article by Dr Laura Berman. I think she’s full of crap. Obviously, you pointed out just how full she is :)
    I wonder if there is a marital counselor alive that would tell a couple what do said about not leaving the bedroom until the woman has 3 orgasms. But that sounds like better advice than any of the mumbo jumbo the counselors give you (Sorry WP. IMO there’s alot of counselors not helping people).
    Favorite love scene for me is in “The Mirror Has Two Faces”. Jeff Bridges/Barbara Streisand.

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  17. Most romantic scene ever? The Last of the Mohicans. When they are about to be captured and Daniel Day Lewis tells Madeline Stowe to “Submit. Stay alive. And I will come for you. No matter what.” Oh God, I am having a moment…………
    Ok, I’m back. Isn’t that scene incredible? That is love, not hearts and flowers. A man who will never stop to get back to you and protect you. Sigh.
    Oh, yeah, great blog RM! As always my friend. ;-)

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  18. So when I read this to my husband of 17 years, he looked at me and replied “that doc must not be really married.” I have laughed all morning!

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  19. My husband is allowed to stay around when I have friends over but that is because he was a bartender in his 20s and he still mixes an awesome drink. His job is to keep the glasses full. But I discourage any talking on his part.

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      • You know the definition of friend? Someone who, after you whined to them a couple weeks ago that they must be blocking your tweets, but they promised that they do read your tweets, actually goes and reads your tweets!
        That’s one definition anyway. Just saying.

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          • Funny Ladybug was able to dime you ou.., I mean, she saw my tweet and might have mentioned that I had tweeted the very same topic before you did and sent it to you. Just admit that I rule the universe and we will call it even, bacon boy,

          • LB didn’t see it the first time she is just saying that because she doesn’t want to tell you that you are wrong.

          • I did too see it the first time (Saturday). Diane and I had a conversation about eating our road trip currency and getting stranded. Then we discussed the need for Lipitor and a defibrillator among our supplies. So there! I did see it while you were doing whatever it is you do.

          • Wow, you just reminded me of the rest of the tweets. So he deliberately ignored multiple tweets of mine. It just gets sadder and sadder.

  20. And if we went on a surrender date, he would buy me a hot dog outside of Home Depot and then get me ladies size work gloves inside to wear. And then we would spend a romantic evening in the tool corral.

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  21. That to funny first my boy friend is a little strange and I don’t want to meet his friends. I think the fantasy box is a little scary. I am to dam old to play twister or hide go seek lol. You have made my afternoon by making me laugh so hard thank RM. I keep my fantasy in my head it’s much better in there lol.

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  22. LOL. One of your best. Ice cream does nothing for my dairy Intolerance so thats not going to happen. My husband has freakishly long legs so even keeping up with his pace walking into Walmart is a problem so we never exercise together. Tag? Not needed. If I want sex, I’m pretty easy. I am going to bring up that 3 orgasm rule though. It just makes good sense. Thanks again. And please, The end of An Officer and a Gentleman.

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  23. I was laughing so hard it is a good thing the door to my office was closed. Trust me you are right. Physical exercise for this slightly overweight 40ish couple does lead to a lot of heavy breathing but not from sex!! You definitely gave the best advise as I will be advising my hubby.
    Most romantic movie would be Braveheart. Everything he did for freedom was initiated by the murder of his beloved wife.

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  24. Oh. My. Gosh.

    This is my favorite post of yours. Ever. Because not only are women told this by ‘doctors,’ we actually think it works.

    By ‘women’ I do mean me and cannot speak for the rest of the population. I totally have asked my husband for an inside picnic and a day where we turn off all electronic devices and just spend the day with each other. When he looks at me like I’m crazy now I’ll know why.

    So my next suggestion is your last paragraph. This works for me. ;)

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  25. RM, we’ve known each other what? Three months now? Do you seriously think I will back down when you say, “Fuck with slim jims and we will go to war”? That’s a challenge that I would welcome. I’m redheaded, stubborn, and enjoy making your life hell. Let the games begin!

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  26. Yeah…your back!!! First of all, you like WWF???? We should play a game!

