What happened to us? We used to be so close and it seems like we are drifting apart. You used to be so happy to see me, every morning when I would wake up you were there, happy, looking at me. You don’t do that anymore. Remember when we were young and we had so much fun? You were always begging me to play with you and you don’t do that anymore. Just the other day I tried to get you to play and you didn’t want to – why? Is it because we are getting older? Is it because I have been working you too hard since we started reading romance novels?
Remember our Navy days? Remember the girl in Salzburg? She was a freak – you didn’t move for a week after that. Remember the hooker in Marseille? That was the best $50 we ever spent. It was funny because you were nervous and I didn’t think you would be up for it but you came through like a champ. I know we agreed not to talk about the Greece incident but I am sorry about that, her deep voice should have been a clue.
Lately you have been so erratic. One minute you are happy and the next all you want to do is hang around. And what was up with the other night? We were having sex with our wife and you ended so quickly like you just wanted to get it over with. You were never like that and now Lexie has been calling me Minute Man for three days.
I know we have had some tough times and I haven’t always been easy to live with. Sometimes I was too hard on you, making you play when you didn’t want to – looking at pictures of naked women just to get you in the mood. I know you are probably still mad about that time I put you in that place you didn’t want to go. I was drunk though and I wasn’t thinking and I did clean the hell out of you right afterwards. And that time I took Viagra wasn’t because I lost faith in your ability I just wanted to try it because the doctor gave me a free sample. I know you didn’t need it but you have to admit you were pretty fucking happy for a while.
I feel better talking to you. I will try and be a better caretaker and I will never put you in places you don’t want to go anymore. When Lexie gets home I will have her kiss you. That always seems to make you feel better.
So what do you think? Do you think parachute pants will make a comeback?
Oh man, I don’t know what to say except that’s kind of awesome.
No, it’s sad.
No, RM , definitely awesome
This is not M/M…this is M/P. You have spawned a new genre!
LOL…I think it should be referred to as a HEAD to HEAD not a HEART to HEART! And did you know that the definition for parachute was: An apparatus used to retard free fall? So Im thinking maybe you SHOULD wear them! : )
OMFG I just spewed wine everywhere, choking and laughing so hard. This is so effing brilliant! (Even emailed link to the hubs)
Erm…hubs if you’re reading this, don’t read anything personal into it.
LOL thanks
Dear Lexi,
You are a Saint. I capitalize Saint, because I mean the Catholic kind. When you pass, priests will nominate you and then they will pray to Jesus through you because…
you are a Saint.
RM, hilarious and so very, very unacceptable.
But mostly hilarious.
She is a Saint
ROTFLMAO!!
“now Lexie has been calling me Minute Man for three days.” LOL LOL! Lexie, you rock.
Thank you,
for the laughter before I head to bed. You’re insane, but I mean that in a good way.
Parachute pants making a comeback? I think I just heard a collective “hell to the no” from all the fashionista’s worldwide. LOL
I wish they would
You’re certifiable. Are you fantasizing about “silver” parachute pants? Your tights have a run in them? lol
PP rock. So many pockets.
Parachute pants in a blog about your penis. And MC Hammer wore parachute pants and sang, U Can’t Touch This. So what you are secretly saying is ???
That I want to wear parachute pants while touching MC hammer’s penis
Yeah, well, I was going for the whole he’s tired so you can’t touch him thing, but what you said is fine too. Really, I mean I feel a little nauseous but it’s fine.
LOL you’re funny.
I cannot believe you said that. You who cannot read M/M romance and you want to touch another man’s penis
Really, RM, either you move over to the dark side or those tights were just getting, well, too tight. Probably why now you want the PP.
So, do you have this conversation out loud? Just wondering. And you are still whacked, but in a good way! Thanks for the laughs!
Diane that was just an awesome comment
My first thought is, “so… that’s what you do all day”. My second thought is that you two (you and the penis– not you and Lexie) have a very interesting relationship. You should be nicer to him– he seems really sad.
He has been very down lately.
He wasn’t bored with the porn even if you were. And since you won’t give him any spending money, he can’t buy his own.
Maybe that is the answer– an allowance. How much do penises get these days? If he had his own money, he could buy whatever kind of weird, back alley porn makes him happy without you being all judgey.
Well, he would have to do some chores to get an allowance. Take out the trash. mow the lawn? I don’t know.
