I am going to assume that most of you read my post about my wife trying to kill me and know that my two nights of being the dominant one still hadn’t happened. The first night happened last night. I have been thinking all week on the best way to fuck with my wife and I had settled on a plan. I was going to tie her up, bring her close to orgasm and then get up and go watch TV for an hour leaving her tied up. I decided against it because it would have really pissed her off. So I decided to just play it straight and see if we could really do some BDSM.
We are reading a new book together about BDSM. It is my first BDSM book because I didn’t read the Fifty Shades book, it is my wife’s second. I decided I would use this book as the guide for my first night as the dominant. In the book the hero makes the heroine assume the “present” position which consists of her lying on her stomach with he knees pulled up, her face and shoulders on the bed and her ass in the air. I don’t know if this is a typical position for BDSM but I liked the idea so I figured that’s where we would start.
Before I do this keep in mind that my wife and I are not the BDSM type and we were just doing this for fun and we were cracking up the whole time.
The rules were the same as when she did it to me except I told her she needed a safe word. She said she didn’t need one but if she tells me to stop I better stop. I told her that the hero in the book said “stop” is not a good safe word because it is too easy to say. My wife said “If I say stop and you don’t fucking stop all the safe words in the world aren’t going to help you when it’s my turn again”. I responded “Are you saying that stop is your safe word?.” “Yes idiot now let’s get this over with”. I told her that was fine but if I asked her a question she had to respond with “Yes Matador or Yes Sir”. She said “There is no way in hell I am calling you Matador or Sir”. “Yes you are this was all your idea and you have to play by the rules. I had fucking Sponge Bob band aids on my balls so YOU ARE CALLING ME MATADOR”. She agreed and we began.
Me: “Present”
Her: “I can’t believe I’m doing this” as she got in the position.
Me: “You have to say Yes Matador come on do this right”
Her: “Yes Matador” in a “this is the stupidest shit I have ever done sort of voice”
Her: While in the position “Before we start can you look at my asshole and tell me if I need wax”
Me: “Say it”
Her: “Can you look at my asshole…..Matador”
Me: “Looks fine but it’s not your best feature”
Her: “Nobody’s asshole is their best feature Matador. Do I seriously have to call you Matador?”
Me: “Good point and yes you do or you can call me Sir”
Her: “Fuck you Matador”
Me: “Shit I don’t remember what I’m suppose to do next”
Her: “You’re suppose to lick my ass and rub my clit at the same time…Matador”
Me: “Bullshit, that wasn’t in the book”
Her: ”You’re suppose to spank me you idiot”
Now I have no experience with spanking. I don’t spank my children and the only time I was spanked was when I was young and my dad beat the shit out of me. He didn’t spank me though he kept slapping me in the face. My dad is a good man and he had every right because I should not have eaten the last Hostess Cupcake.
So not really knowing how hard or how many times I was suppose to spank her I just started smacking the hell out of her.
Her: “OUCH, STOP asshole you’re not suppose to just beat the shit out of me”
Me: “You didn’t say Matador” and I smacked her again.
Her: “You hit me one more time and I will seriously kill you”
Me: “Well what am I suppose to do?”
Her: “You spank me once and then rub my vagussy you don’t just spank the hell out of me”
Me: “Ok” and I started rubbing her vagussy.
Her: “That doesn’t feel good just give me oral….Matador”.
Me: “Ok” And I started giving her oral from behind.
Her: “You’re not reaching my clit Matador, here”. She rolled over on her back and said “I’m tired of this game make me come….Matador”
Me: Sensing the roles had been reversed I said “I’m the one in charge and I didn’t tell you to roll over”
Her: “If you don’t go down on me right now and make me come I will never suck your dick again. Do you understand that Matador?”
Me: “Ok, do you want me to use your vibrator too?”
Her: “No just give me oral”
I did as I was told.
This is so freaking funny! Yes, Matador? What's that about? Oh, and I absolutely love your wife!
I already love this and i haven't read it yet. The title alone is epic.
How very obedient of you, Matador. *snickersnort*
Oh man, I'm laughing. I'm sorry.
Again at work so I can't fucking laugh out loud. My god!! That was hilarious!!! hahaha. And yes…..the title is correct. You suck ASS at BDSM, pun intended.:P
I'm trying really hard not to bust a gut laughing at work.
I think it's awesome that you and your wife can have fun in the bedroom. Seriously a lot of romance books/tv/movies/less fun people make sex so serious that sometimes it's easy to forget that it's supposed to be fun and you should totally be able to laugh with your partner.
Also, there's no way I could call my husband "matador" with a straight face so kudos to you and the wife for that one.
Please, everyone call me Matador.
Lexie however seems to be a pro
)
Up yours, Matador
Thank you Esther for calling me Matador
Keep on reading Matador. Although, I think before to long you'll be calling the Missus whatever she wants. And what happened with the Hostess cupcake?
'Up yours Matador". Oh, Esther you are so funny.
And RM I can think of lots of things to call you but Matador isn't one of them.
What book are you reading?
Cripes, Matador, every time I think you've reached the pinnacle of writing, you move the bar again. This was so feckin' funny, my throat is sore from laughing so loud. Maybe in your second night of dominance you'll tie Lexie up and put a ball gag in her mouth so you can have at least a semblance of being the dominant one at least in your own mind. *snicker*
But with your luck, your Sponge Bob band aid will probably fall off your balls and get stuck on your dick and you'll have to untie her so she can rip it off because you don't want to cause yourself that kind of pain. And of course, if she has the ball gag in her mouth, she can't discuss your most favorite subject, blow jobs.
