When I was fifteen I couldn’t wait to get laid. All of my friends had already had sex at that point and I was the last holdout and they kept giving me shit about it. I had my chances but didn’t go through with it because I was scared as hell. The thing that scared me the most for some reason was that I wouldn’t be able to get it in and she would have to help me. I pictured myself stabbing her with my dick over and over till she said “here, let me do it”. I told my uncle about it and he said “don’t worry, this weekend I’ll take you to get a hooker”. I liked the idea, I figured she is a professional she won’t laugh at me and may even give me some tips. So Friday night comes and my uncle takes me to the red light district in my town and pulls over to the side of the road and points to four women on the sidewalk and says “which one do you want” to which I replied “THOSE ARE MY FUCKIN’ CHOICES”?. He said “yeah, pick one”, I said “no way in hell am I fuckin’ one of them, I’ll take my chances at school”.
A few days later I was talking to one of my brothers friends, he was five years older than me and I didn’t like him much, he was a dickhead. We were talking about girls and he said “look, getting pussy is easy, all you have to do is treat them like shit”, I said “huh”?, he said “girls like to be treated like shit, if they think you like them they won’t be interested”. This seemed stupid to me but this guy did get laid all the time and a lot of girls liked him and like I said, he was a dickhead. So I asked my brother if it was true did girls really like to be treated that way. My brother was barely twenty at the time but gave me some of the best advice I have every received. He said “it doesn’t matter”, I said “what do you mean”?, he said “it doesn’t matter if girls want to be treated like shit, what matters is do you want to be the kind of guy that treats them that way”. I said “no, but I do want to get laid”, he said “don’t worry about it, just be yourself and you’ll get laid”.
That conversation stuck with me because the truth is, and I bet all of you have seen it as well, there are some women who seem to be drawn to guys that treat them badly. The other day I was googling stuff about relationships looking for some ideas for a blog post and I came across this article. It is called “Yes, Chicks Dig Jerks” (my title is better). It is a fascinating article and gives evolutionary reasons as to why some women are attracted to dickheads. It cites different studies and sources and gives some incredible facts. For example, abused women are more likely to have sons than women who are not abused. These sons grow up in an abusive household and become abusers themselves. It also talks about similar behavior throughout the animal kingdom and is really pretty interesting. I have no idea if it is true but it is interesting. It’s that whole “bad boy’ thing where some women simply like assholes. The article also scared the shit out of me because I started thinking of my daughters. I mean, what if you do everything right and you raise a smart, strong girl but she has some evolutionary attraction to assholes? What do you do? My twenty year old has turned out exactly as I hoped despite my best efforts at being a shitty father. She is in college, gets good grades, is smart, she is a hard worker, she saves all her money so she can travel, she has already been to Europe and Central America and will be going to South Africa this summer. But she has never had a serious boyfriend and I am worried she might bring home a total dickhead. So I called her and the conversation did not go as planned. Before I write the conversation we had I want you to understand my daughter. She has the same weird sense of humor I have and she really knows how to fuck with me.
Me: Hey, I’m e-mailing you an article I want you to read.
Her: What’s it about?
Me: It’s about women who get into relationships with men who treat them badly.
Her: Why would you send me that?
Me: Because I don’t want you to date a guy like that.
Her: What if he’s really hot and the sex is great?
Me: You’re not funny, this is serious you have to be careful who you date.
Her: I liked Ride With Me.
Me: What? When did you read that?
Her: Mom told me about it and I read it, it was good.
Me: You shouldn’t be reading those kinds of books yet.
Her: I’m 20, how old do I have to be?
Me: 40
Her: What did you think of Anton and Stefan?
Me: Who are they?
Her: I read Wolf Tales.
Me: WHAT?!!!!
Her: Yeah, mom told me about it so I read it. It was a little weird but I liked it. My friends are reading it now. I’m surprised you like gay sex.
Me: WHAT?!!!
Her: Mom told me you guys were reading it together, she said Kate Douglas sent her some signed books.
Me: Mom told you that?
Her: Yeah, I was surprised you were into that.
Me: I’m not into gay sex.
Her: It’s ok if you are.
Me: I’m not.
Her: You don’t have to pretend with me, I love you anyway. What kind of men do you like?
Me: You’re not funny. What else did your mom tell you?
Her: After you read Ride With Me you guys started looking at bicycles. When you’re done with Wolf Tales are you going to bring other men home?
Me: WHAT.ELSE.DID.SHE.TELL.YOU?
Her: She didn’t have to tell me anymore, I just read your blog.
Me: Goddammit! I knew it, I’m gonna kill her.
Her: What’s the big deal I think it’s cool.
Me: Why?
Her: You and mom are reading books together and doing a blog together, it’s cool. None of my friends have parents who do that. I like reading it but it’s weird to hear you say pussy and blow job.
Me: Don’t talk that way.
Her: I like the comments other people say too. It’s cool you can get people to read your stuff everyday and make them laugh.
Me: I’m glad you think it’s cool but promise me you won’t read it anymore.
Her: Why?
Me: Because I don’t want you reading it, promise me you won’t.
Her: No.
Me: Please promise me.
Her: Did mom really say those things to you during sex?
Me: STOP! I don’t want to talk to you anymore, I gotta go.
Her: Dad.
Me: What?
Her: I won’t date any dicks.
Me: Thank you.