Did the doctor only give the one Viagra? Therapy perhaps? Do they even have penis therapists (or would they be penile therapists– whatever)? I am sure there are all kinds of options. I saw this one thing in Magic Mike
.
He gave me a couple of samples. My doctor is always pushing drugs on me
Thanks for the visual. Now, all I can picture is a therapist at eye/head level having a heart to heart with your member.
Baby, you must be overworked, overstressed. Couldn’t be too much alcohol cuz you don’t do that anymore. But some penis’ don’t respond well to alcohol.
What the fuck, you just took a vacation from all of us. Do you need another one so soon?
I don’t know if I can stand another sabbatical without you.
Maybe if you picked up Dream Bound by Kate Douglas, and flip to the part where they are driving up to the installation. F/F/M? Would that perk you up?
Bet it would
Hopefully parachute pants will stay in the closet
I read that part of Dream Bound
LMAO! It sounds like you and little, RM, have had some great adventures together…we’ll, except for that time in Greece! And I’m glad you realize you should never make your buddies go places they don’t want to go
Great post, RM, I am so going to get DH to read this, it’ll make him feel so much better lol
And no on the parachute pants!
Thanks Sheri!
OMG! LMAO! I’m seriously dying here. I have tears. I don’t know if I really wanted to know that you gave your penis a pep talk.
Parachutte pants should stay in the past with MC Hammer.
We talk a lot. It’s complicated.
Obviously. You are making the baseball game interesting. Thank you.
Parachute pants are only good for Halloween and pajamas.
I liked parachute pants.
Parachute pants??? I thought M.C. Hammer owned them all ?
I used to own a pair.
You know, some things are better kept as a secret.
And I was referring to you owning the parachute pants.
That was the most heartfelt heart-to-heart between a man and his penis. I think I am going to have a nice slow conversation with mine tonight. Now where’s the astroglide?
You need to spend quality time together
No you didn’t use the name TheCarWashDate! That was my first date ever, asshole!
Manbug?
Nope. MB is playing with his gun
Well you should be helping him unless you mean his weapon. And who is carwashdate?
I mean his weapon. He finished the AR this evening. If I play my cards right, I get to shoot it this weekend. And by “play my cards right”, I mean making sure his penis doesn’t write a blog monologue
.
He’s the recent addition to your FB and Twitter posse and he is referencing our one and only (and my first ever) date. His crazy ex-girlfriend decorated his car with shoe polish calling me everything but a child of God. We ended the date at the car wash.
Good grief LB! what’s next, the priest who heard your first confession??? LOL. You have people everywhere!!!
Damn!
I know how to show a lady a good time. Movie, car wash, home. Bingo Bango Bongo.
Oh, Ladybug! what a colorful life you have led!
Ladybug, you are a regular social butterfly with all your connections !
Just to clarify– I have only shared my love of this blog with 4 people (who I then forced to comment
). These are 4 people who I trusted to treat the blog with the love and respect it deserves. RM wanted men on the blog so I gave him two.
Pat– now that would be entertainment
.
Grettel– not really. A crazy ex or two, one bar fight, a little work bathroom nookie, etc. All of that happened before I was 24 years old. I have been very boring since
.
LG– If you only knew
. I am super selective about who I keep close enough to tell about this blog. The only reason my peeps are so visible is because I beg them to comment (and then I recognize their very un-subtle user names and say “hi” or “asshole” 
).
I must say, you have an interesting array of topics. Does it take long for you to come up with these? LMAO!
LOL I think the answer to that is obvious. No it doesn’t take long.
And judging from your confession, I mean post, it doesn’t take long for some other things, either *snicker*
OMG! LMAOO!
RM, sorry but that is what happens after 40! since my husband and I don’t sleep together, I asked him the same questions! Lol
I see you finally are admitting to having a m/m moment! And you topped!
Even if parachute pants made a comeback, fuck no! Although, i met my husband wearing them!
You were wearing them or he was?
I was,
He liked the way my ass looked!
I needed that laugh tonight! Thanks!!!
Thanks Dhia
LMAO!! I so needed that after my shitty day today!
Did you get your book Sassi?
I absolutely had to get the Immodium after that one, because I shit in my pants at the sad…hilarious….caring…sympathetic…monologue to your apparently anti-deprived penis. With that said, bahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
Now, for more seriousness….parachute pants will only come back with Hammer Time.