Such a dilemma you have.
Hey Artemis, I ate it.
Pfft, Matador!
I think 'Cupcake' is a better name.
Scarlet, you will cal me Matador.
Sephanie it's Called Theory of Attraction
Hey Matador, seems like Lexie is the dom in your couple….
No Cris, I am done with BDSM
Nobody is allowed to call me cupcake
Lucie, it seems that way but I'm really not submissive. I really am Alpha during regular sex. My wife likes it that way but for some reason this whole BDSM thing fucked the roles up
You lie.
Your blog is dangerous – I asked my daughter to get me my laptop down while i put the groceries away so I could read this post asap and she goes up. After a bit i hear a rukus – she slipped down the whole stairs. The same stairs I slipped down night before last. Only hers was more acrobatic, she told me she rolled over. And she hit the wall and the unit at the bottom of the stairs with her head, She is red all over poor girl. All this with my laptop in her hand and the wire wrapped around her wrist.
My comment "you lie" was supposed to follow RM's "I am done with BDSM"
Damn Luci i hope she is ok
No Cris, no more of that for me
OMG I'm laughing so hard! Excellent post cupcake.
The thing with BDSM for me is that i cannot be dominant because i'd feel stupid but I cannot be submissive either because if he tells me to do stuff and then justfies them by telling me its good for me and i do not even know it and i will thank hiom for it my only reaction would be WTF do you know about what I feel and what I need? I admit i haven't even read a whole BDSM book because the patronising tone in the one i was reading drove me crazy. Maybe not all BDSM books are like that? Being tied up scares me, it seems like too much of a loss of control. But who knows…..never say never…..
Thanks Steph
Luci, it isn't for me either
"Do I need a wax?" Love it. LOL
Luci—I hope your baby is ok.
Being tied up is a definite loss of control, but if you are doing it with someone you trust implicitly, I can see how it can be exciting and a turn on =).
LMAO – At least this time no one needed Band-Aids. FYI Sir Matador, when I go to register it says Page Not Found.
Luci – Hope you daughter is all right!
I think I ruptured my spleen from laughing so hard. Matador sex.
Oh yes, your new nickname is now Cupcake Matador.
Dear Cupcake–methinks that maybe YOU are the one who needs the safe word, since Lexie is obviously in control here…
Giggling quietly,
Kate
Alix, Jim is working on that
KT just Matador is fine.
Scarlet and Alix tnx for your concern. She has a headache and is going to be black and blue all over but she will be ok. Going to help with her hw as she cannot concentrate. She did go up to get MY laptop.
OMG. Really. Why Matador? I have tears in my eyes. Tears. I doubt I'll call you that. Your too much.
Sorry RM, in my mind I think of you more as a sweet cupcake than a fierce Matador =).
I'm supposed to be working damn it, not checking this blog. Like Alix, I could not register, because I wanted to post my comments under the Talk tab.
Here are my thoughts on why I asked for that forum:
First, it was not so RM could devote a whole thread to me being a bitch. You actually have your whole blog to do that on and you do it very well. So get off our talk page El Matador. (gag, gag) I envisioned it more as a bulletin board. For instance, if it is someone's birthday on the blog, one of us would post it there and everyone could add their best wishes. Or, if you had a great life event, birth of a child/grandchild, new job, divorce (just kidding) you could post it. Or, say there is a charity fundraiser you want to promote, post it there. My hope would be that RM could periodically go in and erase the old posts, so when you click on that tab, you are only scrolling through a page or two of announcements and current events. That was why I asked for it. Of course, if RM wants to wax eloquent on why I am a bitch? Have at it. It is better to be insulted than ignored. Any attention is better than no attention. And, the sign my husband gave me: You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing. Now I have to get back to work!
I'm still giggling over this. " My dad is a good man and he had every right because I should not have eaten the last Hostess Cupcake."
Can't wait to hear about your second night.
I don't Melody it was something I though of the other day when I was talking to someone
Scarlet, I am a Matador dammit.
except I won't hurt a bull cause their cute
Thanks for the laugh cupcake! I love that you and Lexie can have fun with sex. I thought I was going to fall out of my chair when Lexie asked about the ass hair…Jesus! it was just too real:) "Matador" ~ yeah, you do suck at BDSM but you're so loveable nobody gives a shit. I would suck at it as well.
Diane I will pass that on to Jim
Thanks for noticing that part Dorothy, no one else did.
Yeah Nancy, that actually isn't the first time she asked me that question. I am in charge of checking for her
Uh…I just ran Matador through the always wonderful Google translate….comes up with "Killer"…. Aren't you just a pussycat….Sir….
No Esther I am a killer, sometimes
Matador??? Bwahahah! Nope. I do like cupcake. Hahaha working so more later.
Crazygranny we need a visual to go with this!
Funny as Feck again Matador ! *snort* Nope dont think BDSM is your thing Cupcake Unless you get a Cape. Maybe a Cape will make it better next time LMAO. Will be checking in later at work, Ole!
RM–You just proved my point. You act like a big, tough lion on the outside, but on the inside you are just a sweet little pussy, er, cat
.
Your blog never ceases in making me laugh, and I love you all the more for it, Matador. :-*
ROFLMAO ur doin it rong. So, so wrong. Also I think I'd like very much to have a drink with your wife, sir.
Freaking hilarious! Go Lexie!
As I said before, I'm the bashful sort. Years after (hubs and I have been together awhile) the embarrassing movie drama (getting busted renting a dirty flick-hubs fault of course) I assumed I was ready for the big-people store.
