My wife was going to have a girl’s night out on Friday and go see Magic Mike. Something came up and she couldn’t make it so I told her I would go see it with her. I didn’t want to see it but in my ongoing effort to be a better husband I went so that she could see it. Plus I thought it was a chick flick and I could write a blog post making fun of it. But here’s the thing – it really isn’t a chick flick and I actually liked it and my wife thought it was ok but didn’t like it that much. I mean this movie has tits, a little F/F action, a blow job scene and M/F/F action. My kind of movie.
We arrived at the movie theater and I went to get the tickets with my wife standing behind me. The girl behind the window was very nice but when I said “two tickets for Magic Mike” she looked at me funny. It caught me off guard and I blurted out “I’m married, seriously this is my wife”. I turned around and she was gone and there was a guy standing there wondering why I just referred to him as my wife. I looked around and saw my wife looking at the Magic Mike poster and I said to the girl “there she is, that’s my wife”. The girl just looked at me with an “I accept you for who you are look”.
We go to the concession stand and get two bottles of water which cost about $50. We walked to the theater and went inside. It was so bizarre- it was like walking into my blog – it was me and 200 women and they were all looking at me. As we walked up aisle I felt the need to explain myself to all of the women staring at me so I kept saying “I’m here for my wife” as I pointed at her.
One of the things I love about my wife is her sense of humor but she picked the wrong fucking time to try and be funny. She looks at me and in a loud voice says “hurry up girlfriend”.
So the movie starts and the first strip scene all of the women in the theater start screaming. I thought that was cool cause I’m all about fun so when a scene came that showed tits I screamed “YEAH BABY” because I really felt the need to certify my heterosexual credentials. No one laughed which really bothered me so every time there was female nudity I got more obnoxious till my wife told me to shut up.
My thoughts on the movie and what it taught me:
Matthew Mcwhateverthefuckitis creeps me out. I don’t know what it is about that dude but he is freaky.
The dude who played the lead role can fuckin’ dance.
Male strippers get laid a lot.
I wish I was a male stripper (if I wasn’t happily married to a princess)
If I was a male stripper I wouldn’t make much money.
I could never be a male stripper.
I could never be a female stripper either because I am a man.
There are 200 women who think I am gay.
I could never pull off wearing a thong.
My dick isn’t as big as I want.
My dick isn’t as big as my wife wants. She just made me add that this isn’t true.
My dick will never be bigger than it is.
I wonder if they sell things that will make your dick bigger.
It’s not a chick flick and the story is actually pretty good and it isn’t sappy with an ending that is neatly tied with a bow.
Lastly it changed my rules on hugging etiquette. The following is an additional circumstance when it is ok to hug another man:
If you accidentally walk in on your friend having sex with his wife and not only does he not get mad but tells you to feel his wife’s tits it is ok to hug him.