I will bring them back. That is my new mission
Damnit, RM! Now I have to get the immodium….Again!!
I guess that was your ode to mr. winkie. maybe you need more sleep, sugar. its all gonna be okay. no working tonight.
I am tired Trudy. Did you get your book?
yes, thank you, sweetie xo
i figure between all your reading, writing, real life, blogging with the eroticas etc. you’ve got a simple case of arousal fatigue. sleep.
Oh. My. God. You are seriously demented. And I mean that in the nicest possible way
And Lexie. Poor sweet Lexie, what you have to live with…
For the record, parachute pants were those swishy nylon pants all the break dancers used to wear in the 80s people! Not the MC Hammer pants. I don’t know what the hell those things were called besides ridiculously hideous.
You are correct scarlet. What he wore were not parachute pants
I think this is what threw me: “Harem pants or harem trousers, also known as parachute pants, are women’s baggy long pants tapered at the ankle, with side flaps on the hip that button at the waist area.” So now I know what pants you are refering too but in some circles, MC’s pants are (incorrectly) called parachute pants. So you are talking about zippers and ripcords, etc?
Yeah but this was also under the definition of parachute pants: “They’ve also emerged as a “modern” version of harem pants made popular in the late 1980s by MC Hammer and thus known as hammer pants. They are intended to be made more fashionable and require less fabric.” Even though I spent most of the 80′s under the influence of various substances, I remember people calling them that. Maybe incorrectly, but they called them that. Unless I hallucinated the whole thing!
Yes, Diane. They usually had lots of zippers and pockets on them. All the really cool boys like RM here wore them in the 80s. Apparently our superboy here was styling’ back then
Yes he was
Well, finally insomnia has a bright side. I just learned a ton about parachute pants, harem pants, etc. I had one pair of purple harem pants when I was in the 7th grade. Don’t judge me!
“Harem Pants”
OMG, I am now insisting that the hubs has his own daily heart-to-heart with The Penis. Lord knows I’ve tried and he’s not listening to me! And ohhh, he is so not gonna appreciate his new title MINUTE MAN, sorry but I just have to borrow it for a bit. Once again, I thank you for the giggles
LOL have fun with it Renee
It seems a lot of us are having a craptastic day. You have no idea how much I needed a good laugh today! As usual that was so funny and I hope you and you’re…um…friend get it all sorted out!
P.S. – your blog still hates me…
P.S.S. – a big NO on the parachute pant question!
I’m sorry I don’t know what is wrong with my blog. Sometimes it hates me too.
Oh, Mr. RM: That’s sad. And is wrong, very wrong.
How could it remember?, Does it have tactile memory or something?
No, don’t answer, that’s between you two. I don’t need to know about it.
It’s way too wrong.
Like parachute pants.
LOl you’re funny Grettel.
You are one crazy man! So is this supposed to prove that men sit around and talk to their dicks?
Too funny!
Say NO to the parachute!
Of course we do.
Omg, RM you kill me.
Glad to know you give great pep talks.
Lexi is completely awesome, and must have the biggest heart.
Keep on keeping on! Great post.
Thanks Dutchess and you are right, Lexie is awesome.
OMG. *dies*
What a tragic, tragic story. At least there’s hope though!
Very sad isn’t it.
OMG! ROTFLMAO! Holy crap! Loved it. I’m in tears.
Thanks Nadine
Mr. RM: Maybe you should use some of those euphemisms that were used on romance novels some time ago, they could help you cheer up your…friend.
I don’t know he is pretty down
so wrong!
LOL Grettel. He should do a whole post with romance novel euphemisms.
Yes, he should.
Well this blog leaves me with many questions. What does little RM really feel? He never gave his opinion. Why does he not want to play anymore? And most importantly, what exactly happened in Greece?
Great blog RM (can I call you Remy now
) I also had a SHITTY day X 100 so this cheered me up. Thanks for being a bright spot in my day.
Oh, hope you work things out with little RM. maybe if he had some other friends to share these concerns with? Change the monologue to the dialogues!
Yes you may call me Remy no little RM does not need other little friends.
Omg minute man laugh so hard I almost wet my pants to fricken funny RM I sure needed a good laugh tonight
Thanks Kelly glad you laughed.