I was epically pissed at my wife and was ready to go all Mel Gibson on her. If there was one person in the world I did not want to know about this blog it was my daughter. Luckily my wife wasn’t home and I had time to calm down and think about it. It’s been a few days and I have talked to my daughter since and I’m actually glad she knows. For some reason she seems thinks it is cool and I haven’t been cool to her in a long time.
I wound up getting laid a few months later and I was as bad as I expected, I poked her everyplace but the right place and eventually she said exactly what I was afraid of “here, let me do it”.
RM That is SO funny, laughed out loud, and sorry , but what comes to mind is how soon before your younger daughters are reading your blog…..
Your daughter sounds amazing, and yes, despite what you think, you had a major part in making her that way. As far as her thinking that you're cool, enjoy it. One day she's going to think you're a major pain in the ass.
And I'm so glad I never did it with any virgins. No telling what might've gotten poked! Thanks for the laugh, RM.
Thanks Mary Jo and NEVER will they read it.
Hey Jenny, she still thinks I'm a pain in the ass but now I'm also a little cool. And yeah, it was ugly, I poked the hell out of that poor girl.
So uncool.
I was laughing though…not at you….but I was laughing.
Sorry man.
OMG, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! What kind of men do you like?
So you did both with this blog. You made us laugh and you made us think.
Interesting and slightly disturbing article. I would like to think that becoming educated about the fact that we are animals with genetics and instincts influencing us, could help us become more aware and allow our humanity and consciousness to overcome those harmful instincts. But let's face it. Most of us don't want to do the work to understand ourselves. We want to self medicate with food and facebook and tv and so on. One thing I will say about bad boys. They get more sex because they fucking lie, all the time. Not because they are somehow more desirable. And as soon as a woman figures out the lie, they move on. Now the issue of why so many women lie to themselves when they know the guy is a prick? Well, I may be a woman, but I don't always get my sisters.
Ok there is so much to comment on here. Loved your line about the hookers. Lol.
Think you're brother is amazing. That was awesome advice he gave you.
I don't get the whole bad boy appeal. Sure they are hot to look at and probably good for some hot, dirty sex but I want to be with someone who treats me with respect. I would never be with anyone who was physically abusive or treated me like shit. I have too much respect for myself. I hope that I'm instilling that self worth into my own daughter. It scares the hell out of me to think my baby will be dating one day.
As for your conversation with your daughter she sounds pretty damn funny. Love the line about you being into gay sex! However I personally would be totally freaked out if my daughter knew so much about my sex life! Yikes!
Hysterical as usual RM!!!!! Here you are trying to stay anonymous, and your daughter finds you out!!! I think your right on the dot with your observations. I had a friend when I was in nursing school who would only date married men, preferably interns! Interns work excruciating hours, half the time sleep at the hospital, and a few never minded getting some on the side!!!! Unfortunately she was my roommate, and when you got up in the morning you never who you we're going to find in the kitchen. Then have to work with them later in the day!!! Gut, I think some men have the same issues too! We have friends , that the wife totally rules everything, what he wears, whether he's "allowed to go out with friends"' Etc. I think we all must have a gene that rules the type of man/woman we're attracted to. I guess after almost 40 years, I chose the right guy. Sounds like your daughter is pretty grounded too!!!!! You and Lexie should be very proud! Glad I got here in time for the new blog!!! Thanks RM.
Whoops, meant but…not gut..
Yeah Diane, I was worried that article my get overlooked in the post because it is something girls should read. It's pretty scary because I know women like that and it is so frustrating when they won't leave the asshole they are dating.
Yeah NYGirl, it does freak me out a little but I'm gonna try not to let it influence the way i write. She's a little different though, she's pretty mature so it isn't that bad but stil, yeah, i get what you're saying.
Ditto, Pat, about RM's brother. What a cool thing for anyone to say. Let alone a 20 year old boy.
Thanks Pat, I'm pretty proud of her and yeah, i know men like that to. The main problem I have is the women who except the phyiscal abuse. Drives me nuts.
I think it is extremely telling that your daughter isn't serious about anybody yet. She's getting her shit together all by herself and hopefully realizes that she doesn't need a man to complete her. She's building a great life and becoming a strong woman. And assholes are not attracted to strong women. So a decent, respectful but totally hot guy is going to come along and she can build a life with him. When she is ready, Dad. Let's face it. You won't ever be ready.
Well said Diane
NYG, I'm with you. I NEVER wanted a bad boy. Sometimes I get so frustrated with other women I could just shake them. Wake up, girlfriends!
Yeah, I hope your right Diane.
Diane, you hit it on the button, she is a very strong, independent woman and hasn't found a guy who appreciates that yet. I think she intimidates others because of her independence, I agree with you ,assholes aren't attracted to strong women, confident men are attracted to strong women.
She has a great sense of humor and I wish I could have had that conversation recorded
Lexie
I know Diane. Makes you wonder what kind of upbringing they've had to have such little self-esteem. Pretty sad…
NYG, almost 30 years ago when I was getting ready to start college, my parents were trying to put together the financing. I was their 4th child and they were almost 40 when I was born, so they were trying to figure out retirement and financial aid at the same time. One of my neighbors scoffed at my father and said why waste money on a girl. She's just going to be a housewife anyway. My father NEVER curses but in front of me he said, "I don't care if she does end up as a housewife. She's going to be the best god damn educated housewife I can make her." I will never forget that moment. That's the upbringing I had.
First, I love your daughter. She's obviously a lot like you, and so am I, therefore I claim that she in my new best friend that I will never meet.