Mom (yes mom) always sent a friend x-rated b-day cards anonymously. She'd run out and needed more. So off we go, my bff, mom and I into x-mart. I'm courageously looking around , not paying attention to my mother who I assume is looking at the cards. I hear her bellow my name across the store, asking, "How the hell do you get in this thing?" She's not only standing by the swing, but actually manuring it around as she tries to figure it out.
My bff, calls her where she is at–to check out these giant lips that opened and closed. They both agree I should buy as a gift for the hubs. So, I get suckered in not wanting to be chicken shit trying to get out of the place.
I unveil my gift.
Hubs- I'm supposed to put my thang, in where?
Me- Between the lips of course.
Hubs- The thing that mechanically opens and closes to its own will?
Me (pleased with myself)- Yes. Exactly.
Hubs-Not a chance in hell.
Then we turned it on and threw cheerios through it.
Sometimes the best of sexy ideas turn into the best of laughable ideas.
I'm sitting in front of my lappy snorting my ass off and trying not wake everyone! ! NIce try Matador, and good on you for giving it a crack, but you really do suck as BDSM.
Whew…just came in from errands, picked up OUR iPad, and was going to look quickly! Where in the world did you get Matador for your Dom name? Course a Matador does a lot of poking~ hmmm. I wish you had a video…you could cover the important body parts and faces with that fuzzy screen. It would be hysterical to watch you two laughing so hard you couldn't "do" it!!!
Luci, I hope your daughters ok!! Lot of falling going on in your house!!!
I know Jim is working on it, but once you log in, you can't see the talk tab.
Wow Scarlet you win the prize for first comment!!! Go girl!
Diane even posted from work, she never does that! Good one RM!
Now, I'm having the vapors cause it's 2:30 and I haven't eaten lunch!!
Be back!!!
Thanks Teri
Scarlet keep saying sweet little pussy every time you post
Thanks Olivia
Hey Delphine, I know I am doing it wrong, so wrong. Ivan is my hero
And you would like her Delphine
That's funny D.
I know I suck Sheri
Thanks Pat. Diane has a radar and can tell whenever I call her a bitch that's why she posted.
Aw, don't give up after the first round, Cupcake! Wouldn't that make you a quitter?
Besides… isn't this for our entertainment???
No Jenn it is not for your entertainment. I may do my second night though because I have some ideas. Don't call me cupcake, I'm Matador
I'm speechless. That was a laughable attempt at BDSM, but I enjoyed that you two actually play in the bedroom. Too many people take it too seriously.
I think your first problem, Matador Sir, is that Lexie doesn't have a submissive bone in her body. It doesn't appear you guys can "switch". Plus I didn't hear any manly alphatude coming from you. Sounds like Lexie needs to dust off her whip, feathers and ballgag and get her domme on.
I was just reading a 1NS short story and actually thought of you guys, and not in the pervy way, so don't go there! It had a domination scene in it and reminded me of a good starter for BDSM. It's called Play Me by Jennifer Probst.
Don't give up yet, come on – don't be a cupcake!
Toni, are you into BDSM? Cause it sounds like it
Nope, just well read on it. Truthfully, if there was "munch" in my area, I would go and Q&A the poor members to death. I read a post from a great author about her research with other author gals when they went to a club. I laughed my ass off. I will find it and post it for you. After reading that, me and some GF's were actually considering visiting a club to do our own research, but it didn't work out on my short TX trip. Anyways. Nope not a practitioner, just a lookie loo filled with questions. I have read some phenomenal stories from practicing BDSM authors and I do find it fascinating. Where I live there is no opportunity to research it more to see if it is something I'm actually honestly interested in trying or just reading about.
Sorry, Cupcake Matador, hope that last part came across as intended… as a joke, that is, LOL
Here it is: http://alliespointofview.blogspot.com/2011/07/behind-doors-of-bdsm-club.html
Now I need to read it again. Great post!
Hey RM…is that Romance Matador? Has a nice ring to it. Sounds like that night was a swing and a miss! Had me laughing the whole time! Good luck getting her tied up and obeying next time. Take her to the edge, then stop, and repeat until she submits and calls you Matador Sir. OLE!
I know Jenn
I don't believe you Toni
@Toni, who are your favorite BDSM writers? I love Cherise Sinclair and Maya Banks has some good stories as well. By the way. The login seems to work and was able to post on the new bulletin board!! Go Jim!!!
I was thinking, and i know i am slooooooow
, but all this mention of Sponge Bob sticks (that's band aids for you Americans 
) made me think you must be glad that even though you have daughters the band aid was not of Hello Kitty. Wouldn't that have been cute?
Re BDSM – I was telling LG once about the nudist Village in France Cape D'Age. Its a nudist village with extras. So nudists, swingers and also an area for BDSM practitioners.
Between this post and its companion post, I laughed till I cried. Hubby got a kick out of it too.
But this is the reason we don't try this at home either. LOL
That is very smart of you Virginia
Lucie the only other choice was princess band aids
What can I say Matador Sir? Not sure what I've ever done to not have your undying trust.
@Esther – I LOVE Cherise, Maya and Tymber Dalton (I know she practices).
Hey RM Tymber lives in FL, maybe she could give you a few pointers!! Not sure how close to you though. I think she is in the Tampa area, but without looking I'm not 100% sure. She is a admitted sadist and would probably scare the ever loving hell outta you. Heck, truthfully I'm a bit scared of her too, but she writes some good stuff. But I bet she would get you in line *snicker* and teach Lexi a thing or two too.