Yeah my gravitar works
Dear Minute Man, Thank you for making me laugh out loud, as usual. And thank you for sharing. Love the subject matter. I’m glad that you have a Best Friend like Little RM that you can talk to and hold on to. If I can’t have one at hand *ahem*, it’s nice to hear someone else discuss his with such modesty.
You might not know it, being as you’re a novice at romance writing, but you wrote this blog in the most difficult voice: second person point of view. And you made it sound so easy!! (The writing, that is, not the diminishing happy times with Little RM.)
Keep it up!
(and take that any way you want)
Thank you Cris and I don’t even know what that means but thanks.
Uh, you mean you can’t keep it up?
No about the second person. I have never heard of that. And yes I can usually keep it up
Well RM, it’s good that you and Matador Jr. are on speaking terms. Some relationships just need to erect a better dialogue. Getting it all out in the open is the first step. Sounds like he really wants you two to work hard together for a better out-come that will please all three of you. We know with patience and a stroke of good luck, your bond will grow and stay as strong as it ever was. keep us posted because hey, we care.
LOL that was awesome Heidi
Thanks
Heidi, you are brilliant! I almost choked on my Luna bar this time. I need to remember not to eat while reading your comments
Thanks Ladybug, I feel the same way about your comments. Luna bars rock.
I should not be drinking coffee while reading this blog! Sorry to hear of little RM’s depression. My DH has the same conversation with little DH ocassionally. (Minus the hooker and the Greek incident) Come to find out t after some testing, their testostrone levels were low and now with the help of Androgel little DH is back to his happy self. Of course DH is certain that the oral therapy is a big part of his “recovery”.
Just No to the parachute pants. Some things are just
best left in the past like the Greek incident
LOL I think you guys have started a new trend “oral therapy”. Yes the Greece incident is not talked about
Romance Man, you kill me! I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts! I had to ask my boyfriend if he has an ongoing dialogue with his, and he said yes. Apparently it does have a mind of its own. Who knew?
LOL Yes it does Dana.
OK, that was just awesome.
Well done, Romance Man. And very clever. You never fail to make me laugh.
Thanks Pam. Email me when you can I have something to ask you.
Sure. Do I have your email address? I don’t think so. Mine is pamelaclare at earthlink dot net.
I will email you.
Ah, Mr. Romance Man,
Did enjoy the post! Of course, it could be because the house hunk and I have been married over forty years so we can both relate to the dialogue… Thank you for the laughs.
Thanks Anny!
Hey Anny, so glad you checked out RM’s blog. Isn’t he a riot?!?
You didn’t answer me about the second person thing
Well, if parachute pants come back I’m going to Occupy something because that’s just wrong. BTW, my hubby says he feels your pain, and expresses his brotherhood. I guess that would be the Brotherhood of the Penis.
“I’m going to Occupy something” that is awesome
OMG, am so glad I’d just swallowed my drink when I started reading this. Poor little RM, though it sounds like you’ve been through a lot together… Maybe he’s (it’s?) feeling like he’s being taken for granted.
Lexie cracks me up. How’s her novel coming along? Could little RM be still feeling dissed about that time she came in to test some things out on him (it) and never finished?
LOL her novel is doing well although we have been busy and haven’t had much writing time
I’m also feeling totally justified that I had my hero talking to his in a story I just finished, coming out in January… Didn’t know guys did that, but when I was writing the scene, I just felt like this guy would…
Of course we do, he is our friend
Today’s blog and comments were fucking five star, RM-Remy. You know I love your crazy.
I was middle age (like you are now) when Parachute Pants were the thing so I had to do some searching. I think I could have gotten into the PP’s back then (I was a LOT thinner) but the pants with the diaper look suck donkey dick. From the comments on the link below, there are others who want to bring the PP’s back as well:D
http://www.inthe80s.com/clothes/tmgsbabygirl00aolcom0.shtml
I’m glad you’re paying attention to your penis…you know the adage, use it or lose it has merit. I’m dying to know if you had a four hour erection when you took Viagra. Yeah, I know that’s an exaggeration so what I’m asking is, does it really work? But, then how would you know since you didn’t really need it to begin with?
Oh no it works like crazy. It doesn’t matter if you need it or not it will give you the hardest erection ever.
Robin Williams said about men and their penises: “We have this creature between our legs with no conscience and no memory.”