    Dr.. Laura is an idiot. My Mom used to listen to her all the time, talk about brain damaging! I agree about Twister especially…we would have to have someone dial 911 at the start of the game. Sorry I missed all the back and forth with LB and Diane. Sigh…..I have been replaced as Diane’s straight man. I’m too slow, which is exactly why I have trouble on twitter! Especially when someone with a BLUE cape purposefully ignores me! :(
    Ok movie…..I’m afraid it would have to be Dirty Dancing….Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray….Baby…..

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      • Yes Dirty Dancing, but Musing Sallie brought up another favorite…….officer and a Gentlman…YUM. I’m going to check out your Dr.Laura…..as usual I’m probably wrong, which you always happily point out!!

        I think Lexie likes me at least…….

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      • RM is right, the Dr. Laura they are referring to is Dr. Laura Schlessinger (who is not even an MD or a Phd in psychology, she has a Phd in Physiology, which is why her advice is from dreck.

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    • Dr. Laura the radio host was Laura Schlessinger, who was more then several cards short of a deck and also was nothing more then a sack of shit in the form of an old hag, so anything that came out of her mouth smelled really bad. I have seen the likes of them, and she took the cake in being one of the foulest of the foul, up there with Anne Coulter.

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    • Pat, this is why we get along so well.
      No one puts Baby in a corner! To me it holds a special place – watched it the first time on my first date with Hubs (okay I will confess I ended up staying over at his apartment fell asleep after the movie was done)

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  28. What she doesn’t tell you is that the 30 days is the shelf life of a typical self help book, and that in that 30 days she has made her pile which in turn gets her husband (or more likely young stud of a boyfriend) excited because she is now rich…….they haven’t improved much from the pseudo Christian drivel of a Phylis Schafly (“meet your man at the door wearing nothing but a leopard skin bikini and heels carrying a martini”) or the ones from the opposite end of things “If the digusting man thing you are with wants sex, make him pay for it”), lot of weird advice that most people look at say “WTF? I needed to pay 20 bucks for this crap?”.

    Playing tag and twister? How about doing things together you enjoy, which may very well be cuddling up in bed and reading, either individually or to each other, cheezy romance novels or erotic novels….

    Not burying anger and actually talking about what pisses you off? Anyone with a Parrot knows that, they get mad, they bite half your finger off, and all is done.

    A fantasy box? There is an old expression, sometimes there is reason we call them fantasies, cause no one can divorce you for your fantasies….I mean, cmon, if you wife (or husbands!) fantasy is to have sex with Big Bird while rolling in melted grease, I don’t think sharing it is going to help things…..

    It isn’t that the underlying ideas are wrong, being social, doing different things, not being afraid to be a bit goofy, it is in the idea that somehow there is a magic way to do these things. I can think of a lot of things that would improve sex in 30 days, but they are equally as stupid since most people can’t do it:

    -Send the Kids away to an english boarding school, where they come home only on holidays

    -Inherit a 100 million dollars from a rich uncle, tell the bosses at the jobs to dive into an anthill of fire ants, and move to that cool beach house

    -His and her complete plastic surgery makeovers, where he comes out looking like Ken and she like Barbie (or to be a bit kinky, have him come out looking like Barbie and she like ken)

    -Kidnap a medical researcher and make him watch old episodes of “Apple’s Way” and “the Waltons” and commercials for the NFL network until they agree to give you the formula for the pill that let’s you eat ribs and ice cream and cake and fried foods without it going to the gut and hips…..

    Now those would lead to better sex, but are just as impossible as what she suggests. I agree with RM, throw her on the bed, give her three orgasms (for a start) and once in a while take out the garbage without being asked, remember your kids names once in a while and actually realize your partner might like a compliment or two once in a while (in between criticisms, of course) and you will do just as fine, and the 20 bucks is better spent on a bucket of good ice cream…..

    Self help always reminds me of a scene in my favorite book, “Cryptonimicon”, where the main character, a gung ho marine type, is being interviewed by Ronald Reagan, and after explaining how he killed the guy with the sword and having Reagan interject “oh, you killed the guy with the sword first because he was an officer and killing him would slow down his men” and having him say “no, fuckhead, I killed him because he had a fucking sword that could take off my fucking head”

    Most romantic scene in a movie? when the girlfriend gives Glen her sweater in the Ed Wood special “Glen or Glenda?”