That conversation was hysterical. I imagine my relationship with my daughter (even though she's only 12) will be a lot like how Lexie's obviously is with your oldest. I'll be able to talk with her about sex and erotic books, meanwhile her father is praying she'll become a lesbian at some point so she's never touched by a guy, ever. HA!
I read a book in college called, Women Who Love Too Much: When you keep hoping and wishing he'll change, by Robin Norwood. It was an amazing book that digs deep into the psyche of women who choose to stay in these types of seemingly hopeless relationships. And not only with men, but with members of their friends and family. Norwood explains how even though a woman might not WANT a man who is just like her mother or father (assuming they were abusive or had a mentally unhealthy relationship with the woman), that she would still seek out a man who treated her in the same manner because it was what she was subconsciously comfortable with.
That was the moment I realized I'd married my mother. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but he's not affectionate, is a realist to my dreamer, and has a hard time expressing his feelings. Just. Like. My mother. My dad was the affectionate, creative, dreamer, but I lost him when I was only 10. My husband's personality is not ideal for me. We are COMPLETE night and day. I need a lover, not a fighter, so to speak. But no matter how much I KNEW that, I couldn't bring myself to seek out a more compatible mate. However, we do love each other, despite our incompatibility and we've been together for over 16 years, which at our age, is almost half of our lives.
It's unfortunate that so many women fall prey to this way of thinking. More often than not, it doesn't work out well for them. All we can do for our daughters is teach them as best we can. I think the best thing I can instill in my daughter is that she is worthy of a great love. If she believes that she deserves nothing but the best, then hopefully she'll kick all losers to the curb. So far (knock on wood) she practices this with boys as well as friends. It doesn't matter how long she's been friends with someone or how much the boy she's totally gaga over at the time. All it takes is ONE sign of disrespect and she cuts them out of her life for good. I've seen her do this on several occasions.
Thank God my daughter has a better head on her shoulders than I do. My son on the other hand…well, let's just say I'll be worrying about him a lot more than my daughter.
Great post Remy.
Let your daughter know she'll have some more smokin' paranormals she can read soon. 
Oh Lexie, I wish you could record the conversation too. It would be hysterical!
I agree with your dad Diane. There's nothing wrong with being a housewife if that's what you WANT. The one thing I want for my girls though is that they will always be able to take care of themselves. I don't want them to have to depend on anyone (except me).
Thanks Gina, and she's not allowed to ever read again.
Wow Gina, what a great post. I married my dad in many ways, he had very similar traits to RM , he always made me laugh too
Lexie
Diane that is awesome. You were very lucky to have such great parents
.
OMG Gina–my husband says that he would rather my daughter be a lesbian too! He'd rather she be with another woman than have some "dirty, horny bastard touch her".
RM I agree with what you said about your daughter being able to take care of yourself. Family members will jokingly say to my daughter "You better marry a rich man honey" because she likes the finer things in life and my response always is "No, she'll make her own money, thank you very much". The last thing I want for her is to have to rely on a man.
Oops. I meant herself.
Wow. First let me say, RM, I did get it!! It took awhile to think about the title, but I am so glad that I was at least in tune enough to have figured that out. I hate spoilers and I'll never speculate if you put up advance notice ever again. Okay?
Gina hit the nail on the head, I think. That if girls are taught to give and expect respect in return, they will know the asshole as soon as they see him, and run the other way.
I also read that book "Women Who Love Too Much", and it is about girls trying to find in a man, what was missing in their Father (at least that was my take on it). I had a controlling father and thats what I attracted, and what I picked in a husband. As I got older and wiser and recognized this; I divorced, swore I wouldn't remarry 'till I got it right, and every controller that came through my life wasn't around very long, because I saw it and ran the other way! Then, I spent the next 15 years understanding myself and what I wanted out of life.
Until a person knows themself, they aren't read to choose a mate. What you want when you're 20 may be really different when you've had some experience and are now 30. . .
I agree NYGirl, but you also have to be careful when you teach that lesson because the fact is, it's ok to rely on someone else sometimes but you must be able to take care of yourself.
Good post LG, I agree. Anyone know where Kiki is, she's suppose to write the next review.
NYG – I so agree w/ your daughter 'making her own money'. That's why I went to college and eventually vet school after I got divorced. I was raised thinking I needed a man to support me; and I found out the hard way that I couldn't count on a man. So I went to college and got a degree that would support me!
And, I once dated a man who didn't make much money, but he was determined that his children would go to college. Then, if they wanted to dig ditches they could, but it would be their choice, and not because that was all they could do!
RM, so you are fucking smart.
It's okay to rely on someone out of choice and not need. I've often said to my husband that I choose to be with you because I want to be, not because I need to be. Doesn't mean I don't need him to take care of me sometimes. Just that I can take care of myself when I need to.
sorry I mixed up the so and you
You are so fucking smart. I'm still learning how to let others help now, because I expect to have to do it all myself!
Yeah, KiKi hasn't posted since yesterday. Where is she?
Oh my god! Based on the title and the introduction of hookers, I really expected it to take a different turn. It was a let-down, I tell you, but you didn't let me down! That father-daughter bonding was priceless. I'm SO glad you immortalized that online, LOL.
Yeah LG, you also have to recognize when someone wants to help and let them, for their sake.
Amber, did you think I was gonna end up with a hooker that was a transvestite. That's what i fugured everyone would think
And Amber, did I let you down or not, I'm confused
RM–Diane said it perfectly "it's ok to rely on someone out of choice and not need". That's what I meant about my daughter. I never want her to feel like she NEEDS a man or anyone else for that matter because she can't take care of herself.