Remy, you are hilarious. Glad to hear you are being a wing man for your closest companion. Maybe he just needs to be alone – wait, not possible.
Parachute pants? I was in high school when they came out. I hated all 80s clothing – burned everything I had. I cringe at the thought of a comeback.
Really? What about the mullet?
Mullets were almost default – hockey-crazy town I live in. Still, I have no cause to take the high road – I had HUGE 80s hair. I would sit and perm the living shit out of it every six weeks. If I got it caught in the wind I looked like Farrah Fawcett’s stalker.
I lived in a hockey crazy town for 6 years and the mullet thing is completely true. There were Ph.D.s with mullets. My karate instructor had the world’s most amazing mullet (it was truly business in the front, party in the back). It was almost down to his ass. Have you ever been kicked in the head by an engineer with a mullet?
Ahhh…. 80′s hair (and unfortunately for me — early 90′s hair, too). My hair was so long that I had to sit with a trash bag over it while the spiral perm processed
. I love the Farrah Fawcett’s stalker line!
LadyBug……as always, you amaze me! You should write about your life!!!
It’s worse than that – the karate instructor’s degrees were actually in Physics and he worked on projects with the military while sporting that ass brushing mullet.
oh and his brother sported a matching one. Pure awesomeness
My son has a reverse mullet we call ” the beiber” … Party in the front buisness in the back! Seems nothing is new…
Somehow, the visual of you settling back with a glass of JB for a long heart to heart (heart to dick?) talk with your penis is just a bit beyond my meager ability to picture, though I’m sure it was a truly heartfelt discussion. And damn, but I wish I could be a fly on the wall for that one.
RM, once again I’m sharing your link on my FB page. You’re one of those people I just can’t describe–they gotta read you for themselves.
Thinking kind thoughts for you RM–hope you and the little man come to terms.
Kate, there are some things people just should not share. There are some things that should just be kept in the closet. One of those things is parachute pants.
Bwhahahahahhah!
Thanks Kate. It is a rocky relationship some times.
Kate, I thank you! For some reason you ar theonly link
I have to RM.
RM, I LOVED it. Laugh out loud and shared with my hubby good and he laughed.
Keep up the good reads and I use keep up in the stricted sense.
Thanks Connie
OMFG, Minute Man. Too funny. This post is going down as a RM classic.
So parachute pants. Does this mean you were once a breakdancer? Because that is their only allowable use.
I wasn’t a break dancer but I did own a pair.
RM , definitely LOL’d too funny.
I had a great day today…. 35th anniversary and introduced my husband to the toys I bought at Lucy’s Love Shop in the US… my new toy (blue dolphin
) was a big success. He didn’t know what to think about his… a “pocket pussy” altho I told him to please share what he thinks whenever he uses it.
I don’t think he talks to his penis.. I’ll have to ask him sometime
Awesome post … thanks for sharing
ps I keep trying to change my avatar but it just tells me I don’t have the right permissions ??
Thanks MJ not sure why you can’t change your avatar.
LOLOLOLOL!!
Rm- Just last week I had a similar conversation with my skin boat. Since I turned 40 last November, he used to be so hard in the morning he could break ice, but now it is like he is at half mast or like a candle in the wind.
Cargo shorts are the new version of Parachute Pants. Too Legit To Quit.
LOL I hear you brother.
Snort.
Scrubbing your penis for sticking it into a location it did not want to go does not even begin to atone for your cruelty. Was it good for you at least?
No it was not Lucie.
Maybe you should try throwing the little guy a party or something, to ‘pick-up’ his spirits!
Not a bad idea.
I think I’ll make my sons read this. Take care of the little guy early in life because boy does he make you pay later.
Yes he does
The mullet, or Camaro hair has not gone away. They just say they like their hair real short in the front so the back looks longer. I was in a department store the other day and I saw a one piece pantsuit on display. No shit. I had a few of those in the 80s. They were sure a bitch to get off to pee. So parachute pants? With all the people wearing pajamas and slippers to the grocery store these days, I would venture to guess they’re already in the stock rooms. I admittedly had a pair in the early 90s, yellow with black poka dots. Wore them with a wide belt and heels. WTF
Too funny as usual! I often share yor blog with my hubby but will be skipping this one. I picture him telling me of his penis depression and need for oral therapy twice a day.