No, Pat, there is no posting at work. I cannot access the blog from my work computer. I just happened to be at home for lunch.
ROFLMAO!! I read this to my husband and he can totally relate, cupcake. ;P
I tell him to do something in bed and he gets this goofy grin, saying, "Okay."
He says he likes it when I sit on his face and suffocate him. LOL this was a classic post. Your best one yet and I love Lexie. I totally have a chic crush on her now.
Thanks Suzie
The Matador is now on Facebook for your viewing pleasure!!
Bwahahaha
Crazygranny, that pic is……holymoly…..A sharp reminder not to fuck with a 'tor' hahaha
i can't find the pic
I don't see the pic either.
Right side above the ass cake
Click on the paper clip to see the picture
I can't see ass cake pic either. Last pic that shows up for me is the fifty shades of attempted murder.
Granny stop fuckin with us
I can see it and it will make you cringe RM. Brace yourself!
I still can't see any picture. I don't even see a cake picture
It's under the header: "Recent Posts by Others on The Romance Man" in the right side column (for me at least)
That was why I asked for a picture post page for here! Lol
Keep looking they are there.
Maybe only your fb friends can see it crazygranny?
Back in a few, still working,
LMAO Crazygranny that bull sure got his own Back OUCHIE !
I never have a problem seeing them. They are not out in the open anymore. You need to go to the right column and look for "Recent Posts By Others". If you are friends w/anyone on FB it is directly under the "Friends" block. You have to click withing the post area and then a long block is opened in a separate window with all the posts including the one you just clicked on. If you click below the upper posts, it only includes the one you clicked on and not the newer ones.
Everyone should be able to see it. I have the pictures set to public.
Steph, If you want friend me.
RM you should check out my profile pic on Twitter. It's a picture of my sweet, little pussy. Her name is Bailey =).
Oohhhh Scarlet, like Bailey Irish "Cream"?
Granny is this your page or mine
Scarlet I will go look at your pussy
OMG!!! That needed surgery not just band aids.
Night all
I nearly fainted. I will go look at your pussy?????? Thank god I scrawled up to see Scarlet's comment.
Good night Luci.
Scarlet and RM? You are getting me a little excited. Can I watch?
Its on your page
Hey, Jim added a Gallery link! Does that mean we now can send in nekkid pics of hunky men???
Oh MY God!!! Scarlet said pussy!!!
Good night Luci. !
That ass cake is disgusting! Ick! Was it Stephanie with the botched Brazilian? I'm sorry but that was hysterical, especially when your husb. called you "patches". Now there's a visual!, Going to check out the bull… Be back
Romance Matador, I think you are a Cupcake and think Lexie will be calling you cupcake and you will like it….Love the post ,Lexie you rock,
Crazygranny, OUCH, I hope the bull didn't irreparable harm him….
I just had a thought about El Matador. You know how matadors wear those black hats? Well, those hats remind me of Mickey Mouse ears. RM lives in Florida. DisneyWorld is in Florida. Do you think when he asks Lexie to call him matador, he is wearing his Mickey ears?!
Hey, y'all! Miss you tons and tons…
This post was funny as hell, but you weren't kidding, you really DO suck at BDSM. Stick with the vanilla stuff. You're giving Doms a bad name.
And Remy, your dad was a fair and just man. I would've cut off your fingers if you'd eaten the last Hostess Cupcake.
Gina!!! I just asked Pat if she has heard from you. We miss you but I'm so excited that you are busy with your book! Can't wait!
Diane, have you looked at the picture of the matador on his site? It definitely looks like MM ears, but he also better be wearing a cup!!! OWIE… RM, you may want to rethink the Matador thing~~ just saying…
Yeah Gina!!!!, We were posting at the same time…so good to see you! maybe you and Kate can give him BDSM lessons?
Pat, earlier today RM said he thought bulls were cute. Do you think after that picture, he still feels that way?
Hi D! Hi Patty-Cakes! No, I'm afraid Remy is beyond BDSM lessons. Not only that, but Lexie is too strong of a woman to be a sub (as evidenced by that entire exchange) so he's screwed–or rather, NOT screwed–either way.
Squishes, girls!
Wwwaaaaaa!!!! I need a time post on these comments!
I just got in from work and there are 103.
GOOD NIGHT LUCI! Thanks for the tip on that nudist place in France. I have the info stored for later use
RM, you should not practice any more BDSM until you get lessons!! It sounds like you are not doing it right! And really! the sub is not s'posed to speak unless given permission, or there is punishment! Go find Tymber Dalton, I 'm sure she can explain it to you. No, I have not done any BDSM, but I have read books on it!
Toni, would love to go and bug the hell out of a BDSM practitioner w/ questions! I find it interesting, but not my lifestyle.
I do not see a "talk" button. I registered and signed in on a new page.
RM/Jim, you guys are rockin' with this new site!
RM, you think bulls are cute???? Ever seen one up close?? That wants to stomp you into mush? And if you think large dogs drool, you should see Bull slobber! Ugghh!
(I hope not)
But OMG, the muscle on those bulls!! from all that testosterone! Anyone want a lesson on bull penises??
And did people notice that you have 15 minutes after you post to revise your comments?! Jim, Jim, Jim is the man! If he can't do it, nobody can! I can correct my dumbass spelling mistakes! All my blog dreams are coming true.
I went to revise my name…it took off my full name and allowed me to put in Lady Godiva!!!!
Soo Cool!
Then, there was a 'go back' button!!!