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      • That is deliberate, RM has issued an edict that unless I guest blog so he has time to allow Lexie to experiment on him so she can write his book, no one can response to my posts. Story of my life, I am the kind of person who gives advice, it gets ignored, and then 6 months later someone dispenses my own advice to me as if it is gospel, pats themselves on the back for it, and gives me blank looks when I tell them I was the one who came up with it in the first place…….

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  29. If we had a surrender date I would be dressed in daisy duke shorts, thigh high boots and a tank top sans bra. We would end up getting pizza since he would forget to make a reservation which I would insist on taking home since I’m in a hooker costume.

    Romantic movie: The Mummy returns ( does it show that I live with all men?)
    Evy risks her life to help Rick climb out of the pit of lost souls while he is screaming at her to save herself.
    (Women never listen)

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  30. I have heard of Dr. Laura but thought her ideas were weird.
    I agree don’t keep stuff bottle up – talk them out – but I also say be honest and don’t fixate on the small shit to cover up what really pisses you off. Its like a band aid – rip it off fast- tell the truthful issue.
    Okay I have to say I would like to surrender a date – I don’t care what Hubs picks out for me to wear – the idea of not having to make a SINGLE decision would be worth it. I am sure I won’t match, and we will not have a vegetable in the meal – but right now it would be heaven.
    Okay as for movie – I commented before Dirty Dancing cause it was a movie we saw on our first date. Can’t think of another movie – I don’t see alot of romantic movies – now my favorite romantic scene in a book….

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    • Oh, McEc…….we would need a lot more space for favorite romantic scenes in a book!!!
      We agree on so much….LOL…that’s why we get along so well!!!! :) .

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      • I completely owe you so much for introducing me to the men of KGI! RM would so love the Kelly Brothers – the shit they gave each other in Sam’s book was great – I laughed so hard. You told me it gets better! Which book was your favorite!

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          • Seriously! RM – I know you have a ton to read to review – but read these NOW.
            There are alpha males, lots of hot scenes, they shoot guns, blow stuff up and swear a blue streak. I think it is totally the definition of a MAN’s romance novel series. Diane which book/brother is your favorite…I just finished #2. I reviewed #1 for The Book Queen

          • The first two books are my favorite but all of them are great. I probably like Ethan and Rachel’s story the best so far but I really like Sam’s personality too.

          • LOVE LOVE LOVE KGI!

            RM, you have to read this! Her writing is just like that of the BBLs. I liked Shea’s book better than Grace’s (not to mention I kept picturing Dietrich Bader as the karate guy in Napoleon Dynamite every time she described Rio), and I’m super excited for PJ and Cole!

          • Wow, I’m so proud you give me credit McEc!!, I love them all, but I think the first one is my favorite. Definitely looking forward to PJ and Cole! I have started re-reading them when I get a spare minute!
            RM …you would like them!!

  31. Can you imagine how scripted and, Jesus, boring, her life must be … and that of her husband’s? After 18 years of marriage I can honestly say that my husband and I still have great chemistry in and out of the bedroom. I think the secret is that we LIKE each other. There are days when I want to pinch his head off, sure, but it all comes back to passion being the underlying emotion for our actions. Dr. Laura seems to be a Put Tab A in Slot B kind of gal. Blah.

    My guy’s sees great value in the fact that I read and write romance, particularly since he’s fond of reading aloud. ;) Sappy romantic movies get on my last nerve, but we think I.Q., Ladyhawke, and The Princess Bride are oir kimds of romances. Well, and my husband’s pretty fond of Wall-E.

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  32. Good God. This Dr Laura should be shot. WTF? If I left all of the decisions for a night to my husband, not only would I end up in ankle socks and a bowler hat (because they would be the first things he would grab out of my closet), but I would starve because he would have forgotten to make a reservation, plus, well look at what I’m wearing.