When I was in high school in the late eighties a boy showed up at my front door in Hammer pants. Thank God it was a movie date so no one saw us.
If you wear silk boxers under cargo pants you may be able to trick your penis into thinking you got him parachute pants.
LOL I like the oral therapy idea
OMG – one of the best posts – will Minute Man be making any other blog posts in the future? I concur with Sallie – Lexie you are a Saint.
Now onto the important question – Yes I had a pair in the 80s, along with the perm and Farrah haircut. I hope they don’t make a come back – but I think Cargo pants might fullfill your pocket needs.
Okay 80s ladies – do you remember the pants the Limited had out when they had that Australian look going on – they had those pants with a zipper, buttons and a built in belt over the zipper that was buttoned too – we called those CHASTITY PANTS in college – I want those to make a come back not for me my daughter!
TTUL
Never heard of those
LOL. I remember something similiar. The built in belt and the waist was so high, the buckle almost hit the bottom of our bras. If I had a daughter, I’d want them back too!
Actually it was a guy I dated that called them chastity pants – I tried to find a picture of them online but couldn’t find one.
Have you heard the Domino’s “Can’t Do 60 No More” (the follow-up to “60 Minute Man”?
I’m sorry Lexie, I feel for you.
No what is that?
Awesome song. If anyone remembers the movie Bull Durham, “60 Minute Man” is the song that’s playing as the two MCs are getting it on. The sequel to the song is “Can’t do 60 no more”, obviously because his ah, timer is broken!
Yup…what they said!
Parachute pants were really cool back in the day. I don’t think we’re ready for them again, no, not yet.
Lexie…..I have minute man some days. He’s my Dom, gets me all worked up, I mean really worked up, sweating, breathing hard, begging and its over waaaay too soon for me. hmmmmph. Damn Doms.
Damn I though it was the Dom’s job to make sure that doesn’t happen.
ROTFLMAO!
1) Did you just read the Vigina Monologues?
2) Minute man….ummm I believe there is an app for that.
3) NOOOOOOO parachute pants…please!
4) Have you sat on the “boys” yet? If you haven’t…then don’t worry about needing to take the Viagra. WARNING! You will eventually sit on them. Keep a chemical ice pack in your pocket.
5) Lexie is a saint.
6) I’ve had a vision: You can take this show on the road. Broadway would love it! You’d be on talk shows, the news, & publishing your book on the Penis Monologues. It would make millions!
In fact you could book Letterman & Leno in advance!
You think? Maybe I should do that.
I would book a ticket to NYC just to see the show!!!
Just read this to the hubby and he groaned…..You think he would have been happy to know he wasn’t the only one that felt this way…..At least you are Minute Man; hubby said could have been worse – guess he meant the 30 second thingy….. And god no I hope Parachute pants NEVER make a return! You have made my day!
Thanks Lynne
Damn it! I knew I should have been born with a penis. It’s like having a little friend with you all the time so you’ll never be lonely. I would make a great gay guy because I’m pretty sure even with a penis I would totally be into guys (bazinga!) Oh wait my cousin Van says I would make a terrible gay guy because I have no fashion sense as evidenced by my love of the parachute pants.
I confess that I don’t see them making a come back though.
Buy little RM some silk boxers and he’ll forgive you. My ex says it’s like an all day dick massage.
Really? I may have to try silk boxers.
I would have to think the all day dick massage is only a good thing if you don’t work with other people. Otherwise– awkward cube farm moments abound.
Just have to take a couple of bathroom breaks to relieve the pressure
Now picture this – he’s a police detective. Do you really want to investigate a homicide with a boner? That’s what we call no bueno. He only wears them on his day off.
My point exactly. Even if you take a couple of bathroom breaks, you would still be around a bunch of coworkers with (hopefully) a noticeable boner. Do the same rules apply to that situation as to an eclipse? Just don’t look directly at it?
Exactly – if you do you’ll go blind… or you get a hairy palm. I can never remember which it is.
You guys remind of an incident in high school. Me and some friends went to the beach with some girls and my friend gets a boner and tries to pretend it doesn’t exist. It was the boner in the room that no one would talk about.
And that is reason #478 why you couldn’t pay me enough to be a teenage boy. I have y already started knocking on my 8-yr-old Bo Babybug’s door and waiting for an answer before I go his room. I’m terrified of what I might interrupt one day.