Ah shucks…oops, I mean, ah fuck it, I really need to go get some shut eye. Enjoy yourselfs over yonder in the EST MST and PST timezones
Talk to ya'll 'on the morrow' (reading historicals at the moment as you can tell 
. Have fun and don't behave! x
PS. as Jim seems to have added a Gallery link to this blog, I vote we get to send pics of hunky nekkid guys
Diane if that happens it will be an event and announced on the other page
Gina, I thought you left us for good. Thank you for bringing that up. I thought that was the funniest part but no mentioned it
Diane, I have once of those hats
Sadly, I don't think the naked guys are going to work ladies. RM and Lexie have a daughter in college who knows about the blog. Reading is one thing, seeing is another! We'll have to see what he says!
Awww, good point Diane. No nekkidness it is
We can educate her on the hunkiness of the male body! With a little bit of clothes on!
Diane , that's a fav. of mine too "you tell me I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing"
RM, are you going to make the comments where anyone can read them but you have to be registered and signed in to comment? I don't know if that would be best or not, but I've assumed that would be a logical progression.
haha or are you RCM now….Romance Cupcake Matador
RCM,did you find the picture ?
Do you think Jim could put the pics from FB onto the gallery page?
Granny, know I didnt and Granny go to the facebook page and ask jim. He is now my partner and will be able to answer any questions. I'm sure he can do all of that
Thanks RM, I went and asked him.
OMG! What in the hell is going on here? I leave for a few hours and you all have gone crazy!!!
RM—did you go look at my….I can't say it. I feel too much like a perv
.
Luci and Diane—-you've both already seen the pic of my sweet, little pussy on fb.
Pat—I have never said pussy so much in my entire life!
Well, you leave them alone for a while it all goes down the toilet! Poor Diane has been trying to hold the fort alone! It's ok sis… We're here to help! I kind of agree about the neckked pictures! Too much of a chance someone will see them and the wrong people hear about it.
Scarlet, it's kind of fun spelling bad words isn't it? Takes away the guilt! ha ha
OMG you make my day, RM…I like the idea of the ball gag with Lexi – then at least you can control her mouth and she can't say things like "do I need to wax my a##hole……Oh, I can't breath I'm laughing so hard.
Diane is right. I have a daughter who knows about this site and I don not want it turn into something some people would consider porn. Plus it scares away advertisers. Hot guys is fine as long as their dick is covered,
Matador?! Lol once again, funny and raw and real
<giggle>
Kat
MJ please direct that question to Jim on facebook, he will do whatever you guys want but i don't know how
Granny I never found the pic
Scarlet, you have a beautiful pussy
Thanks Marilyn
While hot guys is fine I would prefer funny stuff like Nancy posts. I think in the long run that is better. Porn is easy to find but sometimes it's hard to find shit that makes you laugh and nancy and granny are good ate that
I have cleared out the Bulletin Board section so from now on only use it for annoucements
Scarlet, you have that skill to make something sound dirty that I greatly admire. Remember, George Carlin said that you can say that you pricked your finger but you can't say you fingered your prick.
MJ, my husband gave me that bitch saying on a sign and I love it. I was a bitch long before RM called me one every single hour of the day. (Who needs radar? If he's posting, I'm a bitch.)
Pat, when I am the voice of reason on this blog, hunker down, cause the world is going to end! Thanks for looking out for me.
RM, how did your daughter discover this website? Have you threatened her to never post a comment, under penalty of being grounded until she is 80?
I find partially nude men much more arousing – I like something left to the imagination, most of the time. There is always Cheryl Brooks blog if I need to be reminded of what a cock looks like!
After seeing that Matador pic, RM, I really question your wisdom in insisting we call you Sir Matador. Unless you're wearing a steel codpiece.
Yay! I can finally see the ass cake and matador pics crazygranny! Thanks.
@Pat- yep, sadly that was me with the botched Brazilian.
LG, I check Cheryl's blog every morning before I leave for work. Does that make me a bad girl?
(Ladies, serious aroused nudity on that blog.)
I never close Cheryl's blog and check it at midnight my time. Does that make me a bad girl Diane?
I read this to my husband and he just said, "these people are f-ed up!"
I was laughing my butt off and he just shook his head.
You know what they say, when you are good -you are good, but when you are bad you are very good!!! (or something like that)
I can't get comments sent to my email. what am I doing wrong?
Probably Toni but boys like bad girls right?!
Or is it that we like bad boys? Fuck it, let's be bad!
Oh do like them baby boys too! Bring on the badness!!. *heads on over to Cheryl's blog for some scrolling down goodness*
Diane, what a bad influence you are, and so much fun!!
RM, would you ever let Diane near your children??
For anyone looking for BDSM authors, some of the best are at Ellora's Cave. Offhand, I think of Joey W. Hill, Diana Hunter, Kathy Kulig, Ann Jacobs, Michelle Polaris, Shoshonna Evers, Delphine Dryden, Samantha Cayto. for starters.
There are hundreds of BDSM-themed books at http://www.jasminejade.com/c-8-taboo.aspx. A number of these authors live the lifestyle and write very emotional stories.
LG, my wife told my daughter. No she is not allowed to post. To be honest she is in college and is not really interested in her parents sex life so she doesn't really read that much but now and then she will call and tell me whether or not she liked something
Lynne he's right
Well, I've never seen Cheryl's blog, so will have to look. All of a sudden she'll get 100 hits on her blog!! going to look………
Oh, Diane…I ALWAYS have your back
Believe it or not LG I would let Diane babysit my children
OMG, I died laughing at sponge bob bandaids on the balls!