    So, he would order pizza, forget my outfit, and get it delivered and the delivery guy will come to the door while he is out in the garage getting something. I’ll shout for him, and he will shout back “What?”. Whaddaya mean what?

    Ya know, its true. Women are smarter than men. Fortunately, they don’t set the bar really high.

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  33. Oh, and the most romantic scene in a movie? Beyond a doubt, the 8min sequence of the love story in the movie UP. A love that lasted through all of the ups and downs of life. SIGH.

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  34. Late to the party as usual, but first of all, I’m with Pat. Dirty Dancing is the sexiest, most romantic movie ever–and not just a single scene.The whole damned movie does it for me.

    As far as the broad with the advice? She’s an idiot. ’nuff said., and RM, it’s good to see you back in fine form. Remember what I said!

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  35. Actually, Dr. laura Berman is a pretty good tv doctor – mostly because she talks very frankly about women and how healthy it is to know their body and how healthy it is enjoy their sex life. This article is not her usual style. She’s married with kids, i think she had breast cancer (recovered) or her twin sister did. Yeah, she has a twin. Anyway, I wouldn’t mind surrendering if it didn’t involve anyone picking my clothes.
    Anyhoo, I consider this a ‘romey classic’ – dang I miss your classic rants, babe. Hey, my favorite movie (which is appealing to writers, i think) is How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days – especially because it hits on all the stupid things women do that drive their men nuts – RM, you would definitely relate. Also, the first Terminator – I have always thought that was totally romantic – guy falls so in love with a girl in a photograph and travels into the future to save her, and impregnate her with the savior of the world in his future, although he’ll never know that but his son does. Oh Kyle. sigh.

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    • Oh trudy, Kyle Reese. Sigh indeed. My sister saw that movie before I did, called me on the phone, and told me I was going to fall in love with that character. She was right. “I came back for you, Sarah.”

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      • i say whoever wrote that script deserved an oscar. great twist. if only the tale wasn’t embedded in such a freakin scary movie (back then – it was darn scary)

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    • Sad yet true story– I didn’t see any of the Terminator movies until about 2 years ago. When I say that I led a sheltered childhood and adolescence, I’m not joking. I did love Kyle.

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      • your mom probably didn’t want you to see such a scary movie – cause i was freakin out when i watched it the first time. you could not kill that guy.

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          • Uh no, I’m not. The very first VHS movie we watched as kids on our brand new fancy VCR was Baby (some people found a dinosaur egg and it hatched). The couple went into the tent presumably to have sex, but I don’t think it showed anything. My dad stopped the movie. Never saw how it ended (the sex or the movie :) ).

  36. I finally came up with the most romantic scene. It’s that one from Titanic….. just kidding. I can’t even pretend about that.

    I’m like one of Pavlov’s dogs (conditioned response, not salivating– that would be weird) about the movie Armageddon. It has nothing to do with the actual movie content (because let’s all face it– it’s not that great). But if I hear the soundtrack or see any of the movie, my clothes fly off. MB often makes use of this weakness.

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    • LB i logged on specifically to say that Armagaddon does it for me every time. I cannot even say what it is about that film that draws me to it but if its on i watch it. And i get butterflies in my stomach at the ending each time. my favourite movies are Braveheart and Pulp Fiction but i haven’t watched them more than twice each.

      My youngest is nagging us to watch Titanic. She evidently heard that there are naked scenes in it.

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      • LOL, Lucie! I’m not a huge Titanic fan. I think it’s knowing that there is not a happy ending and watching the ship sink for an hour. Tell her that there aren’t enough naked scenes in it to make up for that.

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      • Long ago an far away in the fairy tale land of Huntsville, AL, there might have been two college students who were madly and deeply in love. They both had roommates so privacy was rare. The girl (let’s call her LB just for the hell of it) was super cool and had a TV/VCR combo in her room. She also only owned one VHS tape and cable was not hooked up to said TV/VCR. That tape was Armageddon. The boy (we’ll call him MB– also just for the hell of it) would come over to woo LB. Not wanting anyone to be the wiser to their wooing and being a terribly proper and delicate young woman, LB would play that only VHS tape. The roommates (LB’s sister and best friend) would simply think that the two young lovebirds just really liked the movie and couldn’t get enough (of the movie of course— get your minds out of the gutter, dirty birds ;) ). So, the movie became the signal to LB’s brain that she was about to have a great time….. you know– seeing the asteroid almost destroy the earth. Hence the clothes….

