I recently found out that I have not been blogging correctly. Apparently you are supposed to end each blog post by asking a question in order to try and get people to comment. I didn’t know this until recently but it explains why I have such a hard time getting anyone to comment on this blog. So tonight for the first time I am going to blog correctly. Please disregard all previous posts and pretend they never happened.
Ok, the following is a true story that happened the other day. As I have told you my wife is writing a romance novel and I told you that she fired me. Since then Diane has been helping her and to be honest it is working out very well. Diane is incredibly good at breaking down a story and gives great advice. My wife has started letting me read it and I can say it has only gotten better since Diane began helping her.
Anyway my wife is taking it very seriously and doing a lot of research. She has already spent a day at the fire department talking to firemen about fire because there is a fire scene in the book. She is really working hard and is researching every aspect of her story. The following happened the other day.
I was in my office working in the middle of the day when Lexie came in.
Her: Take your pants off I need to give you a blow job.
Her: Hurry I don’t have much time take your pants off.
Her: Because I am writing a blow job scene and I want to get it right.
Me: Get what right?
Her: The position of my lips and tongue and everything.
Me: You have given a million blow jobs and you don’t remember how to do it?
Her: It’s become a habit and I don’t really think about it when I’m doing it so I never pay attention to detail.
Me: What are you thinking about then when you give me head?
Her: I don’t know different stuff, come on I am in a hurry let’s get this over with.
Me: Wait. Like what?
Her: Like laundry and the kids and a million fucking things I have to do. Now take your dick out and let me suck it please.
Realizing my wife wanted to suck my dick and I shouldn’t be arguing with her about it I whipped little RM out. So she starts blowing me and after about a minute gets up and leaves.
Me: What are you doing?
Her: I have to go write the scene before I forget.
Me: WHAT? You’re leaving?
Her: I’ll be right back just sit there.
I sat there for forty-five minutes with my pants down and a boner and she never came back. I couldn’t go out there because the kids were home so I called her on the phone.
Me: What the fuck?
Her: I’m almost done I’ll be right there.
Me: Hurry I have work to do.
Her: Well just finish yourself off.
Me: No. Come on.
Her: I’ll be there in a minute.
She never fucking came. I started getting calls from clients – lost my boner and was talking on the phone with my pants down and blue balls.
So what do you think? Do you think the Cowboys have a shot at the playoffs this year?