Jessica you are 3 days late.
Dammit, RM, you made me cry! The mascara is running. When I babysit, we are going to sing "The Wheels on the Bus".
AWWW, that was really sweet RM. She would be a great sitter! Bet she'd find out all your secrets too…she may need me to help, I'm a Pediatric nurse you know….Diane this could be fun!!
I love that song because the wheels keep going round and round
Pat, I would only go through all his cabinets and locked drawers and personal files to make sure there were no hazards in the house. No children will get paper cuts under my watch! And remember, even Mary Poppins had a bitchy side! She did. Watch the movie. Probably from Dick Van Dyke singing that stupid song.
And round and round. And the bus driver says are you done yet? I mean, are we there yet? And I say, keep driving bus boy! I'll tell you when we are there.
Well, I found Chery's blog….all those men have really big…..pec's.
Diane I know your going to hate me, but I hated Mary Poppins!
Are you sure they are not hearts, Pat?
Pat, i never watched it. It was to nicey nice. I did like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Toni, you got my joke on R@R
I'm loving all the site updates… and I am now a 'Registered Commenter'… woohoo!
FB is pissing me off, however. I can't see any of the pics, just that people posted them.
No, Pat, I didn't really care for that movie either. I just used her as an example of the perfect British nanny. C'mon, we are sisters. You know we think alike.
Pat, you hated Mary Poppins? And crazygranny, you've never SEEN it??? I loved that movie as a kid. I think I've seen it at least 389 times, and can probably quote most of it.
I only saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang just recently.
And Cheryl does have herself quite the interesting blog. I'd never heard of her before, but I know someone with the same name that lives in my town… and that's definitely not her blog, LOL.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang sounds like the title to a porn movie doesn't it? Or should it be Clitty Clitty Bang Bang? I bet there is already a porno with that title. Somebody google it and let me know.
Diane, it's shitty, shitty bang bang
Oh. I don't like those kinds of pornos. I only like normal XXX porn.
Did you ever see the movie Team America? With the puppets having sex?
Ok, RCM, did you google it, or do you have it???
Jenn! Excellent. Put a check mark in Jenn's column.
I really have to stop googling things. Urban Dictionary lists clitty clitty bang bang as "To masturbate a woman by prodding her clitoris with one's erect penis."
um…learn something new everyday?
Yes, but I'm the older one, and I can't think as fast as you do!! That's why I always hold your coat when your going to bitch slap someone! I'm one of those " troubling" quiet ones!
See, Steph, to me masturbate means doing it to yourself. If any part of his dick makes contact, attempts to enter, or enters my body, we are having sex.
Good night Pat! Good night John Boy. Good night moon. Good night everyone.
And goodnight mush. Gawd, I could probably still recite that book. Good night, Diane!
Diane that was the funniest movie ever
Jenn google what, I'm drunk did I miss somethng
Drunk, my ass! Nope, I don't think you missed a thing…
(loving this revise comment thing!!!)
Well, turning it over to the night crew…..
.
See you all tomorrow…
Good morning Luci.
Awwwwww thanks Cupcake Man
. I think my sweet, little pussy is pretty cute too. 
.
Thank you Diane! Coming from you that is the greatest compliment
Nite!
Well damn. Miss three or four hundred comments and a few days and everything is changed. Cool.
I also have a shirt that says:
"I'm not a bitch – I'm giftedly outspoken"
It was one of my favorite gifts that year.
Hello everyone! RM, your post had me busting a gut. Lexie is my hero!
Things were busy today and I'm late posting, but I had a great time with my hubby at the shooting range today. We met one of his buddies who is in the military and he gave us some pointers. It was both mine and hubbies first time shooting. I did great with my targets, but Johnny had a tough time with his. I told him I would protect him if we every get caught in crossfire. Lol. My favorite gun was the Magnum revolver. Johnny did better with the rifles. I hated the rifles, but that's just me. Missed reading the blog today, but it was worth catching up on tonight because I had an awesome day!
You know those Support the Troops, Support Breast Cancer ribbon car magnets…I have a purple one that says Support Bitching! I will not put it on my car, because I know it will be stolen.
Steph, "clitty clitty bang bang" I definitely laughed out loud and was happy to have already swallowed my tea….. I definitely learned something new today,
I grew up with Mary Poppins /The Sound of Music and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and loved them all….
Has Dark Shadows been out long there? It opened here yesterday and we both want to see it- rare that we both want to see the same movie. When I was in grade school the first thing I would do after school was turn the tv on to have it ready for Barnabus Collins and co, even though it didn't start for 1/2 and hour.
That was hilarious! Thx Romance Man
(Also, I think I love your wife).
Cris Anson mentioned a number of Ellora's Cave authors who are really good at writing BDSM–Joey Hill is my all time favorite, but it's her Vampire Queen stories that I absolutely love. Another author who's really talented is Diane Whiteside–look for her book, The Switch. It's so well done it's like reading poetry. LOVE that one.
Hey RM, Did not like the post today. I had to cover my eyes and could only finish reading it thru the spaces between my fingers.
The Blog looks fabulous. Nice job.
Does no one else remember when The Wheels on the Bus first made an appearance on rm.net??
Lulu, my favorite is the 357. But it is my husbands and a little heavy. I am in the market for a gun of my own. But the M4 is also fun to shoot and easy even for me to manage. Glad you had such a good time at the range.
OMG that is so hilarious! Sounds like a bit of topping from the bottom happening there. Love it! Great to see couples mixing it up. It just goes to prove that romance novel really do make sex lives more interesting!