        Dave Matthew’s has the very same effect on poor LB. You see MB wasn’t quite as cool and didn’t have a TV/VCR (he spent all of his money on computers and McDonald’s food). But he did have a CD player and some Dave CDs.

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          • I must be slow this morning. My only excuse is lack of sleep. Thanks for clarifying that LB was indeed a ho. All these years, I thought she was just an innocent young woman in love with the nerd of her dreams. Thanks for ruining it.

        • Your sister might have believed that you were just watching that movie over and over but I knew those moans were not in response to the really bad science. You would have been throwing things at the t.v. instead. The moans were my only clue of course being a pillar of virtue and chastity myself.

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          • Wow. I almost choked to death on water reading about your chastity and virtue. Is that the nicknames you gave them? ;)

          • Of course – I have to be a pillar to hold these babies up. :)

            Well, RM you moved and went on vacation and I forgot to come back. I have short term memory issues from my many concussions. I’m one head bump away from boxer’s dementia.

          • Thanks, me too. True story about the concussions. Ask LB she’s responsible for the last one.

          • For ZK’s eye only ;) : That last concussion was NOT my fault. I suffered a concussion (and some residual brain damage) too if you remember correctly. One car accident in the 17 years we’ve known each other and it’s my fault? NICE. If you will recall, I was the only vehicle deemed not at fault in that 3-car pile up.

  37. That article is typical of self-help stuff out there. They are the equivalent of Dr. Phil type shows, where everything can be fixed with cliche rhetoric.

    In my opinion, if a couple has to work THAT hard at having fun together, they have more serious issues than figuring out which childhood game to play together.

    NO! Nobody is eating on my floor, unless we had an invasion and no furniture. That’s stupid.

    Playing tag outside? Because my neighbors already don’t think I’m quirky enough, when I go for a walk and forget that people can actually hear me singing out loud with my I-pod on. At least now, they think my hubby is the “normal” one, let’s go outside and play hopscotch, then they’ll truly be convinced we’re both nuts.

    I do agree about the arguing, because you do have to get issues out, but I also believe that MEMORY LOSS is the best thing to have when you are arguing. As in, don’t bring up stuff he/she did 10 years ago. We operate on the—I’m telling you why I’m pissed off with you right now, get it out, and then move on.

    What this “expert” failed to mention is that for men, it’s not hard to figure out what they want. I think you guys want. Sex. You’re ready (mostly) any time, any day.

    Treat each other better than you would treat strangers, your friends, relatives, give each other time away from each other, and the sex will come (no pun intended).

    It’s not hard to have fun together without resorting to a how-to guide, like I said, if couples need a how-to guide, then they have deep rooted issues of some kind.

    Just be yourselves, after all that’s who you married, so you already know how to entertain each other.

    You really want a good sex like? Plant an erotic garden. ;)

    With all the comments in this thread, I say we could all indoctrinate ourselves and put a Dr. beside our name and say we are experts.

    Selena who is anti-self-help books, so take my comments with a grain of salt. LOL

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    • this might be advice one would give to a 20 something couple who didn’t have kids yet. or hemmeroids. you know, couples that still do cute stuff. when the hub and i were like that, we used to go fly kites. vomitous kids ruined that. ruined everything! lol

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      • LOL! McKek, it’s a long story. It all started when my husband bragged about the size of the cucumbers in our garden, which I totally twisted into another conversation. From there, we defiled our Rosemary bush, plum tomatoes, zucchini and…well, the conversation we had I posted on the BBL FB page. We had a lot of fun with it. I should have documented all the conversations. Would make for an interesting blog post on my blog.

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  38. I forgot about your question at the end.

    Most romantic scene. I have lots of them, but one that stands out is in the movie, Shakespeare in Love (Yes, I was and still am a Shakespeare geek girl).

    When Shakespeare dedicates his next play to the woman he loves: “For she will be my heroine for all time, and her name will be, Viola.” This is romantic and sad at the same time, because he doesn’t end up with her.