I do have to admit that I never until college right after my commissioning in the army as an officer. High school was a complete bust. It wasn't' for lack of trying, but they got tired of me trying.
So the "here let me help you" turned into "I can do it myself". What are you gonna do? Any case once college happened and I got into the ROTC I got a tad bit busy. And just because I was "army" didn't mean I had access. I turned into super cadet. Still I met my wife in the ROTC. I was her "drill cadet" and I loved making her low crawl….hmmm…that butt….hmmm hmmm…
Any way…a year later I got commissioned and my orders. She was graduating two years later. SO that night she gave me a graduation/commissioning present. showed me the ropes for reals….and I was hooked on her. Not that I had that much further to fall.
keep standing them and knocking them down.
I'm so glad my initial thought about the subject matter was wrong. This was so much better.
That was a very funny, gut wrenching, and enlightening conversation. I'm just glad it wasn't me. I could almost see your face cringing, getting red and hear your heart pounding. You did very well as a father and you should be proud. She sounds like a solid young woman you can be proud of. For her to be able to flick you so much shit and so well.
I like to read about bad boys, but not in the asshole sense. I like them to be confident, strong men. Assholes need not apply. I don't understand that aspect of bad boys at all. Good post – well done!
I hope that your daughter doesn't fall for a jerk, but if she does, it may not be terminal. Especially if he's a jerk rather than actually abusive. There is a difference.
I definitely remember going out with a "bad boy" for a while when I first went off to college. He treated me well in private, but he definitely had anger and aggression issues around other people. Pretty soon, I got tired of hearing myself say "but you don't see the side of him that I do…he's really nice when it's just the two of us…" The experience made me realize that I liked dating someone strong, and I enjoyed seeing a side of him that no-one else did because it made me feel special, but also wanted someone self-confident enough to NOT need to prove himself. Not to mention the fact that I yearned for the sheer relief from the drama that accompanies going out in public with a surly guy whose chip on his shoulder leads him to get into fights
It totally burned me out on bad boys.
I'm glad I dated him and would never, never, never date anyone like that again, even if I weren't happily married now. To someone who gets all their aggression out playing sports and then comes home like the mature, self-confident man I eventually figured out I wanted.
Also, I love your posts.
Wonderful post, RM! I loved your interaction with your daughter. You are a good father – she is a testament to that.
Its also good she knows what pushes your buttons. Bodes well for when she is dating.
Rm, I don' t think you ever have to worry about your daughters. Between your protectiveness and humor, and Lexie's levelheaded ness , and of course bitch slapping you around when you need it, you are example of excellent parenthood.
Not having any experience with abusive behavior (thank goodness) I really have no background to base this on. But, it seems like you have to have very low self esteem to ALLOW some one else to physically or verbally abuse you. That being said, I have driven my husband to bang a wall or two at times!!!! I'm falling asleep on my IPad, hope this post makes sense, it did in my head!!! Goon night all my BBL sisters, RM, and MMM. see you tomorrow!
Rm – I find it interesting that there is an evolutionary link to support chicks attracted to dicks. On a scientific basis, we are not very far removed from the animals.
I saw a daytime talk show once that was discussing aggressive people, and had a gene test for an agression gene (gladiator gene?).
After interviewing 3 or 4 people with problems containing their anger, the test results were revealed, and they all had the gene. Doesn't mean they had to be aggressive, really, it meant those people needed better strategies for dealing with their anger. (one was a mother who was screaming at her child, totally out of control b/c the child did something wrong).
I read the article you linked to; you need an advanced degree to understand it! A very important point that I saw was that women were attracted to femine looking male photos, except at that time of month when she is most fertile, then she is attracted to the masculine male photos (testosterone link).
And I have noticed that the romance novels very often have that dominant, strong, protective, masculine man as a central character.
I do wonder about men in the military; are the more dominant, higher-testosterone laden men the highest ranking?
Would that mean that I should steer clear of officers of high rank?
RM, you've made my night, and I think I know your daughter–she sounds just like MY daughter, but then I always tell Sarah I want to be her when I grow up. I married an abusive jerk at 20, so obviously you've raised a much smarter daughter than my parents did, but at least I left him within the year once I realized what a loser he was.
Do you realize how lucky you are to have a daughter who is that open with you? Obviously you and Lexie have done something very right as parents. I'm truly impressed, because in this day and age, it's not easy. You know what the best part is? Now that she knows your secrets, you've got someone to bounce ideas off of!
Anyway, I've been working for fifteen hours today, minus the dinner break, and I need to shut down and sleep. Oh, and a quick note to MMM–I called Jan B tonight and told him what you'd said about his class. It made his night–he's had a rough time lately with a brother who is terminally ill, and I felt like sharing a bit of good news would be welcome.It was, so thank you for saying something nice about my friend that I could share, even though I haven't got a clue which student you were.
And to RM and Lexie…thank you for the great posts and comments and this blog. It's really a great way to take a break from the real world, even though it actually IS the real world! G'night, all.
RM i haven't read the comments yet but this is one of the best posts ever! Don't know what you were worried about! When I got to the part about Wolf Tales I coked on the Coke Zero I was drinking. Lol! What a great family you have.
Great brotherly advice too and so true.
Shit i wrote this whole post complete with joke and it said unable to post and i lost all i wrote!
