I suck at talking dirty it just isn’t me. I can easily talk to my wife about sex and what she likes and what feels good but when it comes to having sex I can’t talk dirty because I feel stupid. My wife is the same way and will laugh at me if I try. And when I do try it always comes out dumb like “I want to lick you harder than a fat kid at the county fair trying to get to the center of a tootsie pop” or “I want to fuck you so hard your mom feels it” or “Your vagussy tastes so good it should be on the menu at Olive Garden”.
I want to write a historical romance but one that is really historical. One that takes place 100,000 years ago. I figure the dialogue will be easy but I am having trouble with the plot. I do have a very romantic scene though. The hero discovers fire and cooks a romantic dinner for the heroine consisting of wooly mammoth and peach cobbler. When dinner is done he hits her on the head and drags her to his cave. It’s BDSM.
It’s election season – yay. I hate politics. I believe both parties are corrupt and only care about their own power and I believe there are very few in either party that actually cares about their country. The Republicans want to take away our freedoms in the name of morality and Democrats want to take away our freedoms in the name of fairness. Either way we become less free.
I won’t talk about politics with friends for the most part anymore because they are party hacks and don’t have any original thoughts. They just read their party’s talking points and repeat them and I just wind up getting mad at them, not because of their opinions but because of their complete lack of critical thought. They are just robots who repeat what they read and they only read one side of an issue – the side of their party. In the past I have made the mistake of trying to present a different point of view to these people but it was a waste of time. They have already made up their mind and won’t let little things like facts get in the way so I have given up on that. I still talk to them but not as much because I just can’t suffer fools gladly.
Did you know duck vagina’s are shaped like a corkscrew? Apparently male ducks are really aggressive alpha ducks and they would just walk up behind a female and ram their dick into her so females evolved a corkscrew shaped vagussy to stop this from happening. Of course the males evolved a corkscrew dick but they have to be gentle now and literally screw the females. Now when ever I picture ducks having sex – which is a lot – I picture the male behind her using his wings to turn her over and over until his dick is in.
People keep emailing me asking me why I like turtles so much. It’s very simple: I like anyone who carries his house on his back.
I wear boxer briefs because when I got married that’s what my wife got me and I like them. The other day my wife sent me to Target to get some things and while I was there I figured I would get some new underwear so I did but I bought the wrong kind, I bought just boxers. It’s really fucked up because the package looks just like the boxer brief package. Anyway I got home and realized I bought the wrong kind but figured it was no big deal I would just wear them – well it is a big deal. Boxer briefs are snug and offer support and boxers don’t. With boxer briefs I would tuck my dick to the right one day and to the left the next day because if you tuck your dick to the same side all the time it could permanently point in that direction when you get a chubby. It worked well because I am 42 and when I get a boner it is perfectly straight. Well you can’t do that with boxers and I hate it.
What’s worse is the boxers have a hole on the front so if you have to pee you pull your dick through the hole instead of going through all of the effort to lower your underwear a few inches. The problem is little RM always sticks his head through the hole and I spend the entire day with my hand down my pants pushing him back inside. And when I take my pants off there he is so I can’t even wear them around the house.
I think all cars and airplanes should be made out of Nerf.
Anyway I am still in the process of moving and will be gone a few more days and will see you soon.
So what do you think? Do you think men look good with earrings?