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  39. Thanks for the laugh RM. Its baffling to me that people will actually take this advice! Some of it good- like talking and don’t let things fester…thats good advice. However, I’ve been happily married for 24 years and I do not want to hang out with his friends- I like his friends errr mostly…. but I do not want to hang out with them. Letting him have his guy time is much more likely to get me laid -

    No to the fantasy box- if you can’t tel them how do you think their going to feel when they pull it out of the box. its not like you can suddenly say- Huh?? I didn’t put that in there… it must have been you fantasizing about policemen and being pulled over. uh no- nope wasn’t me.
    twister: yeah nothing says romantic evening like a charlie horse with you both frozen in pain saying just wait- it’ll loosen up in a minute.

    tag?? Hide and seek??? really?- I thought the whole point is you want to be caught. Why run then I’ll just be to tired to get to the main event damn it!

    Surrender date- Oh Hell No he is not picking out my clothes. God love him but in his mind I can still wear the stuff I wore 20 years, 1 baby and 20 lbs (or so) ago. I would not go out in public like that. I don’t want to scare small children and the elderly…

    Besides as a sex therapist lets talk Dr. Ruth- She’s way more entertaining.

    HMMM Romantic scene in a movie.. I don’t watch many romantic movies. I’m going nontraditional with Underworld Selene and Michael Corvin forbidden love

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  41. Hi everyone!! Thought I’d say hello before the evening rush! RM…are you still ignoring me? I’m starting to feel like the invisible woman! :(

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  42. All I have to say is if that is the best advice she can give then she must have one of the most boring marriages on the planet.
    If your looking for games to play, buy an Xbox. Rock band and Kinect is so fun and interactive and you shouldn’t need to call 911.
    We have done the date thing over the years, and I must say my husband is awesome at it while I suck at it. The best one though was the surprise of the drive-in. We used to go when we were younger, but then they disappeared. To bad I fell asleep before the fun could begin. ;-)

    The best love scenes… Ghost, when she is spinning on the potters wheel, not the scene with whoopi pretending to Patrick.
    I forgot who said these but that scene in Last of the Mohicans is probably the best ever.
    Loved Scarlet, An officer and a Gentleman

    Also, when you get married, isn’t it because you love them and like to do things together? Just look back and do some of those things again OR have a convo on things you would like to do, in and out of the bedroom.

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    • Totally agree, Granny. That’s what puzzled me about the whole article. It’s as if she were talking about two people who didn’t know each other that well.

      If your wife/husband didn’t want to play hide and go seek when you first met, why would you do that now?

      So many fun things to do, that are not included in her list.

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  44. On our surrender date, we would, “I don’t know, go to a movie or something. And I don’t know about your clothes. They would be weather-appropriate. And if we had to walk somewhere I would make you wear sensible shoes.”

    Ah, The Romance Man in my own house… lol

    Food in the living room? The baby is currently picking up the popcorn that he spilled on the floor and then crunched up with his shoes because he refuses to remove them. Wha? We have a Dyson; it picks up everything!

    Further Feedback from My Hood
    Re-think Dinner:
    No food in the living room. (husband, as he watches baby pick up popcorn)
    Awesome! Ice cream for supper! (daughter, 8)

    Spend Time with His Friends:
    We already do that. I try to run away when women come over, and we go spend time with the _____s (his bff, wife/our babysitter, and their 4 kids under 7). I don’t see how a bunch of my smelly friends will be fun. lol

    Dump Your Withholds:
    Yeah.
    (Serious note: Um, this is why I am in therapy. When you are conditioned your whole life to hold in those emotions and never let them out lest you be exposed to a barrage of hate via an obnoxious monologue, letting them out is not as easy as it sounds.)

    Aaaaaaand, he’s petering out. Apparently the constant, “Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!” coming from the 20-mo has worn out his funny-response-o-meter.