So, my comment went something like this: I have similar conversations with my daughter – obviously on a tamer scale. They are scary but hilarious at the same itme because i love seeing the way kids' mind works. And i'd rather they have this conversation with me and I am on a level with them than have them say stuff behind my back becuase i am too uptight with them. Love the way your daughter led the conversation! Her last comment there : "I won't date any dicks" though is heartwarming. Its an "aahhh" moment.
So on to the joke. My niece who just turned 13 posted it on FB. And while I know kids of that age talk this way (i was super innocent, didn't talk like that till I met my husband), its an eye opener when you read it on your 13-year old niece's wall. Sue made me look at her with new eyes. She is quiet and all innocent looking – like her aunt
. So g'night to all. I am going to start my work day. Hope you like the joke.
A little boy kills a butterfly.
His dad gets angry and says: No butter for one week!
Some time later the little boy kills a honeybee.
His dad gets angry and says: No honey for two weeks!
Some days later the little boy's mum kills a cockroach.
The little boy turns to his dad and says: Are YOU going to tell her or shall I?
First of all , where is Kiki?
Luci and Pat,, I had a close relationship with my father and we are trying to do the same with our daughters.
Luci, I loved your joke, very cute
LG, that was very interesting about the "aggressive " gene, I agree that as you climb the military ranks you are dealing with more true alpha males.
Mylilypad, when she finally does bring the "right" one home, I suspect it will be someone who is confident and loves her independence. As for her dad, I don't know if there is such a thing as the "right one"
Cathy B and Toni, I was never attracted to bad boys and just hope my daughters aren't either, I was very fortunate to have my father's influence and he would constantly point things out, not as clearly as RM
Mmm, sounds like you met the right woman.
Lexie
Thanks Cathy and welcome, great post!
Thanks mylilypad, she does know how to push my buttons.
Good night Pat.
I'm glad you read the article LG, it was a bit complex so I know what you mean but it was fascinating. When I was in the military I knew some really hardcore Aplha Males you were brutal to other men but total sweethearts to their wives so I don't know what it all means.
Thanks Kate, it's funny you say that because I have already called her twice to ask her opinion on this blog and to help me remember the conversation we had so I could post it.
Thanks Luci with an e.
LG, Like RM i saw military officers that were pretty hard core (I like to think I was one…but who knows). Yet pussy cats to thier wives, additionally I saw privates that were horrid to thier wives.
When I got to my first unit my platoon sergeatn was showing me around and I noticed this car in the parkinglot just outside out platoon building. Someone was in it. I thought it was really odd because it was like 6am. My sergeant didn't know either. well we shrugged it off. Being the diligent second lieutenant I was i gto to know everyone in my platoon that day. had htier names memorized, wives names, and kids names. So I was in my office on the second floor watching every one do checks on the vehicles, clean equipment, typical day stuff. Then lunch break. Well this one private goes out to that car. Then takes off in it after he and this woman exchanged seats.
Well…long story short (HA!) this went on for a week until one day I decided to find out what the fuck this was. Turns out this dude made his wife come in with him every day and sit in the car during his duty cycle. All fucking day in the texas heat.
It was fucked up to say the least.
Thanks Toni!
MMM, I hope you bitched slapped that dude and talked some sense into his wife.
I let my platoon sergeant handle the troop. As an NCO he could be far more….devious then I? Besides, discipline was NCO business, mine was to enforce it or rather uphold it. my Platoon Sergeant was top notch. A year later he ended up in leavenworth on other things….but I will save that story. its a doozy.
I talked with the wife. She knew what he was doing was wrong, but she loved him. He also beat her. Hell she told me and the commander that when we went on deployments he would lock her in the house with enough food while he was gone. She had no access to the bank account, no phone….no contact while he wasn't there.
Fucked up as a left football bat. We got her counseling and she eventually divorced him but it was hard for her. She was truly brainwashed. I don't want to say your daughters will have this but the first real indication that it will happen is a woman's relationship with her father and mother. If that is good and example is set there. Then the chances are much less.
the thing you have to worry about, RM, is if she marries someone like you.
I mean the private ended in leavenworth. My paltoon sergeant retired 30 years and as a sergeant major.
damn.
LOL. Yeah, I don't think think she'll marry someone like me, she's too smart.
The fear of every father out there, RM. I'm not sure which is more difficult – raising daughters and worrying about the testosterone-overloaded, monosyllabic guys they'll bring home. Or raising sons and worrying that they'll be one of those testosterone-overloaded, monosyllabic guys.
This was funny one today!! Thanks for the smile! rofl
As for girls being attracted to boys who treat them badly, I think it works both ways. I was always told that boys were attracted more to the girls who acted like bitches towards them. Something about boys needing the chase and weren't interested in girls who acted like they liked them. That's what lead to girls acting "hard to get." Then, boys start ranting about girls playing games, but without the girls playing games, the boys would only be attracted to the real bitches…..and so it goes on and on and on.
Anyway, if we could just get the real jerks attracted to the real bitches, then the world would be a better place.
Alix! You came to my blog and commented. Thank you! I agree with everything you said except I don't know what monosyllabic means. One of the bad things about this blog is I'm surrounded by smart chicks who use big words. I don't have a son but I have nephews and that is one of the things my brothers are worried about. I think it's a little easier with boys in some ways becaue it's easier for a father to relate to what they are going through. Thanks again for coming.
PS I've been checking your blog but you don't write very often.
Great post Robin, I never thought of that And dammit you need to show up more. You don't comment enough.