Let me tell you, as most mothers of boys know…even INFANTS have boners!! Course there more like tiny boners, but just open a diaper… TaaDaa…….!! They always a smile on there little faces too. I had a friend whose son was barely able to crawl, but loved to hump the bottom step!!!
Pat– that is hilarious about humping the bottom step. I remember the baby boners well. Boy Babybug used to comment on it all the time, but now he is almost 9 and we have crossed the line into don’t ask, don’t tell territory. I had to have THE TALK in May with him. MB was useless.
the amount of time my son spends in the shower scares me
I wish humping was the only problem. For about six months I swear to God my son is worried about burglary. There is a penis thief in our house, and if he took his hand off for ONE second…..he just wouldn’t stop playing with it!
Oh my!
My son had a revelation when he was 3 years old. He laughed and said: “Mom, look it’s getting bigger!”
That’s why God gave it to us
OMG, Kermie– that’s awesome! We haven’t had that issue yet. The talk had to happen because we were visiting my parents in very rural Alabama. There are horses and questions *arose*
. We have tried to stress that his penis is his to do with as he pleases in his room. We also had to establish the rule that no one answers the door without underwear on so we’ll see how things go 
.
I always answer the door without underwear
And that is why I will never visit you. Well, that and I don’t know where you live in FL.
My children are nudists at heart and neither has batted an eyelash at showing up at the door stark naked.
I’ll bet that has made for some uncomfortable interactions with the Kirby vacuum cleaner sales people.
Not to mention the Jehova Witnesses
Yeah, that is not working in our house. That kid of mine has answered the door buck naked so many times, the neighbours just nod and wave.
RM! I thought men didn’t have those issues until they were more like 60. Either you’ve worn out the poor guy and he’s exhausted or he’s rebelling in order to put you in your place.
Also: the boys have to factor into this ongoing dialogue your having with little RM. Aren’t you listening tho them? If not then that’s your problem…….lack of communication with all the parts and pieces that make up your man.
Note: viagra is good but at about $3 bucks a pill…..could be reason to go into debt……in your case BIGTIME.
Great blog entry. You are still DA BOMB.
No little RM works fine he has just had an attitude lately
There simply are not words! ROFLMBO! Really. No. Words.
Thanks Nina
I think I pee’d myself just a little I was laughing so hard! RM keep your parachute pants dreams alive, I mean legwarmers and neon colors have made a come back next will be parachute pants and the claw bangs thing. :O) Thanks for the giggle Carin
Thanks Carin
I was just about to say that Carin! Go into any clothing store and you will see tons of neon and leggings and even those rubber bracelets we used to wear. In fact I’m sitting here right now with my leg warmers on and a scrunchie in my hair
. I love all things 80s–music, toys, cartoons, tv shows and fashions. You have a really good chance at bringing them back RM. Go for it!
I’m doing it and I will put them on my avatar
Over or under your tights and panties RM???
I remember the 80′s…… I bet Kate remembers them too! I had a 5 year old and a 2 year old, and don’t remember much else!!!
OMG! Too f**king funny. But aren’t all conversations a man has with his “little buddy” monologues? I sure don’t want to hear the thing talking back.
My DH’s 62 year old little buddy responds quite well to oral therapy and Cialis is sometimes used to give “him” a shot of confidence.
Cialis sticks around in his system for about 72 hours. Makes for fun weekends.
I’m not laughing at you. Really, I’m not. *laughs behind hand*
Please, please, please remind me not to read this in public or when my nieces are about (or both)! “what are you laughing at, can I read it!” “NO!”
RM do you want some of my emails offering me Viagra!
That’s ok Sara I get plenty of those myself
You seriously took the viagra? You weren’t screwing around with us??
Yup, I tried it.
Ummm…were you experiencing technical difficulties?
A new Avatar Scarlet?…. Cool!
Thanks Pat! It’s the symbol for my sign, Gemini =). One of the traits of a Gemini is that we get bored very quickly. Can you tell???
No just was give a free sample so I tried it
So after you took it did you sit alone in a bathtub on the side of a mountain??
Scarlet, you are so right! That commercial is absolutely nuts!!
Why do they have TWO bathtubs?? He sits all alone with his boner?