    Random thoughts:
    Food is not sexy, especially when there is an attempt to insert it into body parts. *shudder*
    He always wants me to go for a run with him. A) I have asthma, and asthma hates running. B) If I am going to run, it will be in the morning after I have had time to wake up and so I don’t have to take two showers a day, and since some of us actually work for a living, it would not be in his best interests to stay home from work when he could be there and earning me some money to spend. :| C) Um, we have 3 kids – 8, 6, 1! Are they just going to watch themselves?
    I love that you would take her to Golden Corral, because he just told me that he would take me to McDonald’s, and GC is infinitely more sexy than Mickey D’s.
    In Twister I always end up with my butt in someone else’s nose. At…inopportune times. After eating beans. :|

    Movies are just not my thing. After doing an extensive search of my Netflix list, something from 10 Things I Hate About You? (Ahhhhh hahahahaha, Norbit came up in a list of romantic comedies! My dad loves that movie!) The Notebook rain scene? Any part of the day they slip away in Ever After? I don’t know. I have about 10 movies from which to choose something, and none of them is really clicking. I could name sooooooo many from books!

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  45. “Everyone at Golden Corral would laugh at her.” Bwaahaahaa!
    Romantic movie? Those are usually Dramas with a capital “D”. I tell my sweetie Drama means “death, disease or dismemberment. Why is someone dying freaking romantic? (Chicks are dark.) I’m pretty sure she thinks any movie with Vin Diesel, The Rock, or Jason Statham is romantic.

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  47. Reading everyone’s choices of most romantic scene reminds me of Rob Roy. Remember when his wife got raped and subsequently pregnant and Liam Neeson wraps his sword around his kilted hips to go find and kill the guy? And says, “If it’s a boy, name him after me”? I cried when he said that.

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  48. The “real” concussion story: ZK and I went into the gas station to buy a Pepsi before karate one day. When we got in there, we noticed there was a guy with a knife attempting to rob the place. Being highly skilled ninjas, we couldn’t let this injustice stand. So… we intervened. Since I am taller (and let’s face it — more skilled than ZK ;) ), I pushed her out of the way before I dealt with the knife-wielding maniac. I was still getting comfortable with my ninja super skills at this time and didn’t realize my own strength. When I pushed her, she fell into one of those big candy racks. She hit the tile floor and the candy rack fell on top of her …. thus concussion. The good news is that I managed to execute a beautiful spinning roundhouse kick and knocked the blade (that’s what we professional ninjas call a knife) out of the perp’s (once again— I’m a professional) hand. Using my finely honed ninja techniques, I subdued the perp while the frightened girl behind the counter called 911.

    The police and ambulance arrived and ZK was taken to the hospital to be treated for a concussion. If she doesn’t remember any of this, it is just because she was unconscious while I was taking care of ninja business ;) .

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    • You are a true American hero. I know that you don’t court glory, but thank you, on behalf of all your fellow citizens, thank you for keeping our streets safe. Sigh, if only this country had more ginga ninjas.

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      • Thank you, Diane. It’s nice to be appreciated even though we (really just me) were doing our civic duty. I’m thinking of starting a ginga ninja vigilante gang, but it would be a good gang. Our colors will be orange and lime green because those look good on gingers. We would stop gas station robberies, end world hunger, ensure human rights, and establish world peace. It would be kind of like if Miss America was a redhead and kicked ass.

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        • Those colors would also be excellent because if you had to chase a criminal into the street, traffic would see you and be able to execute a safe braking maneuver.

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          • Diane, I know you are a ginger, but would you consider being our Planning & Safety Officer. I am a go-in-guns-blazing kind of girl. I fail to thing through all of the necessary safety considerations.

          • I am all about safety. I’m on it like arsenic on rice. (That’s an example of topical humor folks.) And I have always wanted red hair so I will get some burgundy streaks done and become an honorary ginger!

  49. LB; Someone need to write a book about all your life experiences :) It would be a bestseller, depending on the author of course. I volunteer to join your vigilante group to save the world from evil :grin:

    McEckK; Golden Corall is a ‘family’ restaurant. You go through a line and order your food, like a cafeteria. Their menu is steak, chicken, probably some overly cooked shrimp as well. Its been a long time since I’ve been there. It is priced lower than a steak restaurant (or used to be) thereby attracting families w/ kids.

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