Good morning, I just gave your blog another read, and got hysterical about the "poking"!!! Romance novels do not give true impressions of " first times". The sweet vigin who is swept off her feet by the dashing Fireman/cop/ rancher/ Seal/ Highland warrior. He will " make it good for her". BLAGH!!!!! She feels only a quick stab of pain…and then ecstasy . Bullshit.
It HURTS~~~! A lot, and you bleed!!! Condoms should have a little sample of KY jelly in with them marked. " First Timers" . But that's true life, and who wants to read romance novels about ordinary lives??? So if there any young men out there, from a girls point of view…….Think Before You Poke!!!!!
RM, in my opinion , although " marrying " your father is kind of an oogy feeling, your girls would be lucky to find someone like you. Your honest, you love your family, your protective, have sense enough to stand back and let them be themselves, with a lot of help from Lexie, and you have a sense of humor!! Plus, you've " been around the block" a couples times, so your a step ahead of them.
Well, going to get started on my day, be back later to check on everyone ………
Thanks Pat.
Has anyone heard from Kiki yet? I'm worried about her
FIRST DIANE, THEN KIKI
What an interesting couple of weeks, even though I don’t comment as much as I want, I am always reading after the fact, the comments between everyone. It has turned out that we have a great community of women (and now a man) who have really gotten to know each other. And I mean really know each other. Not only do I feel comfortable saying things to my BBL’s that I would never say to anyone else, I think everyone feels that freedom and that’s what makes it so much fun.
GROUND RULES
We cannot have one of our BBL’s missing in action, prior notice should be made so we don’t all panic and freak out, try to get directory assistance and then explain to that BBL’s family member how we know them and why we are worried. I can’t picture that conversation, can you? I think we might be put on “call block” from that point on.
Lexie
Hey Lexie! You are too funny! That should be a new rule–if you are going to disappear for awhile then you need to let us know beforehand so we don't worry. I find it so weird how attached I have gotten to all of you these last few months. It's crazy
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Kiki is doing okay. Just wanted to put your minds at rest
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I feel better now. Thanks Luci
RM,
Are you suggesting an emergency contact roster? Yeah that should go over well when 40 women call my house looking for me! Ha!
Oh…hey I finished that little project. Well…finished as it can be right now. Sent it to you.
Good morning, all, and yeah, I know it's the middle of the day (I didn't even get out of bed until nine!!) but I"m still drinking coffee and trying to make my brain work. Stayed up working too late and then started reading a good book and, well…those of you who read know how that goes.
I had to reread RM's post because it just makes me smile. I love the dialogue between you and your daughter, RM, and it reminds me of conversations I had with my dad (who retired as a national guard colonel, btw) I had a mother who always pointed out my many faults and worried about what everyone would think about me because I wasn't even close to perfect, but I had a father who, while he could be very strict, was also fair and smart. He taught me to worry about one person's opinion, and that was the person looking back at me in the mirror. And he also said that no man should ever strike a woman. Never. It was not acceptable.
Thank goodness his lessons stuck or I might have stayed with the first husband and missed out on the keeper. When husband #1 put his fist through the wall next to my face, I figured that was close enough, but the point I'm trying to make is that there's a difference between a "bad boy" otherwise referred to as an alpha male, and a jerk. An alpha is sure of himself and his place in the world. He loves his mate and will protect her to the death, but he would never raise his hand in anger or treat her as less than an intelligent, thinking woman. The jerks are the ones who act tough, but lack the honor and integrity to keep that toughness in line. What you get, instead, is a jerk who uses physical cruelty to hide his failings, one who has to resort to fear and intimidation in order to gain what he thinks of as respect.
Fear is not respect.It's merely what cows a woman to the point where she won't fight back. A jerk sees that as respect. It's not. You and Lexie have obviously taught your daughters to think for themselves. Young woman with a good self-image have no reason to tie themselves to idiots. They know they're better than that, and your oldest sounds like she's well on her way to a totally cool adulthood. You should be really proud of the young woman you've helped create.
Well,wrote this long post, away it went…..I'm glad Kiki is ok, thanks Luci. But that brings up my post. We are a close group, so my idea would be if we're going to be off site for a time, we don't have to tell everybody, just one person, so we know you're ok! We're women….we worry. In that vein, my vote would be to vote Lexie in charge of Lost and Found. We just have to let her known , no reason if you don't want, but that way someone knows, and we won't all be calling MMM's wife and getting him in trouble! So. Lexie..BBL Director of L & F.. Unless anyone else has an idea, just my thought. Out for the day, check you later……
MMM, that was my wife and yes. I just got an email from Kiki. She is alive and well.
Thanks Kate. I agree with everything you said. I think sometimes young woman confuse the two and then aren't mature enough to recognize the difference like you were. That's one reason I wanted my daughters to wait and focus on themselves, become their own person and then worry about dating. So far so good. I still think you have too much wisdom to be wasted should write a book geared toward young women.
Pat, good idea, Lexie had her own email now and I will give it out as soon as i know it's working and can be in charge of the missing person dept.
Doh
I see the "Lexie" tucked up under there now. Sneaky.
Here here Kate. Well said. Also…I love your schedule. I do that and still have to drag my butt to work by 6 am.
Some day….some day…
MMM…I'm generally at my computer by six or seven, but "getting dressed and dragging my butt off to work" requires putting on my flannel jammies and a sweatshirt, filling my coffee cup and climbing a flight of stairs. And yes, I know I'm spoiled, because not only am I working in my jammies, I'm writing about very sexy stuff all day long. Life could be one hell of a lot worse.