Hey Kiki we missed you!!!
Is anyone else getting duplicate emails for each comment?
Just logged on after work (am Knackered ) thought the BBL's had Gone mad Over here, masses of Emails in me inbox thought i'd missed Something New from Matador's Adventures anyhow i'm off to sleep off me Night shift Ta Ta xx
Welcome back Kiki!
So much going on…I don't even know where to start. I'm glad to know you appreciate the graphics RM-Remy…I really wasn't sure. I do know the BBL seem to find them fun.
I only remember snippets of Mary Poppins and it's enough to make me gag.
WOW! RM t-shirts?? What's the deal? Will they earn you some coin? And, will you be offering a tank top version? I'll support you either way so just asking.
I'm registered and have sent you a graphic via the "Drop Box." As I understand it, you will then approve or disapprove? Would that be correct?
I love Cheryl Brooks blog, obviously. She blogs about a lot of things and she isn't porn even though she provides us with a naked man or two every day …because we requested them. It's like I've told her before, I can go anywhere on the net and find hunks in clothes;) There's maybe a dozen or so of us who regularly visit and comment on the assets showing but her blog hits are off the chart. I've visited her site most every day for the past three years. She's a romance writer, a critical care nurse, avid cook, married forever to the same man and has two grown sons. She's also a pet lover and has cats, dogs, and horses. On top of it, she has a wonderful sense of humor. It's a different kind of blog than this one and just a fun, safe site to analyze the man flesh provided and state our preferences. I think it would probably surprise most men to find out that women are not all about denuded body builder muscles with really HUGE dicks. That's not to say we can't appreciate a large appendage when we see one but it doesn't necessarily mean we want one for real. Besides many of the men on display are gay…even if they don't appear so…and a few earn their living showing off their talent…meaning not the kind of man most of us would take home.
I think you'll enjoy the poster I sent you. It's a really big part of this blog:)
Good morning.
)))).
Kiki!!!!! Welcome back!
RM–the t shirts are awesome! I love it! I'm going to order mine today
Where are you seeing the t-shirts??
Good morning Luci! I saw it on the right side of the page when I first opened the page but now it's gone. RM—what happened to the t short ad?
Good morning Scarlet. Eh ok tnx. It wouldn't have been strange for me had it been right in front of my eyes and i still missed it.
Hey guys hold off on the T-shorts for right now. I want them better, tank tops, different colors, BBL's. I took it down temporariliy but thanks for the support. Give me some time to come up with some cool ones.
Nancy I am not sure about the image thing. I don't have anything to approved. I will ask Jim
Good morning everyone.
RM, Forgot to tell you. I really like all the improvements.
I have been trying to figure out why when I put up a pic from my ipad why no one but friends can see them. But if I send from my puter they can. It is really pissing me off!
I would never post up pics that I wouldn't post on my own FB page. My daughter is a prude! She hates the pics I post of hot men on my pinterest board! So no worries.
Ok RM. just got really excited when I saw the shirts! You are gonna sell a ton of them regardless of what they look like
.
Oh I just emailed you again. You know how my emails disappear so please let me know if you got it. Thanks.
Thanks Scarlet. I may even do one with your pussy on it
Scarlet I have not received an email from you but Go Daddy is slow so if you just sent it it may tale a while. I will respond to you when I get it
"Scarlet's Pussy" LOL. That would sell like hotcakes. I think it would make a great girl band name, too.
Crazygranny your daughter reminds me of my eldest. She's a prude and i have no idea where she got it from. We are not extremely open but not prudes either. My seven year old on the other hand is the total opposite so i worry about when she grows up but hope her sister will keep her in line.
hey everyone,
I reposted the Matador pic from my pc and also a pic of RM getting a spanking!!!!
let me know if you can't see it.
I'm trying to see if what the hell is wrong with my posts from the ipad.
Wow RM! You think my pussy is pretty enough to give her her own shirt??? I'm honored. Of course I will have to have her groomed before if you decide to do it =)).
I want to see Scarlets pussy!!
Oh wow, that sounds so dirty!
Luci, she sure didn't get it from me or her dad.
Crazygranny i am in awe of you and Nancy. Where do you find these pics? Lol. Great cake!
RM – Time mag pic – thank God i am not alone in fInding it disturbing. Each tIme i see it i shudder. She can breastfeed him till he's 50 but i DONT want to see it once the baby is no longer a baby.
Had to look. That is so wrong.
I can just see the debates on this coming…
Is it breast feeding or child porn? Just cuz theres milk, does it make it ok?
Crazygranny—that did sound very dirty. Is it wrong that I am a little turned on by everyone talking about my pussy???
I agree Luci and granny, very weird.
Whats a t-short?
Or the mug? 
Good morning, Pat!
Hey there, Luci! How was london?
Scarlet, I refuse to comment on your dirty talk. Shy? You? What are you going to do with that t-short if rock star will sell you one?
Good Morning to you and Bailey.
Luci, how is your bum and bouncing daughter this morning?
RM, I am surprised you will be selling t-shorts. Took you more for a bra designing kind of guy.
Oh and thanks for letting me play whenever I want to.
Has MMM disappeared all together?
Boobs. Blow job.
TPC
Hey kiki, haven't seen MMM in a while. And there will be bras, sort of
Kiki! Good morning! What are you doing up so early? And I am very shy! It's this crazy blog and Cupcake (RM) that bring out my wild side =). Why won't you talk dirty with me? You know you want to….LOL!
I would proudly wear a t-shirt that says Scarlet's Pussy with a picture of Bailey on it if RM were so kind as to make me one =).