That’s what I always wanted to know about the Cialis commercials…isn’t the whole point that they are supposed to be TOGETHER not in separate bathtubs holding hands? And why do they always go outdoors? Are they exhibitionists?
haha, Becky my mom always laughed for that reason whenever that ad came on…in her mid 80′s then and thought it was ridiculously funny
Right Becky. What’s the point of a 4 hour erection if you are sitting in a bathtubalone??Good morning RM. how are things today? Looking up?
RM, posted a picture on your FB, let me know when and if you find it.
I’ll go look granny
I can’t find it granny where is it?
for some reason you can not see when I post pics to your page from my ipad. I reposted 2 pictures from my laptop. Go look now. There are on the right side under resent posts by others. let me know if you can see these.
So, about Greece, I am totally imagining you two having a Crying Game moment.
Okay, so let me just start by saying that I think Mr. B is the funniest man in the world. No, seriously. He is.
And yet…..
RM, you are starting to give him a run for his money. Genius. Seriously. Genius.
That is all.
p.s. Please Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em.
Thanks Elisabeth
That was great. Too funny and I needed a laugh today.
Thanks Sara
So my husband would totally appreciate this blog. He told me once that his used to look at him shave now it watches him tie his shoes. Thanks for the laugh RM, you are a good sport. Oh BTW I just have to tell you guys about a T-shirt I bought my husband, it is a picture of a hot rod motor with the caption at the top saying INJECTION IS NICE and the caption at the bottom is BUT I’D RATHER BE BLOWN. I am sure he will like it. lol
Gwen, your hubby is so funny!
WHY WILL YOU NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION CRIS?
I’ve never laughed so hard in my life – from your blog RM and from all the comments after. Thank you everyone.
And, please, NO parachute pants.
When I’m sad a hug always makes me feel better. Maybe your penis needs a hug…a mouth hug.
Oh, and if you’re jonesing for lotts of pockets in pants, buy some cargo pants. Everything about 80′s fashion was ridiculous.
Speaking of penises. Last night for the first time, I caught a few minutes of that show, Amercia’s Best Talent. They had a guy on there, his talent…..getting kicked in the groin, his nuts, his penis, by other men. They also threw bricks on him, large planks. I was stunned. I mean, seriously, W.T.F?????? (I think I’ve contracted Question Mark-itis from Ladybug).
Why in the world would anyone do that to himself? Why would people think that would be an act for a stage?
I’m baffled at times at what people find entertaining.
Obviously, that guy doesn’t want children. I’m sure that can’t be healthy for the sperm
I’ve often thought the same thing about people who eat white castle hamburgers, read the “left behind’ books, and get married to a guy who has been married 5 times before or the guy who goes on a date with the ‘nice girl’ his mother wanted him to date…
That’s a very sad statement of America’s talent, Selena!
It’s a sad statement for people who think that’s even a talent. To be fair to the show, I didn’t catch the other acts, just this one and one with dogs, which was cute.
Perhaps there are way better acts on the show, but I won’t be tuning in again to find out. People were clapping, the guy ended up with a black eye and some bleeding. It’s not like he was a trained MMA fighter, boxer, where they are skilled and do this for a living. He was just a guy who had a high tolerance to pain (obviously) and enjoyed being kicked in the nuts over and over again.
I told my husband to watch, but he said, no thanks. LOL I guess he would feel the guy’s pain.
My friend showed me a video, or porn. I tell you, I was not prepared for what happens. The guy is getting a blowjob, and right when he is ready to come the girl starts yanking his cock with 1 hand (hard enough to pull it off!) and started punching ( uppercut) his balls as hard as she could with the other. She kept it up until he finished coming.
I had to bleach my eyes after that!
I have to bleach my eyes reading that! What is wrong with people? Never mind, I think I know. Goes back to my philosophy…stupid marries stupid and procreates stupider.
I’d also think it was insane if a woman went on a show and her act was to have her boobs smashed, bruised and beaten. She’d be a lunatic in my opinion as well.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. The guy needs a brick to the head too hopefully what screws he has out of place will settle.
Ciao, Bella.
Maybe he had a few too many bricks fall on his head all ready.
If more men talked to their penii on a regular basis, so much misunderstanding could be avoided. Way to open the channels of communication RM.
You are quite creative. I can almost imagine a man having this conversation. Maybe we all need to have this type of conversation with our own “beloved”.? Your wife Lexie must be an amazing woman. GB … I believe she may have the patience of a saint and the humor of a comedian.
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