And RM, I would never try to tell someone else how to raise their kids. My childhood was horribly dysfunctional in so many ways that were so subtle even we, as kids, didn't realize what was done to us. I think the best we can do is to always be honest and upfront with our kids (No. I won't buy that for you because we can't afford it. You've got a choice–something for dinner tonight or that new whatever.) And love them. Love them unconditionally and let them know they're loved, and when they screw up badly, which all kids will do at some point, make sure they know you don't love them any less, but maybe you don't like them as much at the moment, and you definitely don't approve of what they've done.
Of course, it's easy to say this stuff now that I'm watching my own kids parenting. All I had to go on when we were raising our two was the caveat that I'd say to myself, "What would Mom do?" And then I'd do exactly the opposite! For whatever reason, it seems to have worked.
Kate, every time you post you prove my point. You have a lot of wisdom you could share. I would l love to have my daughters spend some time with you, the things they could learn.
Holy crap! Now we are getting organized. We have a Director of Lost & Found (missing persons). Kiki I believe is on security, and Diane in charge of bitch slapping.
I vote we make Kate Director of Human Development (DHD) HA!
Now if anyone can tell me how to get a 4 year old to go to bed when I tell him….remember dosing him with alcohol is illegal and wrong (besides, he talks in his sleep more when I do that)…..just kidding!
ZINGER!!!! lol
Okay, wait a damn minute. That "zinger" was supposed to go after MMM's dig on your daughter marrying someone like Remy. But somehow my computer didn't see the extra 2 pages of comments that happened since then. *sigh* Whatevs.
BTW, Captcha gave me a PICTURE of someone's HOUSE NUMBER as part of my code. Has anyone seen that before?! Weird ass shit. Can't wait till that's gone.
Kate you explain things perfectly! Am so glad you did find the keeper!
The best captcha word i got was 'pleasure'. Didnt you ever get words and numbers upside down Gina?
Kate, everyone is right. You explained perfectly.
Wow that man needed to be hung up by his balls and have his mancard taken away MMM. Sounds like he got what he deserved though. Men like should not be allowed to breed.
I also agree with the flip side of the coin. Sons need to learn what a good woman is like. I sure wouldn't want mine to fall for a bitch. It just boogles my mind that there people out there that get off on the horrible treatment of others. It's so sad.
It is indeed a pretty aggressive CAPTCHA. I hate those things. I usually get them on the second go.
As for the private. Well….he is someone's pet now. The incident occurred during a health and welfare inspection. That is code for room inspections, since in the kinder gentler army we were not allowed to inspect. What we found in his room was everyone's mail, and the company adhoc roster which usually contains things like Social security numbers, home address, next of kin….pesky little stuff like that. No biggie right? ALso beside it were prices.
Then the drug dog went fucking nuts in his room…I mean nuts (yes…we randomly would bring them in there) Well after that we found three pounds of heroin.
Long story short CID was called (Army version of the FBI). I never saw him again.
There is a rule I live by for people. Action speaks louder then words. YOu can say anything you want but your actions will tell the truth, and if they are out of sync the real you is in what you do. Abusive men talk a good game. They are manipulative by nature. But it is through their actions they let you know.
I never trust a man that won't look me in the eye, shake my hand, nor speak to my wife respectfully. He fails any one of those things he is a shit bag. 12 years and I ain't been wrong yet.
Hi Everyone! Like the Idea of a Contact, but maybe not the same one for all of us. I don't want to overload her.
How about have a phone tree and each person gets one other person! ? If I'm gonna be gone, I'll let my person know . Just a suggestion. Don't want to overload the creative people!
Kate is AWESOME. Very very wise.
I wish there were community classes to be taken for common sense social skills; and how to spot the jerks and the manipulative behavior. That would include casual conversation in a group; how to participate without interrupting or overwhelming the conversation, you know the types!
Having grown up in a dysfunctional household without much outside social contact, my first years out of high school were rough trying to figure out how to get along in society! I know there are alot of kids like that; not getting much parenting.
I am naive; always have been, and even though I've achieved alot of wisdom, I am still naive. It took a long time to recognize manipulative behavior- I run from it. It also took awhile to recognize good learning behavior – like when the manager made the driver go down 3 flights of stairs she had just come up because she forgot to get the vehicle mileage. To help along that lesson to remember it next time! It he let is slide, she would be more likely to forget next time. (Wow, thats more information than you probably needed).
However, so many group classes teach wrong lessons, it would take someone sharp to write the class material. And lots of role play – not to be confused w/ BDSM, of course
Pat – suggestion – when I write one of these, I copy it to my clipboard, sometimes into my works program (I don't have Word) and save it so if the system eats it, No Frustration! I just go get it and paste it in and try again! 2 days ago I had to do this about 10 times to get a note through.
Guess I can put that on my bucket list of "To Do"in this lifetime.
MMM, love your last post. So glad the guy is being 'taken care of' (by Bubba). I heard a saying from Maya Angelou that I share as often as possible. (yeah, heard it on Oprah, but Maya said it) WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM.
So many girls try to 'fix' their man. They get married and think they can change him; even after everyone tells them you cannot change someone. I try to drum the message about behavior into the younger people I meet as often as possible.
Also, I think that Kate has learned SOOOOOO much about human behavior because of the novels she writes. She gets to move the chess pieces around the board and make them do what she wants. But she puts in the reality of human behavior, and I have not seen anywhere in her books (yet) where she has a character say something that that person really wouldn't say. Her characters stay true to form. Thats not easy to do with all that power of being able to make them do anything you want!