RM, what the heck is a sort of a bra? Yes, I would leave it to you to think of a sort of a bra. Its not something for your 10 year old though, is it?
And I dont even wanna know where ''cupcake'' comes from.
Scarlet…….What are you trying to do to me? My husband just out of the hospital and all…….I have to be kind and let him recover……So you want me to talk dirty to you?
Landry…..:-)
You always make me smile!
And I dont believe for a second that you would wear that shirt. Maybe a crotchless teddy……..I read that you are the latest convert to the oral sex fun.
Still wanna talk dirty??? LOLOL
Oh no you didn't just go there did you Kiki!!! I don't think I wanna talk dirty with you anymore!
I so would wear that shirt…in the house and not in front of my daughter! I'm still waiting to hear from RM saying he will make me one =)
PS—I'm so glad he's not tweeting today O.o
And I'm not sure about the crotchless teddy, but my new shoes work nicely =)))
Kiki it will be a T-shirt for the BBL's and a bra is going to make up the B's
Good Morning everyone.
Coffee, Facebook, RM's blog=my morning routine.
Thanks Steph and good morning.
London was great Kiki so relaxing.
But my new favourite shoes? I just bought them this morning in Malta. Love love them. Will post a pic on FB as soon as I take one.
Love the bra t-shirt idea.
Good morning, and I do hope you have the t-shirts ready soon, as I would love a tank style to wear to the Romance Writers of America conference. It's coming up in July-any of you BBLs live near Anaheim? HUGE book signing at the Anaheim Marriott at 700 West Convention Way, Wednesday, July 25, 2012, from 5–8 p.m. PT. Not positive, but Cheryl Brooks may be there–she usually goes to the cons, and about 500+ other authors. When the list of attending authors is posted, I'll make a point of getting it up somewhere.
Kate, where have you been?
I am sooo glad you are totally taking a break!
Thank you for my morning laugh!
Thanks Tracy.
OH MY GOD! ROTFLMAO RM you don't have a single dominant bone in your body! but keep this blog going because it's super entertaining! Good luck on the next try!
Scarlet!! Oh my, laughing my head off at you girlie!
You put a mirror on the shoes to show off the other thing that I refuse to say!? haha 
Come on, dont be afraid, lets talk dirty! LOLOL You are funny!
RM, not tweeting? I know nothing about tweeting, chirping, meowing or yodeling. But I have been told that is where he goes to hang with the VIP crowd. ha
So you trade the crotchless teddy for the shoes? I say, whatever works for you and your husband!
Just please dont let it end with bandaids.
RM, still dont get it. Its a joke, right? BBL with a bra? Bs are gonna be the bra, no, the bra is gonna be the Bs…..I got nothing. Cant wait to see it! I know it will be great.
I will ask Luci, she seems to understand it.
Luci, cant wait to see the shoes. You finally find your favorite pair right at home!? Will you have a new favorite pair next week?
Oh and husband is feeling better. He went to eat something that he is not allowed, I told him I would sit on him if he got any closer to it.
He said "Youre just horny!"
Yes, he is a sweet talker, aint he? And he is all mine. I love him. I am so lucky to have him. And so thankful he is all right.
Of course, he was totally right! haha
Lol Kiki, I feel for you! Am glad your husband is feeling better.
This pair will probably hold the spot as favourite shoes for a month this time
.
Thanks Milly and I am dominant I swear.
I just got it Kiki. I'm a little slow
RM, I missed the Tshirt ad (morning here) and don't know if I would get one or not, but consider having female cut t-shirts. I don't wear men's cut t-shirts with the high and thick crew neck collar….very unflattering if you have big boobs, along with the big mens sleeves. Female cuts tend to have a slightly lower neckline (inch or 2 lower) , thinner crew collar (about a 1/4 inch). Otherwise, tank tops for women are fine also.
Oh MY GOD! You are out of the BDSM club, RM! Too funny! Lexie is my hero!
All of you guys are a riot! Miss you all!
Ok….back…sort of. been a hellish week. Lest of all the grand piano gets delivered to day.
Dude….all I can say is that you need to learn how to spank. Its with the tips of the fingers. anything else is like bludgeoning and leaves marks. Also…pulling hair…yo do it withe full hand and grab as much as possible. For some reason the more hair the wider the surface area and the less it hurts.
Trust me…it works. Don't ask how I know. Sorry for the absence. After this weekend back to usual.
Being topped by the bottom…she's good!
MMM, is it wrong that I was a little turned on by that? Just kidding… maybe, LoL.
I was having a rough day and started reading your blog I have laughed so hard thanks for the lift up
ROFLMAO…
Old saying, if you are going to attempt BD/SM, it is much better to read books by people into it then reading what some romance novelist thinks it is. Being into BD/SM and having read books like 50 shades of Gray, I can tell you most of the people who write these books have never done it. I howl when I read about a novice being able to tie up their mate really easily, or read about a wife giving her husband 20 shots with a cane and he can take it and so forth. Some of it is hysterical, some of it scares me because what they write about if done wrong can cause issues.
If anyone is interested in BD.SM, check out websites like Greenery press , some great information there.
YOU ARE AMAZINGLY FUNNY, THANKS FOR MAKING MY NIGHT.
Thanks Mary
LMAO oh my god I can’t stop laughing! Props for trying! Some won’t even go there. Your wife’s awesome! This post totally made my day!
Thanks Mirriam. You should read 50 shades of attempted murder.
OMG! I am f*****g dyin’ here, Matador!!
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