Its quiet. Every one being naughty or nice? Perhaps all at once?
KAte, I just want to go to work in my jammies…well….I want to wear jammies to work, not that i sleep in jammies but then…I might have to buy jammies to begin with. Huh.
I guess I could technically do that now, and considering where I work I am not someone would notice. Dude today wore flip flops….with SOCKS! Maybe I have been going at this all wrong.
what the hell. I type a measly 70 page "novella" in two days and my typing goes to shit.
gawd.
MMM, I work in scrubs all day, very nice. I have to wear nice scrubs for 1 1/2 hours to check in patients, then I can change. As its getting hotter, I'm going into shorts and sports bra.
Glad you're on. I am finishing Wolf Tales 8 and the night is early yet.
I shouldn't laugh. My daughter is 13 and I can already picture future convos with her…
Shiloh, I wish I could be a fly on the wall for that conversation.
MMM, got your stuff. I will email you tomorrow with an idea I have
LG, MMM is right, why has it been so quiet today?
Hi, I left 2 posts when I got in at 3 (PDT). Nobody is on. I've been here all afternoon, reading.
Kinda lonely really. Feel okay though. Except that the end of WT 8 is kinda sad. Somebody finally has emotional problem!! I swear, these Chanku are the nicest most socially well developed people I have ever heard of. Finally though, there is a problem. Fortunately, its gonna get solved one way or another in the short story, not a full length book!
Oh, and been checking for a new blog, may not get one tonight.
LG, there will be one tonight but it will be later.
RM, when do you sleep? I am 3 hours behind you so I know how late you are online, then you're back on early! I wish I could get by on a few hours a night. Luci will be up soon too. Its 5am where she is.
OMG this is hysterical!! Honestly I tried to read it out loud to my hubby but was laughing so hard I could not do it justice
LG, I sleep enough for me. I have to get these posts up you know.
Thanks Theri and welcome.Glad I made you cool again.
anyone ever hear from Diane BJV/DLV??
KIki, oh yea, now you've got us worried with your disappearance. Glad to have you back.
No worries, tough as nails here.
Love the idea of the contact list!
Whats happening?
Not a thing. No activity this afternoon. RM just put up a new post though. Go See
I did LG, hilarious. As usual. Thank goodness.
Thank you for the thoughts today!!
LG, did you post on the new one? Did you read it yet?
Nurse scrubs. I dont know what's hotter. Those or lingerie….hell who am I fooling…might as be the same thing.
It seems that your daughter got your sense of humor, LOL!
Of course the first thing I thought when I read this blog entry is that if my brother ever even thought of taking my son hooker shopping when he's 15, I will bitch-slap him, LOL… better yet, he's a cop, so I'd grab his taser and nail him in the nads. Sorry to to be so graphic, but really??? 15???
Yeah Jenn, I have a weird family. That same uncle eventually moved to Thailand because the heroine and hookers were cheaper. That gives you an idea what kind of guy he is.
Sorry I am just catching up with you blog of late RM. I loved this post. I have always told my girls that I will always tell them the truth no matter how uncomfortable it might make me. I still remember when my oldest, now 19, asked me if Santa Clause was real. When I told her no, she started crying and then realized the Easter bunny and tooth fairy was not real either. When she got older and we started having those "growing up" conversations she knew I was give her the truth, no matter the ?. She is in her second year of college on a honors scholarship with enough credits that she ranks as a junior. She works as a lifeguard at the college pool, keeps her grades up (to keep the scholarship).
She is alot like your daughter, very forward, bold, she would have the same kind of conversation with us, LOL.
We are very proud of her and I hope she, someday, chooses the right guy. Just not right away.
I love your post, Connie!
Connie, when my oldest said he knew santa wasn't real and would tell his little brother , I told him that I guessed that if santa's not real , then he won't be bringing any presents anymore….he never said another word about it for YEARS, not even after his little brother knew the score.
just a heads up: Santa IS real. Anyway, sorry sugar, I had to go out of town so I'm catching up on your blog. And thank you for making me laugh! You know, I'm not sure either why women fall for dickheads. But I think it's classic bait and switch. They impress you, give you the bum's rush, grand gestures when making up and you think, even when he's slipped up a few times and flashed some dickness, you will be the one to change him. And you don't have to be 20 to get suckered, either. I know more than a few second time arounders who fell for cowboys who were all hat, no beef. And it works both ways. I also know women who are amazingly calculating. They all make me feel dirty, but not in the good way you do, RM. Hugs, big daddy
I saw this posted by an author I follow on FB the other day… I wouldn't have read it if she hadn't posted that it's not what it sounds like. So, I read it. OMG, I haven't laughed like that in quite a while. I was laughing so hard it took me a while to read it the first time. A little less time the second time and so on. It took forever to read it to my hubby after he got home from work just because we were both laughing so much, pointing to each other saying, "that sounds like you!" or "that sounds just like something she would say!" We have 4 kids and were picturing ourselves in your shoes wasn't all that difficult… You handled it quite nicely and relayed it to us wonderfully. Anyhow, you won us over. Thanks for starting this blog. Loving it.
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Love your blog and your book reviews. You probably will say your 20yo is great due to Lexie but you are her dad and her love for you shines through the conversations. Only someone who loves would torture this way.
PS if she does bring s dick home .wait for Halloween. You can string him up a tree and no one will notice . sorry bad joke I noted on FB.